45 of my comments have received 42 Great Feedback votes
Posted on Sun, 24 May 2015
Otherworldly, dark, mysterious and sad. It feels like a psychological description of a 'place' to me. A dark place in which he is stuck. I love how your work leaves the reader hanging and provokes thought!Read full comment
Posted in Gave it to the sea
I found this edgy and was
Posted on Thu, 21 May 2015
I found this edgy and was really gripped by the underlying tension throughout the story. K binning the yogurts is very telling of their relationship! (might be a wee typo at 'an dark hue'?)
It leaves me asking lots of questions and wanting...Read full comment
This is very well crafted.
Posted on Tue, 19 May 2015
This is very well crafted. The train setting is effective to the characters inner thoughts. In particular I liked the character thinking she had stopped the train using her mind!
Also ' the edges draw paper- cuts down across my nerves, ...Read full comment
Posted in I Can Stop When I Want To
Really effective imagery
Posted on Sat, 09 May 2015
Really effective imagery achieved especially in stanza five - ice-lolly milk breath scatters dandelion clocks...toddler chasing dollar bills...flickering phones..
I've seen something new in it every time I've read it- brilliant...Read full comment
Posted in Montage of my sons. IP