Tales from Happy Island

Tales from Happy Island
Cherry

(1) The Boatman Problem

I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and hurried downstairs to find Alun in excited mood. “It’s the boatman Jed, he’s going to Canada.”
Cherry

(3) The Death Problem

“This is a right mess you’ve gotten us into Jed,” Alun said. “Pushing Death into the River Styx where he faces certain death, meaning that we have to cover his role.

The Atlantis Problem

Always a keen explorer, many’s the morning my grandfather would wake me early with an excited shake of my shoulder. “Wake up, Jed,” he would say, “...
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The Cassette Problem

I was nine years old and I was woken at just after 6.30 one morning by a hammering on our back door.
Cherry

The Competition Problem

I was woken at just after 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door.
Cherry

The Dalek Problem

I was woken up at about 6.30 a.m. by a hammering on my door. “Come in Alun,” I shouted. I dressed and went downstairs to find Alun in an agitated state.
Cherry

The Dalek Problem (2)

I was woken up at about 6.30 a.m. by a hammering on my back door. I dressed quickly and hurried downstairs, to find Alun in an agitated state. “The Daleks are returning Jed,” he said.
Cherry

The Economic Problem

The only time Alun ever wore glasses was to assess my naked body.
Story of the week

The Election Problem

It was 6.30 a.m. when I was woken by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and shouted for Alun to come in. He was clearly agitated and refused to sit while I made us both coffee.
Cherry

The Elephant Problem

I was woken at just after 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door.

The end of the world problem

I was woken at 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door.
Cherry

The environmental problem

I was woken up at about 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door. “Come in,” I shouted down to Alun, “put the kettle on, I’m just getting dressed.”
Cherry

The Five Elephants Problem

I was woken at 6.30 a.m. by a hammering on my back door. I dressed quickly and shouted for Alun to come in.

The footprint problem

“There’s a footprint, Jed. In the wet sand on the North shore."
Cherry

The God Problem

I was woken by a hammering on my back door. Looking at my clock I was surprised to see it was barely 6.00 in the morning. ‘Who could it be at this hour’ I wondered.

The great expectations problem

I was woken early one morning by the ceaseless ringing of the bells from the prison ships camped offshore.
Story of the week

The Immigration Problem

It was 6.30 a.m. when I was woken by a hammering on my door. I quickly dressed and shouted for Alun to come in. He was clearly agitated and refused to sit while I made us both coffee.

The King Arthur Problem

I was woken at 6.30 a.m. by a hammering on my back door. I dressed quickly and shouted for Alun to come in. “I’ve found a body, Jed,” Alun shouted excitedly as I was coming down the stairs.
Cherry

The Mafia Problem

I was woken just before 6.00 one morning by a total stranger jamming a knife against my throat.
Cherry

The Map Problem (IP)

I was woken up at about 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door. “Come in,” I shouted down to Alun, “put the kettle on, I’m just getting dressed.”
Story of the week

The Mary Beard Problem

I was woken at 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door. “I’ve got mail Jed.”
Cherry

The Messiah problem

Very early one morning I was watching my geep on the hillside when I was awoken by a vigorous shaking of my shoulder. It was Alun.
Cherry

The meteor shower problem

I was woken up at about 6.00 a.m. by a hammering on my door, followed by somebody crashing and banging about in my kitchen.
Cherry

The Moon Landing Problem (IP from last week)

My father was woken at 6.30 one morning by a banging on his back door. He quickly dressed, pausing only to straighten his tie in the mirror, and rushed downstairs.

The Nazi problem

My grandfather was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering on his door. He dressed quickly and rushed downstairs to find Alan (Alun’s grandfather) in an agitated state.
Story of the week

The Oblong Problem

I was woken just after 6.00 in the morning by a hammering on my back door.

The Pirate Problem

“Time to get up, Cuthroat Jed,” he said, “great booty is afoot. We shall plunder and pillage ‘til nightfall or my names not Captain Alun.”
Cherry

The Roadsign Problem

I was woken at 6.15 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly threw on some clothes and hurried downstairs, where Alun was pacing up and down in an agitated state.
Cherry

The Ronnie O’Sullivan Problem

I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering my back door. ‘Who can that be at this early hour?’ I wondered to myself.

The Sandy Island Problem

I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering my back door. ‘Who can that be at this early hour?’ I wondered.
Cherry

The Toast Problem

I was woken up at about 6.00 a.m. by a hammering on my door.
Story of the week

The War Problem

It was 6.30 a.m. when I heard a hammering at my door. I quickly dressed and shouted for Alun to come in. He was clearly agitated. “We’re at war Jed,” he said.
Cherry

The Winter Festival Problem

One morning, I was woken at just after 6.30 by a hammering on my back door. ‘Who can that be?’ I wondered, before realising that, of course, it must...
Cherry

The Bird problem

I was woken at just after 4.40 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly threw on some clothes and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an...
Cherry

The smuggling problem

Neither Alun nor I ever had a proper holiday when we were young. Mum couldn’t travel far because of her condition, and Alun’s dad’s blacklist of...
Gold cherry

The Dog Problem

I was woken at just after 4.40 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I was most surprised. It’s extremely rare for Alun to rise before dawn and...
Cherry

The Parent problem

Death is somehow magnified a thousand times when you inhabit a land where the total population is in single figures. Alun’s mother had died when he...

The clown school problem

I hated clown-school. The summer school for wannabe clowns was established on Happy Island, in what had been the empty house, when I was aged 17. It...
Cherry

The sale of Happy Island

Sometimes I think that the sole purpose of government is to make life more difficult for off-mainlanders such as myself. For example, one morning I...
Cherry

Some of the things my mother managed to worry about

One of the many unpleasant features of my mother’s condition is that dementia is common in the later stages. Not, in my mother’s case, dementia in...
Cherry

Funeral

One morning my mother and I were woken by a polite knocking on our back door. We quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, expecting bad news, as bad...
Cherry

The international political crisis

Our island rarely receives visitors. Bar the occasional visit from Mary Beard, I can’t remember the last time a mainlander set foot on our shores, so...
Cherry

The tube of death pills

“I just want a pill so I can end it all Jed.” At times mother got quite bleak about her condition. As someone who’d always been active, she was...
Cherry

The carer

I was sixteen when Alun left for the mainland to study for his medical degree. Alun’s father had died just a few months before, meaning I was left to...
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The smoking ban problem

I have simply lost count of the number of times this quiet, peaceful island on which I live has been brought to a state of chaos by the unnecessary...

The environmental problem (play)

Sfx… Hammering on door. ALUN: ( shouting ) “It’s me Jed.” Jed enters, wearing dressing gown. JED: “Of course it’s you. There are only the two of us...
Cherry

The Pub Problem

News happens infrequently on Happy Island. Excitement is an occasional visitor. As for ‘new, exciting things’, these are simply unheard of. Or so I...

Therapy?

It was Mr Hurdy who forced me to see a psychotherapist. He said that I needed to address what he called my ‘irrational detachment from the mainland...
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The Lottery problem

I’m not a gambling man and neither is Alun. However, life in a two-man kingdom can tend towards the tedious on occasion, and in order to liven things...

My father

I googled the name on the birth certificate Alun had given me. There were a few people with that name, but most of them were the wrong age, or from...

The freedom problem

After my mother’s funeral I spent a week by myself, visiting some of the less well known islands in our archipelago: Invisible Island, the Silly...
Cherry

The Novel problem

With a successful career as a journalist and advertising copy writer, I was inspired to live my dream. To become a writer. I had always wanted to...
Cherry

The dragon problem

I was woken early one morning by the sound of six geep rushing through the geep-flap in my back door. I was just drifting back off to sleep when I...

Death and the council official

I wasn’t asleep but it was like I was dreaming. Here I was, once more dressed in the Robe of Mortal Doom and carrying the Sword of Destiny. I was...
Cherry

The Sailor problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an agitated mood. “What on...
Cherry

The Santa Claus problem

I was woken early one Christmas Eve by a hammering on my back door. “What is it?” I shouted down the stairs. “It’s Santa Claus, Jed,” said Alun, “He’...

The Philosophy problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun, busy jumping up and down. “What...

The self-propelled island problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly rushed downstairs to find Alun waving a piece of paper excitedly. “We’ve got...

The snow problem

I was woken at just after 7.30 one morning by my alarm clock. ‘Strange,’ I thought to myself, ‘Alun usually wakes me before now on his way back from...

the funeral problem

Jane came with me to the funeral. We left little Jed with one of Jane's friends, another unemployed Dalek. My father had very little family, he never...
Cherry

The radio problem

I was woken early one morning by the sound of someone hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, where Alun was excitedly...
Cherry

The egg problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. ‘That’s funny’ I thought to myself, ‘Alun usually knocks quietly and politely, I wonder...
Cherry

The Mendip problem

I was woken at just after 6.35 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I threw on some clothes and hurried downstairs, where I found Alun in a...
Cherry

The Bad King John Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I rushed downstairs to find Alun waving a five pound note. “What is it?” I asked. We...
Cherry

The Greyhound problem

I was woken early one morning by a polite knocking on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs – a polite knock is usually a sign of bad...
Cherry

The Coalmine problem (1)

The Happy Island coalmine was once the biggest off-mainland mine in the whole kingdom, employing hundreds of miners and support staff. Alas, after...
Cherry

The pie problem

Jed was sleeping in again. He wasn’t there to meet the morning boat, and when I called round his house the lazy scamp was still asleep. It was after...
Cherry

The coalmine problem (2)

Part two of the story - part one can be seen here: http://www.abctales.com/story/other-terrence-oblong/coalmine-problem-1
Cherry

The Meteor Problem (1)

I was woken at just after 6.30 one morning by a polite, but firm, knocking on my back door. How strange. It clearly wasn’t Alun’s knock, yet Alun is...
Cherry

The Meteor Problem (2)

Thick cloud hung over Happy Island, an impenetrable blanket of blackness, the sun shied away day after day and not so much as a stray twinkle of...
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Cherry

The goldmine problem (1)

I was woken early one morning by a formal, polite knocking on my back door, the type of knock you might associate with a lawyer from the mainland. I...

The Lighthouse problem (1)

Autumn. Alun and I sat on the western cliff watching the day slowly disappear, the sun descend, redden and fade. We stared for a while out at the...
Cherry

The Meteor Problem (3)

I had expected the Happy Island to Antarctica cruise ship to go straight to Antarctica, but as we passed the Big Important Mainland Dock, the cruise...
Cherry

The goldmine problem (2)

Though Klondike Island lies on the same archipelago as Happy Island, it is a journey of several hundred miles, due to the complex geography of the...
Cherry

The goldmine problem (3)

We had arrived at claim 127, the gold claim we had inherited from our uncle, just in time for the start of summer, the brief period when the ice-hard...

The Meteor Problem (4)

It was a tense journey to the Antarctic, as I was sharing a boat with the great rivals Aaron and Alun Davies, who both claimed full rights to the...
Cherry

The Wind Up Bird Problem

Alun loved Mr Tibbles. Mr Tibbles was his cat, who Alun had trained to play the Theremin. Mr Tibbles had achieved considerable acclaim throughout our...
Cherry

The alien invasion problem

I was woken at 6.05 one morning by a frantic hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an unusually anxious...
Cherry

The Heffalump Problem

It was barely 6.29 in the morning when I was woken by a loud knocking on my back door. ‘Who on earth could it be?’ I wondered, but of course it was...
Cherry

The unexpected basket problem

I was woken early by an unexpected knocking on my back door. My clock read “4:35”, which meant that it was 5:32 a.m. Happy Island time, or 5.38 a.m...
Cherry

The survivors of the Jonathan problem

It was a stormy night, but somehow I managed to fall asleep, in spite of the wind hurling mercilessly at my rooftop and all the accompanying noise...

The Guinness Book of Records Problem

I was woken early one morning by a loud banging on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun standing there with two...

The Brad Pitt problem

I was woken early one morning by a loud knocking on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs where I found Alun, pointing excitedly at...
Cherry

The fire problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly changed out of my nightclothes into something more suitable, checked my hair...
Cherry

The Happy Island Radio Show Problem

One morning, I was woken early by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an excited state, waving a...
Cherry

The dead body problem

I was woken early one morning by a loud banging on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an agitated state. “There’s...
Cherry

The Bee Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and made my way downstairs, to find Alun in an agitated mood. “It’s...
Cherry

The birth certificate problem

It may seem strange to conventional mainlander types, but it wasn’t until I was 33 that I even realised it was unusual not to know who my father was...
Cherry

The Welly problem

I was woken at 4.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door. ‘I wonder who it could be at this hour?’ I thought, as I dressed and rushed...
Cherry
Story of the week

The St Trinians problem 

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and made my way downstairs, to find Alun in an agitated state. “Its...

The Comet Hunter Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an excited mood. “It’s the...
Cherry

The Ella Minnow Pea Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, where I found Alun looking agitated state. "It...
Cherry

The dead body problem

You often don’t get the lie-in you hoped for in life. That switched off alarm means nothing when a neighbour calls round early with the news that the...
Cherry

The TV Problem

The video recorder never made it to Happy Island, nor did the DVD. We don't even downstream. There's no need. Alun and I use the TV room in the Empty...
Cherry

The rock problem

I was woken early one morning by a dreadful racket taking place outside my bedroom window. It sounded like two people arguing very passionately and...
Cherry

The counting horse problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an agitated state. "What's 7 +...
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The Yellow Shirt Problem

I was proud of my new yellow shirt, it was by a long way the best shirt I had ever owned, and I took every opportunity to walk around Happy Island...
Cherry

The Music Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an excited mood. "It's my...
Gold cherry
Story of the week

The Toll Booth Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs where I found Alun holding ladies clothing. "I'...
Cherry

The Wisdom Problem

I woke early one morning to make Wise Alun his breakfast tea. I quickly dressed and rushed over to his house, where I began preparations for the tea...
Cherry

The King Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, where I found Alun in an agitated state. "It's...
Cherry

The Message in a Bottle Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, where I found Alun holding a bottle. "It's a...
Cherry

The Pigeon problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun holding a pigeon. "It's a pigeon...
Cherry

The Name That Squid Problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly rushed downstairs where I found Alun in an excited state. "I'm on Name That...

The llamajama problem

I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun, wearing pyjamas with llamas on...
Cherry

The Treasure Problem

I was woken early by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an excited mood. "I've found treasure, Jed...
Cherry

The Open House Problem

I was woken early one morning by the sound of complete strangers talking outside my back door about my collection of broken flower pots. "What a...
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Cherry

The aunt Margaret problem

I was woken early one morning by the ringing of my back door bell. "How strange," I thought, "The bell hasn't worked for decades." I quickly dressed...
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