Lighter Hearted Poems
Uncharacteristically frivalous stuff (not sure I'm ready for full blown humour yet).
- 1096 reads
Dafty Limericks
There was an old man from Peru who had terrible trouble with shoes. It happened, he said, when he wore them to bed and marched in his sleep all night...
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- 573 reads
The Morris Dancing Major
You’d think the major would be enraged to look so strange, doing his sidesteps full of frills. In with the boys and bashing sticks, and no dallying...
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- 672 reads
The Honour Guard
The honour guard are glass eyed on parade, waiting for inspection and the day for which they've trained. Double ranks in waiting for the chief of the...
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- 1135 reads
Remains of a Dog Have Been Found
Remains of a dog have been found, in this ground that used to be a fortress. No-one can guess if he was stoned or drowned, or sent to a kennel...
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- 1398 reads
Suddenly I Am Santa (A Seasonal Transmogrification Nightmare)
Once it would have been no, no, no, now I horrifyingly affirm ho, ho, ho! Suddenly, I am Santa. Where did it begin? Went to bed arsey and unkind as...
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- 596 reads
Windsock at the Cheese Factory
There is a windsock at the cheese factory to warn when the cheddar cheese breeze is blowing far too hard, to mark our cards about low-flying...
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- 1960 reads
The Medieval Wildman Comes to Stay
New technology allows me to extract him from a woodcut and invite him into the house. It is a mistake. His stains will never be erased from the soft...
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- 1972 reads
All Them Monkeys, All Them Bears
All them monkeys, all them bears, O my goodness, how they stare. How they gnash, to what effect, call the doctor, fetch the vet! Please sedate that...
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- 1173 reads
The One That Got Away
I never got near enough to know for sure whether she was mermaid or maiden. All I know is that she was alluring beyond all endurance. But how do you...
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- 585 reads
Four Legged Mary
Four legged Mary was kidnapped by fairies, they taught her to dance, but didn’t enhance her, no way. Hairy old Mary was not so much scary as wary and...
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- 427 reads
The Man Who Hated Wasting Paper
I would give him wings made from the crisp red gold of fallen leaves, fold the bark of silver birch into darts that would pierce his stingy heart. I...
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- 1259 reads
Doves
The listless birds seem to have escaped from the razzamataz clutches of a hapless stage magician. Now they perch on the railing, slightly stunned,...
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- 876 reads
Poem for the Goalie
Poor Sam Bartram was between the posts in the black and white days. One day he waited too long between the posts when a white out fog came down and...
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- 917 reads
The Sinisterish Milkman
The Sinisterish Milkman (For Halloween) The sinisterish milkman from the world's end dairy has a glint in the eye that makes you wary and clinking...
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- 1278 reads
We Never Speak of Rose
We do not speak of Rose, who was deposed from middle management, who went or was made to go, who knows? We will not mention Rose, who was with us for...
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- 672 reads
Travelling In Silence (Train Journey 2013)
My son asks me to speak more. I don’t. In the Quiet Coach I talk with a professional poet. A woman angrily tells us speaking is not allowed there.
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- 511 reads
The Man Who Wore A Hundred Hats
None of them suited him, which was his aim, being a king contrarian, but he wore them in rotation just the same. The bowler hat, he found, was best...
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- 452 reads
The December Grass
Under contract, he mows the pristine estate edgings unknowingly, him in the day glo, hood up, head down. No seasonal ho-ho-ho about him (and who can...
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- 433 reads
Tanked Up
I am not drunk, but do have a tank. (Okay, I lied, I'm drunk as well.) While the police look up the penal code which prohibit panzers in built up...
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- 236 reads
Love Hugs of The Crocodile
I smile and smile and smile before I bite. Such is life. If I had broad arms they would wrap you around and never loosen. Listen. I have dinosaur old...
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- 182 reads
Shadow Boxers in A Back Street
Scouse athletes spar on the unmade road I walk along going to work, on the ridge height of a western Cornish town. I wonder what brought them so far...
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- 186 reads
Miracles at Asda Haiku
There in the kiosk thirteen abandoned crutches, proof of miracles
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- 169 reads