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Hi again Michael. Poetry
Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014
Hi again Michael. Poetry this time eh? It's not without merit. I admire the constancy of the image that you have used; water, ocean, darkness and depth. It often pays to limit the imagery and the themes within a poem and thereby increase the...
Read full commentPosted in Oceanic
"peering into the barrows
Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014
"peering into the barrows (barrow's) dark opening"
"thunderclap rent the air and the rock before him rent in two." The repetition of 'rent' seems a little clumsy, maybe the rock could 'split' in two?
Ooh! What an intriguing tale,...
Read full commentPosted in Children of the Barrow
Ha! Fatboy this is an
Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014
Ha! Fatboy this is an absolute beauty. Use of language and imagery, the play on the vocabulary of munitions and things military and the final few raw phrases all combine to provide poetry of the highest standard.
It's so wonderful to...
Read full commentPosted in The Lookout Boy
Deep stuff on show here Sari.
Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014
Deep stuff on show here Sari. Nice poem, well done and welcome back to ABCtales!
Read full commentPosted in The warrior of dreams come true
I like this piece Taris and
Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014
I like this piece Taris and it is one that many would do well to heed. 'Live in the moment and reduce your death bed regrets list'. Excellent writing, well done
Read full commentPosted in Appreciate Them
Consider this sentence
Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014
Consider this sentence William;
"You should’ve taken the car to Larry’s garage for a tune-up before we left"
and now this one;
"You should’ve taken the car to Larry’s for a tune-up before we left"
Can...
Read full commentPosted in Roadside Assistance
Mixing past a present tenses
Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014
Mixing past a present tenses as here "I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. My hair is a mess." Is something to watch out for, it can really put your readers off Dauntless. Keep going with this, there is a lot to say...
Read full commentPosted in Chapter Two
I look forward to reading it
Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014
I look forward to reading it Michael. Welcome to ABCtales.
Read full commentPosted in The Better One
Yep, I agree with Terrence.
Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014
Yep, I agree with Terrence. It puts you there in the Wriggleys and the smoke. Watch the rogue 'of' (off) in the fourth last line. The passage about the girls figure seemed like it could be a little smoother maybe? Instead of "Hers looked...
Read full commentPosted in The Walthamstow Bird
Very good poem. I thought
Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014
Very good poem. I thought there was the risk of sentimentality but no, sharp edged and transporting words. A heartfelt and brave write. Well done.
Read full commentPosted in The Wedding Dress (for mother's day)
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