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This is an incredible poem
Posted on Tue, 26 Aug 2014
This is an incredible poem Parson. It is a clever concept that links the life of the garment with class, aspiration, illusion and romance. I don't feel I can say much more because nothing I write can really compare with this.
O yeah, my...
Read full commentPosted in Old Harris Tweed
Before I read this poem I
Posted on Mon, 25 Aug 2014
Before I read this poem I just want to say how amazed I am by your prolificness (word?). The only reason I don't read everything you do is that I can't keep up! And even with that, the quality of what you do is so high!
For a tortoise like...
Read full commentPosted in It Usually Rains at Funerals
Great closing couplet
Posted on Wed, 20 Aug 2014
I too, love the closing couplet. You use a lot of very short main clauses. In fact all of the lines except 6 and 13 end with one, and this creates a kind of staccato about the piece as a whole. Was this the intention (it fits pretty well I think...
Read full commentPosted in Dirty Lucre
Phonologically Yours
Posted on Wed, 20 Aug 2014
You've got some great phonology going on here. I love the line:
the stars, are at the bars, seen slow dancing in the near dusty air
some heavy sibilance, consonance, alliteration going on there!
Read full commentPosted in bastard Ghalza
You've got a good 'fairy tale
Posted on Sat, 16 Aug 2014
You've got a good 'fairy tale' quality about your writing voice - but this is very messy. You really do need to read this though and tidy it up a bit for the sake of your reader.
You're a real storyteller - so make it count!
Thanks...
Read full commentPosted in The Drawer
Yeah, but if you lot leave,
Posted on Sat, 09 Aug 2014
Yeah, but if you lot leave, we're stuck with them for good! But your're right that Scotland probably will be better off freed from Freidman and Hayek, Thatcher and Cameron. You guys would be able to make a more egalitarian society whilst us lot...
Read full commentPosted in Scotland Will Be Free
I like this very much. Direct
Posted on Sat, 19 Jul 2014
I like this very much. Direct and moving. I liked the ending particulary. There are loads of things I love.
And in the exquisite mirror of you,
for example - I love the idea of our partners somehow being mirrors that perhaps we...
Read full commentPosted in Reflection in you
would this work?
Posted on Mon, 07 Jul 2014
I really like the poem, but I agree there is something missing too. How do you feel about the idea of putting 'The audience naps.' at the very end, making a two sentence final line?
I think this would create an amusing balance with 'we...
Read full commentPosted in Midpoint (IP)
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