Lighter Hearted Poems

Uncharacteristically frivalous stuff (not sure I'm ready for full blown humour yet).

Dafty Limericks

There was an old man from Peru who had terrible trouble with shoes. It happened, he said, when he wore them to bed and marched in his sleep all night...

The Morris Dancing Major

You’d think the major would be enraged to look so strange, doing his sidesteps full of frills. In with the boys and bashing sticks, and no dallying...
Cherry

The Honour Guard

The honour guard are glass eyed on parade, waiting for inspection and the day for which they've trained. Double ranks in waiting for the chief of the...
Cherry

Remains of a Dog Have Been Found

Remains of a dog have been found, in this ground that used to be a fortress. No-one can guess if he was stoned or drowned, or sent to a kennel...
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Suddenly I Am Santa (A Seasonal Transmogrification Nightmare)

Once it would have been no, no, no, now I horrifyingly affirm ho, ho, ho! Suddenly, I am Santa. Where did it begin? Went to bed arsey and unkind as...
Cherry

Windsock at the Cheese Factory

There is a windsock at the cheese factory to warn when the cheddar cheese breeze is blowing far too hard, to mark our cards about low-flying...
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Cherry

The Medieval Wildman Comes to Stay

New technology allows me to extract him from a woodcut and invite him into the house. It is a mistake. His stains will never be erased from the soft...
Cherry

All Them Monkeys, All Them Bears

All them monkeys, all them bears, O my goodness, how they stare. How they gnash, to what effect, call the doctor, fetch the vet! Please sedate that...
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The One That Got Away

I never got near enough to know for sure whether she was mermaid or maiden. All I know is that she was alluring beyond all endurance. But how do you...
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Four Legged Mary

Four legged Mary was kidnapped by fairies, they taught her to dance, but didn’t enhance her, no way. Hairy old Mary was not so much scary as wary and...