Autobiography in 300 words.

I have the memory of a goldfish but certain indicents in my life have always stuck. For both these reasons I'm going to try to document these incidents in no more than 300 words.

Nic Nac Paddy Whack

‘IRA, IRA. Fuck the Queen and the UDA...’

Teaching the teachers.

Exam board courses bore the shit out of me so I always find myself people-watching.


‘Wat tha fuk ar youy slabberin abouyt?’ Pink drink drips from his wide wet lips. He’s about a foot wider than me and a fair few brain cells shorter. I’ve never been in a fight before. It’s quite exciting but I hope nobody’s watching because I’m not sure my couch Kung-Fu is going to be strong enough.

Living with Post-Natal Exhaustion

I retrieve the baby wipes from the fridge and the pleasantly chilled bag of spuds from the chest freezer. We’re too tired to work out who is to blame any more.

Our Neil

Not sure if this works better as poetry or prose.
Gold cherry

Grow up or give up.

We all make mistakes. I'm not sure of this is one of them.