Highhat's blog

Survival

I survived a mild psychosis this week. It wasn't fun but I am touching earth again- grounded. Now I have mixed emotions about this time of year. I am happy and indifferent.Strange- perhaps I am still slightly psychotic.I know I am depressed. These days -cloudy and freezing. Yesterday morning the sun peeked through the clouds for a short while. I enjoyed the few moments. Otherwise it has been grey for days - especially after the snow has melted...

Christmas Present

No no presents- but it is soon Christmas Eve and the big evening- families wil be gathered- kindness,love and care will be shared. An extra effort this time of year to make it a festive and happy occassion. Okay- I hate Christmas. This year I hate it. Uptil now it has only been a pain. A dog who had to be operated on, a tooth pulled out, a row and now endless days of dark skies, freezing temperatures, slippery paths, gammy knee- I could go on...

Scales

If you take all the mistakes- tiny and huge I am sure they would outweigh the good. But that is what makes loving, kindness, care and good intentions so intense and so much worth. Sometimes it strikes me: what would we do without the Bible? Without the 10 commandments, the story of the birth of Jesus and God? If all this hadn't been passed on and been such a big part of Western civilization what would it be like? Sometimes I think it would be...

Edges

I am wondering- when you are poor like I am-is it easier to get angry at others? I'm not so sure of that. But I am angry and sad at the moment. Had a row with my son and now he won't speak to me. We have been struggling all month with Vet bills,dentist bills, his phone bill and insurance. He didn't realize that he was eligible for benefits and therefore I have been donating to his livelihood. That's okay with me but I do think he should get the...

Sandy Hook Elementary School

I can't put my mind to much else than this terrible tragedy. These sweet little school children- so innocent. Their families left with the loss. Their friends marked by the experience living on, scarred for life, traumatised, losing their best friends. My own troubles seem small in comparison. These are heavy days. Accumulating sorrow. Really makes you believe that the world is mad.

Christmas Past

Christmas is a very family minded time of year. For most. If you have a family. If you are in the Christmas spirit. I don't feel it so strongly these days. I'm going to make it as christmassy as I can for my son. Although he doesn't live with me I know he loves this time of year. We can't afford much but we can afford some Christmas cheer. Before he was born I celebrated Christmas with my father and Step-Mother. They both had full-time jobs but...

Miracles, The Walking Street and a trainride.

They do happen. Some say you have to work to obtain and reach a goal. Not my goal or your goal- a goal. I stopped working for anything about 2 years ago. I suffered a severe depression which knocked me off my feet and things have just not been the same since. Now, being off my feet so much of the time, I find my energy level extremely low. I'm waiting for a miracle. To get my aching feet back on firm ground. To get my mojo working. I'm full of...

I don't know what I am waiting for.

Didn't buy any cloves for my tooth- it doesn't hurt as long as I don't chew anything -so it's yoghurt and soup and buttermilk, coffee and tea and I can dunk a biscuit in my tea- love that! I bought spikes for my boots the other day. Put them on today and I strode through the snow masses and definitely felt on top. Banks- big banks- I don't understand the first thing about their transactions but the big banks are under fire at the moment...

Real snow-yes more snow

Yesterday it snowed all day- the day before- that's Sunday we had a snowstorm. So everything is white and sloshy and brown and grey. The S-train net was down for a couple of hours-in peak hour-poor commuters. I haven't been outside for days- oh a short trip to the corner market. It's too slippery- I panic. I walk so slowly nowadays and with all the snow it's slower than snail's pace. I am not in a hurry. Funny thing is when I get to the...

Snowfall,pitfall and birds

Birds of a feather flock together. This is mostly true though as far as I know birds of prey don't flock together.This is a reflection. I reflect. I think. I ponder. If you are so inclined your victim is not a communal offering. It is someone you pick out for yourself. Though the victim may be a group- you, the individual, pick it-the group- out to suit/match your invention.Being a victim means being subject to abuse. You are the prey- food for...

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