VeraClark

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322 of my comments have received 327 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

Sharp pull in the opening,

Posted on Sun, 14 Dec 2014

Sharp pull in the opening, engages straight away Lindy.

 

Think it needs more of Ben's personality to come through, more quirks and history of why they've moved - is he popular at new school, is he a content child? Often lonely kids...

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Posted in The Tree House

1 Vote

Captured the complex emotions

Posted on Sat, 29 Nov 2014

Captured the complex emotions really well, Bee, the resentment and helplessness, the quiet waiting for any sort of end and noticing trivial details in the immediate environment until the noise finally ceases. Crucially, DV is frequently witnessed...

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Posted in Asleep

1 Vote

What if and what did's

Posted on Fri, 21 Nov 2014

What if and what did's captured with a gutting sharp eye and tenderness.

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Posted in My Mother Myself

1 Vote

I really liked this. It has

Posted on Thu, 20 Nov 2014

I really liked this. It has an easy distinctive style with lots of detail and no overload. The back story is intriguing and the way you've incorporated history into it is imaginative. 

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Posted in The Lady In Red: A Ghost Story

1 Vote

Hello Crumpet, I like this.

Posted on Sun, 16 Nov 2014

Hello Crumpet, I like this. Absorbing with a very entertaining narrative voice. That line where Hav hits with the mushroom knife feels it needs bulking out - such a significant event if he stops moving. Just a minor point but needs a little more...

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Posted in Himmel's Fantastical Non-Adventure

1 Vote

I like the tribe metaphor and

Posted on Fri, 14 Nov 2014

I like the tribe metaphor and the use of 'the other' to convey the creature. That he/she impersonates animal calls but still doesn't get recognised feels key to his/her self-perception, there's an assumption that all the others are united but...

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Posted in Living on the edges

1 Vote

Not sure about nothingness -

Posted on Fri, 14 Nov 2014

Not sure about nothingness - surely it's a preconceived stereotype about what  'an other'  (petit bourgeoise ) thinks and speaks of. Who validates that it is what it is?  

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Posted in political correctness 1

1 Vote

Sounds like the female should

Posted on Thu, 13 Nov 2014

Sounds like the female should rely on nobody and have no needs at all whilst men can have children all over the world with no financial or parental responsibility simply because they're not the vehicle. Females don't get children without blokes...

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Posted in Man Vs. Child

1 Vote

Hi Michael, welcome to ABC

Posted on Tue, 11 Nov 2014

Hi Michael, welcome to ABC Tales. Shout if you;re unsure of how the site works, a very friendly bunch of people. There's lots to like in your first post - very descriptive, the castle metaphor is unexpectedly vivid and fitting. They are the pits...

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Posted in The Public Toilet

1 Vote

A beautifully conveyed scene

Posted on Sun, 09 Nov 2014

A beautifully conveyed scene of the totally surreal. 

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Posted in Collecting Samples

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