There's a report out that stress can kill crocodiles. Scene: The Jungle. Some Crocodiles are in conversation. Lou grabbed another tissue from the box and dabbed feebly at his eyes. "What's up Lou?" said Marvin his best friend. "I haven't been sleeping recently" Lou snuffled. "Why's that?" snorted Marvin. "It's those damned digging machines that seem to go on all through the night for that new highway that Man is digging through the jungle" said Lou stertorously. "Yes I know" said Marvin "there was a time when all a croc had to worry about, was ending up in Bond st. as a handbag or a pair of shoes. "But now Man is chopping down the Jungle he's destroying the ozone layer, polluting the seas, George Bush is going to Invade Iran and the word is Margaret Thatcher has intimated that she may come out of retirement and run for leader of the Conservative party".
Holy fuck! What a week. I'm just getting settled back into scum city when the other day ex-girl friend was waiting outside my block of flats.
My Life Oy Vay 4 Some months and many a relapse later. Well if the booze don't get me then the jihadists or the trigger happy police will.
MY LIFE OY VAY 3 After we'd finished the beast with two backs scenario I went into the bathroom and washed myself with a mixture of disinfectant, bleach and for good measure a goodly squirt of lime scale remover. Well you can't be too careful can you? I got my bottle of chilled tectonic strength cider from the fridge and poured two glasses. "You okay I said. "Mmmm, never felt better he or she replied.
THE HARMLESS MONKEY Bob Trump lectured in Creative Writing for the Great Unwashed at his local adult evening institute. He knew it would be a particularly difficult evening at the induction, when an armless Orang Utan loped in through the class room door. "What the bloody heck's goin'--!!? Bob was interrupted as he spluttered out his indignation, when a long lead followed by its owner being dragged along the floor came into view. "Oh sorry about this said the dishevelled figure as it picked itself up and began dusting itself down, "He gets awfully excited about prelates and he just saw one in the corridor, leapt straight onto his back and tried to make secular advances towards him, it was all I could do to pull him off.