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Deep stuff on show here Sari.
Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014
Deep stuff on show here Sari. Nice poem, well done and welcome back to ABCtales!
Read full commentPosted in The warrior of dreams come true
I like this piece Taris and
Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014
I like this piece Taris and it is one that many would do well to heed. 'Live in the moment and reduce your death bed regrets list'. Excellent writing, well done
Read full commentPosted in Appreciate Them
Consider this sentence
Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014
Consider this sentence William;
"You should’ve taken the car to Larry’s garage for a tune-up before we left"
and now this one;
"You should’ve taken the car to Larry’s for a tune-up before we left"
Can...
Read full commentPosted in Roadside Assistance
Mixing past a present tenses
Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014
Mixing past a present tenses as here "I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. My hair is a mess." Is something to watch out for, it can really put your readers off Dauntless. Keep going with this, there is a lot to say...
Read full commentPosted in Chapter Two
I look forward to reading it
Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014
I look forward to reading it Michael. Welcome to ABCtales.
Read full commentPosted in The Better One
Yep, I agree with Terrence.
Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014
Yep, I agree with Terrence. It puts you there in the Wriggleys and the smoke. Watch the rogue 'of' (off) in the fourth last line. The passage about the girls figure seemed like it could be a little smoother maybe? Instead of "Hers looked...
Read full commentPosted in The Walthamstow Bird
Very good poem. I thought
Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014
Very good poem. I thought there was the risk of sentimentality but no, sharp edged and transporting words. A heartfelt and brave write. Well done.
Read full commentPosted in The Wedding Dress (for mother's day)
Hey Dauntlesscake, I like
Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014
Hey Dauntlesscake, I like this piece of writing. Comes across as genuine and from first hand. There are quite a few typos that a good edit should sort out, I copied a couple of them below for your scrutiny.
"They (the) blood...
Read full commentPosted in Chapter One
Provides an affecting
Posted on Thu, 08 May 2014
Provides an affecting vignette. Needs a little edit to make it really shine but lots of discrete parts are really good. I love the child's dialogue and the clandestine observation that comes at the end. Well done.
Read full commentPosted in Small Secrets
Tough stuff mandy. Well done
Posted on Thu, 08 May 2014
Tough stuff mandy. Well done. Fabulous first sentence by the way.
Read full commentPosted in Pitch Black
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