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Pages

My stories

Cherry

Summer evening

Thoughts on entertainment and a fear of natural things
Cherry

Happy birthday

Please do not read if suicidal or depressed. Go and talk to someone.

Baby Sparrows Are Cute

Don't waste words
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228 of my comments have received 241 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

:))))

Posted on Sat, 20 Oct 2018

:))))

Thanks insert. It was a tremendous success. Lots of nice poetry. Inspiration for All Quiet On The Western (Weston?) Front. A Blackadder series. Spin-off household technologies that we now take for granted, like the tank. Knitted...

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Posted in General Synopsis

1 Vote

Nice wordsmithying. Betrays

Posted on Sun, 26 Aug 2018

Nice wordsmithying. Betrays that erudition again. Not sure about progress, though. Too passive.

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Posted in Army of Poets

1 Vote

Thanks ice rivers. I'll try.

Posted on Thu, 26 Jul 2018

Thanks ice rivers. I'll try.

I think an action moment is a good place to start with a non-linear telling. The crash. Then people are ready to know the whys and wherefores. The trick is keeping the glued from thereon. Sometimes we get too...

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Posted in August 26, 1989 (heaven part 3)

1 Vote

Yes. The quote's his. Ok.

Posted on Wed, 25 Jul 2018

Yes. The quote's his. Ok. Will do. I commented on part 4, I think, about the drafts and maybe looking at getting them more polished ahead of posting them. You'll pick up more readers and feedback.

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Posted in Better Angels of La Grange (heaven part 2)

1 Vote

Hi ice rivers. Contractions

Posted on Fri, 27 Jul 2018

Hi ice rivers. Contractions are just where we reduce (usually auxiliary verbs) from "I would" to "I'd" etc. She is - she's.

In direct speech it sounds more natural as it's how we tend to speak, in narrative writing it's more relaxed and...

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Posted in Darien Lake Flashback (heaven part 4)

1 Vote

I hope not. There have been

Posted on Sat, 28 Jul 2018

I hope not. There have been some superb novel length pieces produced on here. Readers are encouraging but human. I think people drop out and then sometimes drop in again, but there's usually a core who stay with it. It goes without saying that...

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Posted in Short Cherry Rant

1 Vote

Try to cut a little where you

Posted on Wed, 25 Jul 2018

Try to cut a little where you can. Put yourself on a barstool keeping the drinkers mesmerised.

Eg "I told him I wasn't sure" could be reduced to "I wasn't sure" directed straight at the audience. Direct, rather than reported.

Don'...

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Posted in Better Angels of La Grange (heaven part 2)

1 Vote

Maybe go with informal voice

Posted on Mon, 23 Jul 2018

Maybe go with informal voice / contractions (we'd). Keep the clauses short (when I came to... Maybe just that).

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Posted in Indiana Spin (Heaven Part 1)

1 Vote

I find the same with series

Posted on Sat, 28 Jul 2018

I find the same with series that run on. As I post new sections, the readership dwindles. I killed my last one fairly early, preferring to go with a short story. I've tried longer pieces in the past. There are options, I suppose. If you can get...

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Posted in Short Cherry Rant

1 Vote

I'm really relieved to read

Posted on Sat, 28 Jul 2018

I'm really relieved to read you're over that. Thank goodness. I suppose when we don't get the results we hoped for it makes us dig deeper. Maybe go through what you've written and see how you might sink the hook in more firmly - get the reader...

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Posted in Short Cherry Rant

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