59 of my comments have received 61 Great Feedback votes
I mean, how many girls get
Posted on Thu, 01 Jan 2015
I mean, how many girls get whisked around the world on a flying carpet? He literally knew how to sweep a girl off her feet, unfortunately, later on; I had to learn that there is a lot he sweeps under that carpet too. ...lovely use of metaphor....Read full comment
Posted in Session 4 - Being Married Perspective
The last line of this brought
Posted on Tue, 23 Sep 2014
The last line of this brought tears to my eyes .. but it's early and I was in the office at six forty five and haven't woken up yet, they wre morning tears, I'm not soft really, honest.
Adfverbs and words and phrases like ,rather, and...Read full comment
Posted in Reef 5 - Mayday!
This is the first of these
Posted on Sun, 21 Sep 2014
This is the first of these that I've read... beautiful writing. I loved every word of this. I'm also writing a dog story, but mine's darker. I'll be looking out for more of these.
Just one tiny thing, perhaps you could number...Read full comment
Posted in Reef 3 - The Boat
TV critics as a masterpiece
Posted on Mon, 03 Mar 2014
TV critics as a masterpiece unlikely ever to be equalled with some rating her show ,,, I'd put a comma after equalled.
guard of pastry chefs help their serving spoons at half mast...held?
Oh, come on Eton Mess witout a...Read full comment
Posted in The Golden Spoon Award
Little Ally’s head felt fuzzy
Posted on Sat, 30 Nov 2013
Little Ally’s head felt fuzzy… I’d keep the prefix ‘little’ for dialogue. When the narrator is referring to her as little Ally it gets a bit sickly. It’s like in the soaps when the baby’s always Baby so and so. ‘Who’s having Baby Jack tonight?’...Read full comment
Posted in school photos 34
Ally’s job was to say the
Posted on Thu, 28 Nov 2013
Ally’s job was to say the Lord’s Prayer as quickly as she could so that the monsters under the beds didn’t reach their bony fingers up, grab her by the ankle and pull her down underneath the floor to the great pit. …..Celt, I swear to you, I did...Read full comment
Posted in school photos 33
Odd use of capitalisation. I
Posted on Sun, 02 Mar 2014
Odd use of capitalisation. I'm not sure if this is done intentionally, but I'd be tempted to re-look at it and go for proper usage.
I like the wierd stiltedness of this, it reads a like an old Chinese proverb and that makes it...Read full comment
Posted in Man, Woman and Bird
Slowly begins to reflect and
Posted on Sun, 26 Jan 2014
Slowly begins to reflect and refract amid a golden hue;... I think the word begins here, weakens the piece, up to this point it's strong and assertive while being poignant and beautiful, just that one little word made it feel weaker than it had...Read full comment
Posted in The Deer.
Of course the other chap had
Posted on Sun, 26 Jan 2014
Of course the other chap had to be vaporised, but you've got to make sacrifices.... cute! I like this.
And whenever he is asked if he has any regrets, he will say, "It's a bit draughty on the moon."...Nice.
...Read full comment
Posted in It's a Bit Draughty on the Moon
eyes that scream whilehis
Posted on Sat, 25 Jan 2014
eyes that scream whilehis mouth devours... space
This is his huge stabbed throne!
Where screaming Saturnus and the shining stars do live.
This--- he calls his home... I like this, I think it sets the atmosphere for...
Posted in saturnius