Deadly Beast

By DDRAIN

Sat, 12 Sep 2015
  • 843 reads
3 comments
 

Every scream replaced with air of bubbles, every struggle completely denied. Oxygen slowly slipping away, like drops from a saline bag.

Memories of all those skipped swimming lessons long since forgotten, regret creeping in like a long awaited ‘I told you so’.

The cold slowly taking hold, every movement becoming restricted.

The thought of being regurgitated like a badly received medicine, or being digested as a memory, a warning to others.

The deadly beast had made another great catch.

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Comments

Submitted by DDRAIN on

This is my first attempt at a poem, hope you like it.

Submitted by scratch on

I think that this works well and acheives some of the very important necessities of poetry.

Good imagery.  Figurative language used well.  Personification - what's not to like! 

I'd take care with the similies; the saline bag, the I told you so and then the badly recieved medicine perhaps could all work more smoothly with each other.  I'd edit with that in mind but overall this is a good effort.  

Well done.

 

Submitted by DDRAIN on

Thanks for the feedback, I'll be careful of that next time.