318 of my comments have received 323 Great Feedback votes
What a gorgeous concept.
Posted on Fri, 27 Nov 2015
What a gorgeous concept.Read full comment
It's a very well realised
Posted on Wed, 25 Nov 2015
It's a very well realised story with very sharp observations which contribute significantly to the tension. It was reassuring at the close - a satisfactory ending that gives your reader something to take away in a restorative fuzzy way.Read full comment
Posted in The Station
Agreed, Tina. Barbaric.
Posted on Mon, 23 Nov 2015
Agreed, Tina. Barbaric. Numbering the badger has a powerful reverse psychology here. Second person shift is unusual and destabilising - it works really well to distance yourself from the emotion and place your reader central to it. Plus it has...Read full comment
Posted in Through the Grass, Darkly...
The key image of chick and
Posted on Wed, 18 Nov 2015
The key image of chick and the emotions of letting go with flight are so delicately spun together in a gorgeous snapshot. It's evocative, the rich scents and .the outdoors steep it in a specific time and place . I love this.Read full comment
Posted in Supplication
Hi cassis, it's nostalgic and
Posted on Sun, 18 Oct 2015
Hi cassie, it's nostalgic and very candid. A thoughtful response to the brief. I would consider taking 'meandering' out as bit cliched and 'had' on line 3 could go for smoother ride.Read full comment
Posted in End of the road (Poetry Monthly)
I think the narrative stream
Posted on Fri, 16 Oct 2015
I think the narrative stream works as a child's distraction very well. I think you could take the double 'no no' 'yes yes' out and have singulars without it affecting structure. More natural. I'd be inclined to take more out - make your reader...Read full comment
Posted in In ver ness (Poetry Monthly)