I have 15 stories published in
0 collections on the site.
My stories have been read 14735 times
and 25 of my stories have been cherry picked. 323 of my 3,266 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 328 votes
323 of my comments have received 328 Great Feedback votes
1 Vote
Lots of your work is very
Posted on Thu, 11 Dec 2014
Lots of your work is very surreal and can have a sense of fragmentation or a momentary interrelational link between its characters. I think the polish on this is good - it's vivid with picturesque scenes you can pin down with your eyes because...
Sharp pull in the opening, engages straight away Lindy.
Think it needs more of Ben's personality to come through, more quirks and history of why they've moved - is he popular at new school, is he a content child? Often lonely kids...
Captured the complex emotions really well, Bee, the resentment and helplessness, the quiet waiting for any sort of end and noticing trivial details in the immediate environment until the noise finally ceases. Crucially, DV is frequently witnessed...
I really liked this. It has an easy distinctive style with lots of detail and no overload. The back story is intriguing and the way you've incorporated history into it is imaginative.
Hello Crumpet, I like this. Absorbing with a very entertaining narrative voice. That line where Hav hits with the mushroom knife feels it needs bulking out - such a significant event if he stops moving. Just a minor point but needs a little more...
I like the tribe metaphor and the use of 'the other' to convey the creature. That he/she impersonates animal calls but still doesn't get recognised feels key to his/her self-perception, there's an assumption that all the others are united but...
Not sure about nothingness - surely it's a preconceived stereotype about what 'an other' (petit bourgeoise ) thinks and speaks of. Who validates that it is what it is?
Sounds like the female should rely on nobody and have no needs at all whilst men can have children all over the world with no financial or parental responsibility simply because they're not the vehicle. Females don't get children without blokes...
Hi Michael, welcome to ABC Tales. Shout if you;re unsure of how the site works, a very friendly bunch of people. There's lots to like in your first post - very descriptive, the castle metaphor is unexpectedly vivid and fitting. They are the pits...
Lots of your work is very
Posted on Thu, 11 Dec 2014
Lots of your work is very surreal and can have a sense of fragmentation or a momentary interrelational link between its characters. I think the polish on this is good - it's vivid with picturesque scenes you can pin down with your eyes because...
Read full commentPosted in Shadow Cooking
Sharp pull in the opening,
Posted on Sun, 14 Dec 2014
Sharp pull in the opening, engages straight away Lindy.
Think it needs more of Ben's personality to come through, more quirks and history of why they've moved - is he popular at new school, is he a content child? Often lonely kids...
Read full commentPosted in The Tree House
Captured the complex emotions
Posted on Sat, 29 Nov 2014
Captured the complex emotions really well, Bee, the resentment and helplessness, the quiet waiting for any sort of end and noticing trivial details in the immediate environment until the noise finally ceases. Crucially, DV is frequently witnessed...
Read full commentPosted in Asleep
What if and what did's
Posted on Fri, 21 Nov 2014
What if and what did's captured with a gutting sharp eye and tenderness.
Read full commentPosted in My Mother Myself
I really liked this. It has
Posted on Thu, 20 Nov 2014
I really liked this. It has an easy distinctive style with lots of detail and no overload. The back story is intriguing and the way you've incorporated history into it is imaginative.
Read full commentPosted in The Lady In Red: A Ghost Story
Hello Crumpet, I like this.
Posted on Sun, 16 Nov 2014
Hello Crumpet, I like this. Absorbing with a very entertaining narrative voice. That line where Hav hits with the mushroom knife feels it needs bulking out - such a significant event if he stops moving. Just a minor point but needs a little more...
Read full commentPosted in Himmel's Fantastical Non-Adventure
I like the tribe metaphor and
Posted on Fri, 14 Nov 2014
I like the tribe metaphor and the use of 'the other' to convey the creature. That he/she impersonates animal calls but still doesn't get recognised feels key to his/her self-perception, there's an assumption that all the others are united but...
Read full commentPosted in Living on the edges
Not sure about nothingness -
Posted on Fri, 14 Nov 2014
Not sure about nothingness - surely it's a preconceived stereotype about what 'an other' (petit bourgeoise ) thinks and speaks of. Who validates that it is what it is?
Read full commentPosted in political correctness 1
Sounds like the female should
Posted on Thu, 13 Nov 2014
Sounds like the female should rely on nobody and have no needs at all whilst men can have children all over the world with no financial or parental responsibility simply because they're not the vehicle. Females don't get children without blokes...
Read full commentPosted in Man Vs. Child
Hi Michael, welcome to ABC
Posted on Tue, 11 Nov 2014
Hi Michael, welcome to ABC Tales. Shout if you;re unsure of how the site works, a very friendly bunch of people. There's lots to like in your first post - very descriptive, the castle metaphor is unexpectedly vivid and fitting. They are the pits...
Read full commentPosted in The Public Toilet
Pages