204 of my comments have received 222 Great Feedback votes
A very realistic opening
Posted on Wed, 07 Oct 2015
A very realistic opening scene that commited me to the read well done. A couple of points to consider:
'the bed eking (leaking?) wires' 'Eking' refers to making something last longer than it might.
'haul himself into a seating (...Read full comment
Posted in The Mezzotint Chapter 9 The Mezzotint
Welcome to ABCtales
Posted on Wed, 23 Sep 2015
It's absolutely worth writing more. The thing that comes across, at least to me, is your belief in and committment to this imaginary world. Thus far the characters seem convincing and interesting as well.
Inevitably there is room to look...Read full comment
Posted in Remember Earth
Posted on Sat, 12 Sep 2015
I think that this works well and acheives some of the very important necessities of poetry.
Good imagery. Figurative language used well. Personification - what's not to like!
I'd take care with the similies; the saline bag, the I...Read full comment
Posted in Deadly Beast
A bleak and well observed
Posted on Tue, 25 Aug 2015
A bleak and well observed cityscape. Makes me want to take a shower.
It does need a little TLC, business men is all one word (businessmen) as is white washed (whitewashed) for example. In the third last paragraph 'cities' should either...Read full comment
Posted in the cultural quarter pt 2