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My stories have been read times318 of my 3,308 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 323 votes
318 of my comments have received 323 Great Feedback votes
1 Vote
What a fizzy, light poem with
Posted on Tue, 21 Jan 2014
What a fizzy, light poem with some deceptive teasing.
It's a little distracting with a chapter break in the middle. May read more seamlessly starting that in a new piece.Realise it's near the end, fast paced and good dialogue.
This is a strong idea and imaginatively conveyed. This line feels as though it should be linked with the preceding line with a comma, rather than being a stand alone statement:
As though charged with protecting a town from plague.
Intiriguing theme and liked the natural dialogue between Nina and Simon. Perhaps consider editing the over-use of 'she' throughout? I'm assuming you've incorporated it in that style to represent building panic, but I found the repetition got in...
Your language is blinding, blade sharp and startlingly original. An absolute pleasure to read over and over until laughter threatens to throttle you at that albino rabbit on blue wheels, then the power of the last stanza straightens your face up...
Beyond the obvious beauty of this piece, in trying to comprehend and contextualise pain I simply can't, I was thinking about how powerfully you sustain your daughter's memory in your own code as a matter of course. You make sure that your...
dazza, that eternal wait for the bus, know it well. Liked the conversational tone of this, it sways this way and that. Centre alignment works well. Needs a spell check.
What a fizzy, light poem with
Posted on Tue, 21 Jan 2014
What a fizzy, light poem with some deceptive teasing.
Read full commentPosted in Letter to a friend
It's a little distracting
Posted on Wed, 22 Jan 2014
It's a little distracting with a chapter break in the middle. May read more seamlessly starting that in a new piece.Realise it's near the end, fast paced and good dialogue.
Read full commentPosted in Carruthers' Demise, Final Chapters
This is a strong idea and
Posted on Wed, 22 Jan 2014
This is a strong idea and imaginatively conveyed. This line feels as though it should be linked with the preceding line with a comma, rather than being a stand alone statement:
As though charged with protecting a town from plague.
...
Read full commentPosted in An idea on the premature death of ideas.
Intiriguing theme and liked
Posted on Sat, 18 Jan 2014
Intiriguing theme and liked the natural dialogue between Nina and Simon. Perhaps consider editing the over-use of 'she' throughout? I'm assuming you've incorporated it in that style to represent building panic, but I found the repetition got in...
Read full commentPosted in Panic
Your language is blinding,
Posted on Tue, 14 Jan 2014
Your language is blinding, blade sharp and startlingly original. An absolute pleasure to read over and over until laughter threatens to throttle you at that albino rabbit on blue wheels, then the power of the last stanza straightens your face up...
Read full commentPosted in Her 64th boyfriend
Heartwarming tale. The
Posted on Sun, 05 Jan 2014
Heartwarming tale. The dialogue is really animated and real.
Read full commentPosted in Compassion
Beyond the obvious beauty of
Posted on Wed, 01 Jan 2014
Beyond the obvious beauty of this piece, in trying to comprehend and contextualise pain I simply can't, I was thinking about how powerfully you sustain your daughter's memory in your own code as a matter of course. You make sure that your...
Read full commentPosted in Six Years On...
Really liked the concept of
Posted on Fri, 13 Dec 2013
Really liked the concept of this story. Can imagine it happening with all the mobile technology.
Read full commentPosted in Mischief
This is absolutely lovely.
Posted on Sat, 07 Dec 2013
This is absolutely lovely.
Read full commentPosted in From here to there
dazza, that eternal wait for
Posted on Mon, 02 Dec 2013
dazza, that eternal wait for the bus, know it well. Liked the conversational tone of this, it sways this way and that. Centre alignment works well. Needs a spell check.
Read full commentPosted in The second of December twenty thirteen
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