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I have 0 stories published in 2 collections on the site.
My stories have been read times 203 of my 4,658 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 221 votes

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203 of my comments have received 221 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

The last three stanzas are

Posted on Thu, 22 May 2014

The last three stanzas are the money shot of this charming poem.  Well done.

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Posted in spellbound

1 Vote

Hi again Michael.  Poetry

Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014

Hi again Michael.  Poetry this time eh?  It's not without merit.  I admire the constancy of the image that you have used; water, ocean, darkness and depth.  It often pays to limit the imagery and the themes within a poem and thereby increase the...

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Posted in Oceanic

1 Vote

"peering into the barrows

Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014

"peering into the barrows (barrow's) dark opening"

"thunderclap rent the air and the rock before him rent in two."  The repetition of 'rent' seems a little clumsy, maybe the rock could 'split' in two?

Ooh!  What an intriguing tale,...

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Posted in Children of the Barrow

1 Vote

Ha!  Fatboy this is an

Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014

Ha!  Fatboy this is an absolute beauty.  Use of language and imagery, the play on the vocabulary of munitions and things military and the final few raw phrases all combine to provide poetry of the highest standard.  

It's so wonderful to...

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Posted in The Lookout Boy

1 Vote

Deep stuff on show here Sari.

Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014

Deep stuff on show here Sari.  Nice poem, well done and welcome back to ABCtales!

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Posted in The warrior of dreams come true

1 Vote

I like this piece Taris and

Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014

I like this piece Taris and it is one that many would do well to heed.  'Live in the moment and reduce your death bed regrets list'.  Excellent writing, well done

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Posted in Appreciate Them

1 Vote

Consider this sentence

Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014

Consider this sentence William;

"You should’ve taken the car to Larry’s garage for a tune-up before we left"

and now this one;

"You should’ve taken the car to Larry’s for a tune-up before we left"

Can...

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Posted in Roadside Assistance

1 Vote

Mixing past a present tenses

Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014

Mixing past a present tenses as here "I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. My hair is a mess." Is something to watch out for, it can really put your readers off Dauntless.  Keep going with this, there is a lot to say...

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Posted in Chapter Two

1 Vote

I look forward to reading it

Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014

I look forward to reading it Michael.  Welcome to ABCtales.

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Posted in The Better One

1 Vote

Yep, I agree with Terrence.

Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014

Yep, I agree with Terrence.  It puts you there in the Wriggleys and the smoke.  Watch the rogue 'of' (off) in the fourth last line.  The passage about the girls figure seemed like it could be a little smoother maybe? Instead of "Hers looked...

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Posted in The Walthamstow Bird

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