VeraClark
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318 of my 3,308 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 323 votes
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Hi Jesse, it's an interesting
Posted on Mon, 07 Sep 2015
Hi Jesse, it's an interesting read. Some lovely metaphors and descriptions.
Difficult to follow without paragraph breaks. Perhaps you could put those in?
Think you could cut Adolpho's detailed character description - height, clothes...
Read full commentPosted in The Funeral
Beautifully done. Could read
Posted on Mon, 07 Sep 2015
Beautifully done. Could read a book of your poetry. It's such a lightly handled piece for the displacement and loss inside.
Read full commentPosted in Stockholm archipelago
This is lovely -
Posted on Sun, 06 Sep 2015
This is lovely - contemplation and self analysis at the cemetery. The internal struggle interrupts half way through and pushes the picturesque poem out of the way, just as anxiety often does. I hope you post more often.
Read full commentPosted in In a cemetery.
It's a vaccum, the hospital,
Posted on Fri, 04 Sep 2015
It's a vaccum, the hospital, an exclusion that even seems to slow thought down. There's a life inside there that you don't give a second thought unless you're admitted and you can't help noticing finer details, going back to the smaller world you...
Read full commentPosted in In Windows
Ed, this is really absorbing.
Posted on Thu, 03 Sep 2015
Ed, this is really absorbing. I love the 'phone conversation and the description is quick, moves you along with crisp detail. May I make a suggestion - would it work if you started with 'Number 47 was suffering. The paint had peeled..' It drops...
Read full commentPosted in Repo Part 2 (Jason's last Repos)
This is full of fast pace and
Posted on Thu, 03 Sep 2015
This is full of fast pace and sounds are so real, the dialogue blasts out, it builds up fabulously in sensory overload. Not sure about the ending - the 'dream' ending but is it a dream - feels cliched and I think you might be able to strengthen...
Read full commentPosted in Dreamwars #1 Dani and the kermit ship
Such beautiful language,
Posted on Tue, 01 Sep 2015
Such beautiful language, spins you along with such richness and detail, it feels like a sensory experience just reading it.
Read full commentPosted in Relic
Absolutely loved this. Coming
Posted on Mon, 31 Aug 2015
Absolutely loved this. Coming of age and we’ve all met a Susan. I really felt it – powerful emotional depth and luscious description.
Read full commentPosted in Stain
Tina, this is so fuzzy and
Posted on Tue, 25 Aug 2015
Tina, this is so fuzzy and gorgeous, full of liberating horsey language and a daughter's triumph. Sometimes a poem features lots of words that appeal to the senses and this is one of them.Reminds me of the 'Wild horses I wanna be like you..' song...
Read full commentPosted in On my Daughter Learning to Ride
The expectation of some
Posted on Wed, 26 Aug 2015
The expectation of some clarity and cause is so sharply delivered in this, it's breathtaking when no news comes after such intolerable intrusion. A staggering piece. Technically, I think your font changes and inner voice are very effective,...
Read full commentPosted in Post mortem results
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