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I really enjoyed this. It's
Posted on Sun, 08 May 2016
I really enjoyed this. It's a cliche to say 'we've all been there', and maybe not exactly in that way, but the emotions are so recognisable, and the remedies, with personal variations, are pretty universal. The bit about social media made me...
Read full commentPosted in Tara
The strands all coming
Posted on Mon, 28 Mar 2016
The strands all coming together and it is still well controlled - the reader feels confident that you have command of the plot! (Not always the case with thrillers). Marc has a real depth of character - I like the way you present the loving...
Read full commentPosted in EBOLOWA 34
The opening paragraphs of
Posted on Thu, 08 Oct 2015
The opening paragraphs of this chapter are absolutely splendid writing. For me, Marc is the most vivid of all the characters. The bit about the hip being a pestle and mortar is particularly striking.
Also another development in this...
Read full commentPosted in EBOLOWA 22
Hi
Posted on Wed, 12 Aug 2015
Hi
I'm rattling through this - enjoying very much. The details you have put in to evoke the period are very effective. I was very struck in a previous chapter how you caught the murk and grime of seventies Britain, and the feel you have...
Read full commentPosted in EBOLOWA 15
One of the things I really
Posted on Wed, 27 Apr 2016
One of the things I really like about this story is the way you anchor it with precise detail and description - lots of day to day stuff that gives the people and the place solidity and believability, so important when your plot centres on the...
Read full commentPosted in Switchback. Ch14 pt2
It is difficult to read,
Posted on Wed, 20 Apr 2016
It is difficult to read, particularly on a screen. The words themselves provide the cumulative effect you seem to be aiming for, powerfully building to the denoument. I don't think you need this particular formatting.
Read full commentPosted in WW1 ghosts
You have not put this piece
Posted on Tue, 19 Apr 2016
You have not put this piece as fiction so I am assuming it is at least partly personal experience. It must have been very difficult to write. You've captured the heightened emotion of such an occasion, the artificiality and sometimes surreal...
Read full commentPosted in A Fathers Secret
I'm not a fan of the Family,
Posted on Mon, 18 Apr 2016
I'm not a fan of the Family, but I felt for her son, posing for 'that' picture. Choosing between the symbolism of doing it and the symbolism of not. Whatever the perks, I wouldn't fancy life as a signifier.
Read full commentPosted in A Life in Tabloid Pictures
Interesting idea with lots of
Posted on Sun, 17 Apr 2016
Interesting idea with lots of detail - is ths part of something longer or are you thinking of expanding it? Lazlo sounds like a character with lots of potential for development before his sad demise. Or was it his demise? I think there were...
Read full commentPosted in A Trip to Edinburgh
Particularly liked the
Posted on Wed, 13 Apr 2016
Particularly liked the portrayal of the relationship between George and Mary - very moving. I find the way you are introducing the characters very interesting - they appear, with their own stories, as needed by the plot. You haven't followed...
Read full commentPosted in Switchback. Ch9
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