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I really like the fact that
Posted on Thu, 27 Feb 2014
I really like the fact that you have only used the sense images and that there is no ideological comment aside from what the reader chooses to take out. I also like the sentence structures that have that sense of breathless concentration. I like...
Read full commentPosted in Bike Ride
Liked this a lot. The writing
Posted on Thu, 14 Sep 2017
Liked this a lot. The writing is very powerful. Very philosphical. I liked ths stuff at the end about the subjugation of the body and the mind. It fits really well with the veganism. The whole piece feels very cohesive.
Read full commentPosted in relapse prevention therapy
Still at it - looking good J.A.
Posted on Sat, 29 Jul 2017
Hi. Great to see you still writing J.A..
And you're getting really good. Some of these sentences are awesome.
Here are some phrases / sentences you might think about changing:
- even the long and white sand dunes in the
...
Read full commentPosted in The Second World War: PART 1 - Roger Farrier - Dunkirk (1940)
I LOVE what you do with the
Posted on Sat, 16 May 2015
I LOVE what you do with the ending. Retake culture, though being 'banned' by the anti-market capitalists in government came about through demand and the desperation that young people feel about succeeding in this unequal (and becoming...
Read full commentPosted in Revision
I like the 'We verb-ed'
Posted on Fri, 03 Apr 2015
I like the 'We verb-ed' sentences. I think they help to emphasise the environment's disinterest, I think.
Read full commentPosted in Foss
I'm not sure I fully
Posted on Fri, 20 Mar 2015
I'm not sure I fully understand this one, but there's plenty to think about, the strong rhymes that fall away and surge back, the designed used of capitalisation. It's a poem about writing and the product is... death?
It's jarring and...
Read full commentPosted in Down to the River
'Fuck you sir,' well fuck you
Posted on Mon, 26 Jan 2015
'Fuck you sir,' well fuck you too,
I can't say that but what I do
is remove you and spend half the day
filling paperwork for the PL's tray.
We've all been there! This poem's quite an epic, and I admit I was drawn in by...
Read full commentPosted in Lazy Bloody Teachers
I liked the narrative here.
Posted on Sun, 18 Jan 2015
I liked the narrative here. The dense internal rhymes and alliteration create some punchy rhythms and the metaphor of the running with wear and tear of experience is an interesting one. I think this is a poem that would sound really good being...
Read full commentPosted in Once, We Were Runners
Now that's a healthy comment
Posted on Thu, 08 Jan 2015
Now that's a healthy comment section! Hi. I really liked the story and I like that the ending has a nice partial resolution.
For me these phrases are a little odd and you might rejig them in the redraft.
'Paul screwed his eyes up. A...
Read full commentPosted in A Bowl of Water Falls
I like the way the promises
Posted on Thu, 01 Jan 2015
I like the way the promises build up slowly with separated 'I will's then tumbles down in a flurry of 'and's. Well done Bee.
Read full commentPosted in New Year's Revolutions
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