Unordered Tales

By primate

  • 1049 reads
Cherry

RHYME Damn You!

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

I'm sick of reading poetry That doesn't rhyme or scan And I'm sick of the pretentiousness Of Literary Man - I hate the blatant snobbery And 'artistry...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate U

A Foreign Tour

By primate on Wed, 29 Sep 2004

I want to go to Belgium to encounter noble men Who've slept with ugly women for a Belgian-Franc or ten, I want to visit lovely France and eat garlic...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate 12

A: The first bit

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

It is convention to begin a tale with an opening designed to secure attention, to grab the audience by the throat and say "Here, listen to ME, listen...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate U

Aardvark

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

There was a young aardvark with blisters Whose nose got caught up with his sister's They tried to untangle But just got more mangled 'Til dad came...
Children's
Story
Certificate U
Cherry

An Anti-Christmas Rant

By primate on Wed, 29 Sep 2004

Baah humbug to Christmas and nuts to Noel I'm sick of the traffic and shopping is Hell The glittery tinsel gets right up my nose And so do the cards...
Humour
Story
Certificate U

B is for... Arse and Literature

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

This is a piece of art A literary gemstone sparkling In it's own beauty. I am an artist Weaving words into tapestries Of wonder. My metaphors are...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate 12
Cherry

B: The second bit

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

Marvin didn't pass my window the next day. I put it down to the tears of the day before, thinking that perhaps he had been unwell and that was why he...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate PG

Blowfish

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

There once was a blowfish called Clyde Who took a young squid for a ride They drove through the coral And though it's immoral Left litter and rubbish...
Children's
Story
Certificate U
Cherry

Butchers Of The Night

By primate on Wed, 15 Sep 2004

I'm scared to go to bed tonight For fear of what goes on I'm scared that at first morning light You'll find that I am gone. I'm scared that when I...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate U

C: The third bit

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

Thursday afternoon and still no sign of Marvin. I wanted to go out and buy a paper but I suspected that they'd be watching the newsagents. It would...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate 12

Chasing the dragon

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

Once a jolly writer sat beside an Apple-Mac Under the glare of a 60 watt bulb, And he sang as he typed and waited with his bit of foil You'll come a...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate 18
Cherry

Conkers

By primate on Wed, 29 Sep 2004

A boy accidentally kills his brother with a conker
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate U

Corgi

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

A corgi from out near Dundee Chased a young cat up a tree The cat from up high Said "Safe now am I!" And danced a small can-can in glee.
Children's
Story
Certificate U
Cherry

D'You Think That Captain Birdseye Is a Wanker&;#063;

By primate on Mon, 13 Sep 2004

D'you think that Captain Birdseye is a wanker? D'you think he sits there stroking all day long? D'you think the little fishes Given four and twenty...
Humour
Story
Certificate 18

D: The fourth bit

By primate on Sun, 12 Sep 2004

Tuesday was horrible. I had to wash my clothes first thing of course, and that always puts me in a bad mood. Then just as I was finishing off the...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate 12

Dave The Sailor

By primate on Wed, 29 Sep 2004

In a little green boat on the crest of a wave Sat a man in a coat who's first name was Dave. Dave was a sailor, a man of the sea, He had a loud...
Other Fiction
Story
Certificate U
Cherry

Dinner Is Always Gone Too Soon

By primate on Mon, 06 Oct 2008

Dinner is always gone too soon The plate too quickly cleared. Leaving worn ceramic patterns and a fat man’s lonely fears. In the darkened hours that lie ahead Before the next meal comes
Other Fiction
Certificate U