Mistress Wink Reborn

Lives Fake_Spice.jpgDescribed

Francoise Lan-go

This is one of the world’s rarest primates: Francoise Lan-go. He sits upon the river bank sucking escargots And when his pipe is full he’ll contented puff and blow

'I Love Lucy'

‘I Love Lucy’ was broadcast into space From 1951 for many series filmed at pace The creatures on Zaltonar, nearest planet to our own Learnt about our manners, about our needs, about our home

...On the Subject of Old Church Slavonic

I trust the world will not forget The Glagolitic alphabet And hieroglyphs or cuneiform And every new, ingenious form Of writing that did ever grace The history of the human race.

A Lighter Shadow

On Swanning Night came wandering home A loose-chinned man, parched and alone Rest - he take it; thirst - he slake it And gnawed the cheese down to the bone Wondered I what jiggered him so,


Alisdair’s head got bigger and bigger He’d never lie and still it grew He never fought, one of few But still it expanded this massive head And popped one day. Alisdair’s dead.

Death and the Chicken

Death comes to all who wait But for my Aunt it came too late She’d waited an eternity Then left at two, Death came at three. Aunt was on the bus by then -


Edith Blake’s children were on fire She cast her eyes about for a pail of water But she found a coatstand made out of wire And proceded to beat out her daughter.


Polly put the kettle on… Polly put the kettle on… Polly put the kettle on… And now she’s stuck

My Great Aunt Nell

My Great Aunt Nell had a terrific smell It followed through life, and no doubt to Hell. Her feet were in slippers, Her hands were immense And you’d call her by ‘phone if you had any sense…

We'd Sailed For Years in Outer Space

We’d sailed for years in outer Space To promulgate the Human Race Then landed on the planet Drug Whence encountered the Cymraeg Slug This Welsh-speaking abomination


All was lost, as Jimmy had found His family at sea, and all had drowned And he was to live with his Auntie Emma his Uncle, George and his cousin - Gemma

Grr Aargh

I sell zombies to the military A death defying wheeze It's saved my Auntie Hilary And, of course, my Aunt Louise. Aunt Louise was batman to Archduke Ferdinand.

Third-Party Fire and Theft

In mock approbation the Constable chides Most unwelcome these Special asides It adds to the way that the vandal derides Oh, what a wake-up in the morning!

The Ghost of Wanleighgripp

They say, way down, at the edge of town Stalks the ghost of Wanleighgripp And what a sight she is at night As she haunts old Wanleigh tip Now the story goes that once, 'pon Ho


Face like a cannonball, smelt like an animal, I wouldn't eat him if I were a cannibal. Out in the night, he asked me outright: Prodded my shoulder and told me to, 'Fight!'


Though runes may be cool and iconic (And occasionally boustrephodonic) For a blessing or curse They're no better or worse Than Latin or Old Church Slavonic.

Wuthering Heights as Limerick

There once was a house on the moors, 'Wuthering Heights' writ over its doors. Cathy, its miss, Heathcliff did she kiss But he never got into her drawers.

Moosie Malcolm

Harry, unkempt, espies a mouse in his vest in his vest, that's: Harry's vest. He calls him Moosie Malcolm Moosie Malcolm's hair's unkempt Like Harry'...

Tango for One

I found a pound upon the ground whilst out the other day I tried to grab it quickly but it quickly rolled away. My husband had it on a string, he put...


A parchment map sinks in the bath, Mary dear. And loses elasticity theron. The ink flows in bubbles that slide and dissolve, our homeland washed and...