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A very realistic opening
Posted on Wed, 07 Oct 2015
A very realistic opening scene that commited me to the read well done. A couple of points to consider:
'the bed eking (leaking?) wires' 'Eking' refers to making something last longer than it might.
'haul himself into a seating (...
Read full commentPosted in The Mezzotint Chapter 9 The Mezzotint
Echoes
Posted on Wed, 30 Sep 2015
This is really good.
The tone, atmosphere and figurative approach to image making are so well balanced.
And in the nicest possible way its form and metre took me back to the work of many of the romantic poets. The metric ...
Read full commentPosted in My Self
What atmosphere
Posted on Thu, 24 Sep 2015
This builds and builds to that final crescendo. Killer last line of many fine preceeding ones.
Washing the flesh of those rollmops down was palpably awful - in the best way.
Read full commentPosted in Meet the Folks
Welcome to ABCtales
Posted on Wed, 23 Sep 2015
It's absolutely worth writing more. The thing that comes across, at least to me, is your belief in and committment to this imaginary world. Thus far the characters seem convincing and interesting as well.
Inevitably there is room to look...
Read full commentPosted in Remember Earth
Good
Posted on Sat, 12 Sep 2015
I think that this works well and acheives some of the very important necessities of poetry.
Good imagery. Figurative language used well. Personification - what's not to like!
I'd take care with the similies; the saline bag, the I...
Read full commentPosted in Deadly Beast
:-)
Posted on Fri, 28 Aug 2015
The first three lines of the second stanza are really good.
Read full commentPosted in Love Endless Eternal and Unrequited
I'd like this to stretch a
Posted on Wed, 26 Aug 2015
I'd like this to stretch a little further. Strength and depth of feeling - really good. Night queens is one word (nightqueens) and the revision doesn't compromise the syllable count.
Good one.
Read full commentPosted in The Harlot 2
A bleak and well observed
Posted on Tue, 25 Aug 2015
A bleak and well observed cityscape. Makes me want to take a shower.
It does need a little TLC, business men is all one word (businessmen) as is white washed (whitewashed) for example. In the third last paragraph 'cities' should either...
Read full commentPosted in the cultural quarter pt 2
!
Posted on Thu, 20 Aug 2015
That's a great write and I completely agree with jolono's observations. The voice is authentic and unpretentious and there's an undeniable honesty and willingness to confont the things that are often pushed out of mind because that's the easier...
Read full commentPosted in I am not sorry
A twist!
Posted on Mon, 17 Aug 2015
That's a killer, unexpected last line! It threw this erstwhile metaphorical vignette into shockingly stark focus.
Well done and welcome to ABCtales.
Read full commentPosted in Weeping Willow
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