An Apology to ABCTales

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Wed, 2012-07-11 14:20

Dear everyone,

I wrote recently about how ABCTales helped me through the grieving process of my brother’s death and gave me the confidence to take risks as a writer. Without ABCTales at that time my life may have taken another wrong turn, of which there have been many over the years. For that I will be ever grateful.

Over the last year or so I have had the pleasure of communicating with many great writers on ABCTales, and also met some of them at an ABCTales evening. To my great surprise they were all very nice people, and fairly normal, too. I almost felt at home, albeit in the heart of London.

Once I settled I tried my best to welcome as many new writers to the site as possible, and spent many hours reading and commenting on the work of others, especially that of new members as I understood how nerve-wracking an experience it is posting one’s creative work on a public forum for the first time.

Over the year I also tried to offer help and guidance to new writers, whether about formatting for easier reading online or by posting various links to sites that could help others progress as writers.

Throughout this time I tried to be both supportive and humorous. That is just the way I am. Even now, as I try to be serious, it is difficult for me not to be flippant.

Unfortunately, I have not always hit the mark. In fact, it appears I have stepped over it, and this has led to me being tagged as a bully.

This allegation has made me step back to take a look at myself and how my actions may be contrasted against the ethos of the site.

If I put one person off from being actively involved on the site then I have failed both ABCTales and myself. And for that I must apologise.

But even that apology isn’t enough.

There is only one way of ensuring such an embarrassing occasion never happens again.

It is with great regret that I hereby announce my intention to resign from ABCTales.

Many of you are like family to me and I will continue to periodically pop in and have a wee read of your work. I won’t comment, however, for fear of upsetting anyone, or of being misunderstood.

I wish you all the very best in everything you do, not just your writing.

Wed, 2012-07-11 14:25

The Other Terre...

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Wed, 2012-07-11 14:57

well-wisher

I'm quite surprised to hear that you've been tagged as a bully, Old Pesky. Personally, I've always found you to be very friendly.

Oh look, a link. I wonder where it leads.

JoHn

Wed, 2012-07-11 15:02

RachelPatricia

Cannot even begin to tell you how saddened I am at reading this, OP. I think I must've missed something here because 'oldpesky' and 'bully' are two words I never would've imagined being in the same sentence together (I know that oldpesky is a name and not a word, but you know what I mean). You have been nothing but supportive and encouraging towards my work and countless others' during your time here - some of the comments you left on my old stuff used to have me in tears... tears of complete joy and happiness. I don't know what else to say to make you stay. I'm flapping here, help me! Please don't leave, o' pesky one. Despite your name on here, you are far too young to be flying the ABC nest. I know that nothing I say will make a difference if you have already made your mind up, but I'd kick myself forever if I didn't at least try. We have lost too many great members already, OP. Losing you, and your talent, over one incident you're not proud of, would be - to myself, and to many others, I can imagine - nothing short of tragic. So please - have another think, have another sleep on it, have another biscuit - whatever works for you - and just stay. Take a deep breath, forgive yourself, and stay. Your friends here on ABC, of which you have many, will miss you far too much if you go. :( Rachel xx

Wed, 2012-07-11 15:02

alex_tomlin

Please don't go because of that, Old P. Have a break if needs be but do come back. Your stories and comments make a positive difference to this site so would be sorely missed. That's what I think anyway. And I'm prepared to fight anyone who says different!

Wed, 2012-07-11 15:16

hudsonmoon

I'm at a loss, Kevin. My impression is that you've always been positive and encouraging to all. I always looked forward to your comments and your editorial advice. I always found them spot on. I consider you top-notch in your approach to others and their writing. Spirited and fun are words that come to mind. I write this at work, so I write in haste. But I do hope you change your fucking mind. You'd be missed by many, old buddy. Rich

Wed, 2012-07-11 15:18

jolono

Apology OP, are you mad! I have read through the thread of the "discussion" and thought it was really good and well informed, quite intelectual actually! If everyone who had a bit of a "rant" on this site decided to call it a day, there would only be three people here and they'd be the cleaners! No need for apologies I'm sure, just another day on ABC! Also, isn't that what the forum is for, for different points of view!

Wed, 2012-07-11 15:27

albamac

No, oldpesky, don't you dare! I'm no stranger to grief and I, too, have enjoyed the kindness offered here. You were one of those who offered it. It was never my intention to drive anyone away from this place. We had an argument. It's over.

Wed, 2012-07-11 15:36

well-wisher

I've searched all your recent posts for bullying remarks, OP. I can't find anything that I would consider bullying. There are some ABCtalers (I won't mention any names) who can ocasionally be obnoxious on the forums and write far worse things but never get called a bully. I hope you don't quit ABCtales because I think this site would really suffer from the loss of good contributors like you.

Oh look, a link. I wonder where it leads.

JoHn

Wed, 2012-07-11 15:51

#10

fatboy74

OP, think of all the times I've been horrible to people who ask others to read their work on forums and you came in politely and explained things in a friendly and encouraging way. I recently asked an ABC member if they wanted a fight after a far less diplomatic discussion on a forum! I don't know anyone who is as well thought of as you on this site. I have read through it as well and can't see anything to apologise about. Whataver you decide, know that you have helped/encouraged a vast amount of people on here. ATB fatboy.

Wed, 2012-07-11 15:59

#11

scratch

Pesky. Scratch calling. I'm going to stick my neck out and potentialy break a confidence here. Let it be known, all members of ABCtales. Some while back I posted a prose piece, I was quite happy with it at the time but now of course on reflection I can see how it could be improved. How do I know this? Because pesky put me right about what I should do. But here's the thing; He didn't do it in a public forum (cogent I guess, that I might be sensitive of critical appraisal on that type of public platform especially as I was a relative newbie at the time). No; he took the time and effort to send me a personal e-mail with some invaluable help about what I should do to make my story writing better. It was the sort of help that you might expect from a professional editor. He put a lot of time and effort in FOR ME without even the spurious benefit of gaining any personal forum publicity and the kudos that might go with it. His help made a massive difference to me as a writer of prose. The first four chapters of my latest story have all been cherried and praised by those who have commented. Sorry if I have embarrassed you Pesky, but like someone said above if you went and I hadn't had my say I would have regretted it. Pesky please stay. P.S. Did I manage to get a personal plug in this?

Wed, 2012-07-11 16:10

#12

fatboy74

Allow me scratch: http://www.abctales.com/story/scratch/barred-sine-die great point scratch and another thing he has reminded me of, I don't know if OTT is around anymore, but she used to swear by you like my old nan used to swear by zinc and castor oil - you helped time and time again with her writing - off site I think. Enough said from me, you are a legend. If you go we should all go.

Wed, 2012-07-11 16:45

#13

alibob

Please don't go! You have been nothing but supportive and helpful to me in the past.

Wed, 2012-07-11 16:50

#14

Denzella

Dearest Old Pesky, No! NO! nO! Don't do it! I'm shaking so much I can't tyupe thi blessed thing please don't do it. You helped me so much whe I first came on this site and like you I try to write a serioous subject with a bit of humour but sometimes it is inaproprate and you pointed this out to me and I could see straight away you were right I will be forever grateful for that. I knew nothing about this lspat and don't want to but You have been on my mind for several days now because I hadn't been on your site for a while now to see if you had written new stuff but I never seem to get round to everyone that I want to follow. Please re-consider. Like FB said if you go we all go you wouldn't want that on your conscience now would you? You wouldn't like to be the reson my writinng career came tro a afull stoop, would noy noow. No, you are too generous a person for that! Moya

Thu, 2012-07-12 07:05

(Reply to #14) #15

Cavalcader

New Denzella, Agree all you say about Oldpesky. Glad see your back typing ok. We just done 40 years sunday,not celebrating,then we had four us,went very well. All planned last minute. This is like a !Ping pong game! No one has to win! Ping pong is a mind's game,isn't it,only one winner,like tennis,we seem take bad with the good! One winner when another is so near,winning the game! Moral is it's over at the end. Sleep well. julie xx

Wed, 2012-07-11 17:17

#16

shoe

Please stay, abctales needs you. A misunderstanding and both sides apologising!!! why go? it makes no sense Oldpesky, does it.

Wed, 2012-07-11 18:14

#17

Sooz006

It's all been said Above Pesk, but gobby here has to have her say. Can I be a little bit hard? You've obviously been outspoken enough to rattle somebody (I doubt you've ever upset anyone) so stand by your conviction. I haven't read the posts in question, but you know in your heart if you were cruel and if the title of bully fits. I think that everybody here knows, you included, that it doesn't. I can be opinionated in my comments, I always strive to be honest, but, I would dearly hate to think that I'd upset somebody, so I know exactly how you feel. but... doesn't leaving show that you feel you've something to be ashamed of? Just look at the responses above... you are highly thought of. Maybe you just needed to see that. I'll be disappointed if you leave because of this, Old Pesky. I know you're upset, I would be too.. but leaving does smell of throwing your toys out of the pram... and if you want another simile, or metaphor or whatever, cutting off your nose to spite your face. You've had a knock, your confidence is shaky, I think everybody here would respect you if you'd continue as normal. I for one, would love you to read and comment (in your normal honest style, no sugar coating) on one of my pieces. And I'm guessing all of your other friends on here, would too. There you go, horse all saddled up... get on it. Make tomorrow a new day and start again, as normal. People like and respect you and if you don't carry on as normal then you're making an issue for yourself where the comments above have proved that there isn't one. With respect and in friendship.

Wed, 2012-07-11 18:14

#18

Parson Thru

I never saw the comments but even Japanese businessmen rarely fall on their swords in this enlightened age. Think again OP. Hands appear to have been shaken and no one should feel the need to take the trusty Service revolver out of the desk drawer on this site. Aren't we all reasonably civilised? Post something and forget it. Kev

Parson Thru

Wed, 2012-07-11 18:30

#19

Ewan

Dear OP, Editing sends everyone bonkers (except TC). Take a break. Step back. The person you believe you upset may be a loon, who knows? Write, comment, edit - or not - but keep your presence on ABC; if you have time to devote to it, people (not everyone) will appreciate it. Good Luck Ewan Never underestimate the power of fools in large groups. Graffito in bar outside US Air Base in Turkey

Author Page at the 'Zon

Wed, 2012-07-11 19:53

#20

Cavalcader

new oldpesky Oh! No no no. Flabbergasted! You cannot leave,your work and life! Stories great! Look how you helped me,and met and came over to me first, time Ray ond I came to "The Wheatsheaf" London. To the table! The support work you do! We all make a mistake,somewhere in life. Even I do on here. You have been kind! There for me. Ray has gone from me,twice,just done quiet,celebration 40 years Ruby! I know few years back,it got too a slinging match! on here a bit,called AbcTales so many tales told. choked! you can't go! Look poor Denzella can't type with shock! Beautiful writer. Think it well over. Are you still working. Love your work stay please! do some when feel! Life is a battle course not bed of roses. What ever this is about bury it! Your sensitive so am I big softy,you say. So pleeese stay! Love give to many people. I don't always take things,correct,either as can't always do things so well. Just got over gt big accident fall! All over now. Truce! go on. Sometimes I can't say do right things here! But tomorrows another day. Isn't it. Dont' throw that talent away,gifted. best regards and wishes. Send me an email. Truce1 you know every day,something someoneone word wrong! we can feel it,some more than others. Every one is proud right word,of you and your work,and commments,and help! Tears relaxing have come out! Think poor! Denzella is her great work,typing gone wrong! she and other's are deeply affected! come! on. Put the boxing glovesd away! I would knock mine out behaviour and words. If one who! ever opologises,what ever forgotten. I have just had card via daughter amnd present,from mum=in-law,nice we did but barred not invited 80th. So what if take it in and cry! upset won't do my health any good. You do the same. Keep well. julie and Ray xx

Wed, 2012-07-11 19:25

#21

Linda Wigzell Cress

Don't go OP. You were one of the first authors I read on here and any comments you ever made were truthful and helpful. You may be somewhat forthright but bullying? No. I love your use of language (however colourful) and your underlying sensitivity. The diversity of the work on this site is inspirational and your writing was one of the main reasons I love it. Stay. We need you! Linda

Linda

Wed, 2012-07-11 19:46

#22

TVR

Come on, Kevin, you're bigger than that. I detect a little bit of feeling sorry for oneself here. Sooz is right. You've been great here, if one thing like this, and to quote Sooz with a bit of me thrown in... causes you to throw all the toys out of your green and white pram... then you're softer and even more sensitive than I thought. Where's that scottish grit? When I get down about things, lack of recognition, cherries, comments etc., I just say FUCK 'EM, they don't know shit, and have another beer. I wouldn't write you a begging letter, mate, because what you need is a good kick up the backside. And I mean that in a caring way. See you here again soon... or else! Trevor

TVR

Wed, 2012-07-11 20:10

#23

lavadis

Who the hell suggested you were a bully. You are the lifeblood of this site and you just cannot go. Please please reconsider.

Wed, 2012-07-11 20:17

#24

scratch

Lav is right pesky.

Wed, 2012-07-11 20:20

#25

scratch

Lav is right pesky.

Wed, 2012-07-11 20:47

#26

TVR

Thrice!!!

TVR

Wed, 2012-07-11 21:42

#27

sid

I think I know how you feel OP, having made one or two less than well-thought-out comments in the past. I once implied that somebody was a pussyhole, and there was a member who only ever posted adverts for their stuff on amazon, people were asking if they were a spammer, and I inserted my two pence by saying they sounded like an arrogant flaccid tube. Of course at the time I thought I was being very funny and that said big-head deserved it, but they left the site shortly afterward and I felt like the world's biggest shit, the word troll rolling around in my head and putting me off my din-dins. It sounds as though you were being intelligent and constructive, whilst I was just being an arse. I tend to forget I don't actually know these people, who may take things more seriously than I intend, and I end up talking as though I am sat in the pub having a bit of banter. Then afterward I feel terribly guilty and spend ages mentally slapping myself around the face and calling myself names. I thought of leaving, but I couldn't break the habit now unless I got hounded out! Everyone's already said it, but I'll say it again, don't go anywhere! You are an invaluable member of the site!

Wed, 2012-07-11 21:58

(Reply to #27) #28

TVR

Picking up on what you've said, sid... the internet is a wonderful thing, but people will behave very differently to normal (i.e. talking face to face with someone) because there is this false sense of being untouchable and unaccountable for their actions. It may be a subconscious thing, but it is there nonetheless. We feel safe because we are hidden and anonymous and therefore are likely to be more flippant and loose-tongued. By the way, I agree with everything you've said, but I still think op's being a bit of a Jessie behaving like this over one silly thing... and I love him to bits. Trevor

TVR

Wed, 2012-07-11 22:06

#29

oldpesky

Thank you everyone for your overwhelming support and kind words. I am not worthy to receive it, but only say the word and I shall be healed. What do you mean I can't bring religion into it? I bring religion into all my writing. I'm a stereotypical West of Scotlander with more chips on my shoulder than the final table of the World Series of Poker. Apologies for the toys being thrown out the car earlier today. At the time I believed it was the best thing to do. Perhaps I should up my medication to help me through these dark days of Scottish summer. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your point of view on toy throwing, the toys I threw never travelled far, because I'm a shit thrower. You should've seen the look on Buzz Lightyear's face as I screamed, 'To infinity and beyond, you little plastic spacey bastard' before landing him only two feet away in an elderly lady's handbag, next to her copy of Fifty Shades of Gray. Plans to go to the gym and build muscle on my throwing arm have had to be shelved due to recurring doses of laziness, apathy and fresh cream apple turnovers washed down with lattes. But of course, I couldn't leave here. Well, not without that gold watch Tony promised me for christmas. (Don't try and get out of it now.) Anyway, I'm off back to work now, extremely embarrassed about the fuss today's depressive swing has caused, and moaning about my sore back as I bend down to collect what's left of those aforementioned thrown toys. Unfortunately, Buzz wasn't returned by the elderly one after I told her his name was Buzz and he could take her to infinty and beyond, if she pressed the right buttons. Apologies again, everyone. I will go back to lurking in the shadows. But be warned. If I see one misplaced apostrophe...I'll...I'll...I'll keep my mouth shut.

Wed, 2012-07-11 22:09

#30

Syphon

I dont really know any of you but I think this is all a load of bollocks really, after all you have given ABCtales and the writers on this site and the massively positive difference you have made, you more than have the right to speak your mind from time to time. Thats called respect.its your choice OP but looks to me to be the wrong one. Hoping you continue your excellent work All the best Steve

Wed, 2012-07-11 22:14

#31

Syphon

Hi OP my comment posted after yours good decision Regards Steve

Wed, 2012-07-11 22:14

#32

jolono

OP, Good man, welcome to the site!

Wed, 2012-07-11 22:15

#33

scratch

And I as just about to smile slyly and then shout upstairs 'hooray the old twat has really fucked off, ready yersell fer me darrrlin it's all coom good'. Welcome back yer daft bugger!

Wed, 2012-07-11 22:29

#34

Denzella

Yippee! He's back!

Wed, 2012-07-11 22:58

#35

Indrani Ananda

Indrani Ananda Old Pesky - such an intriguing name. I first saw it when you commented on one of my posts when I first came on here. It cheered me up no end to have received such positive words from a fellow poet I have never met, because, believe me, I get nothing but indifference from so-called friends in the real world. You made my day, as I am sure you have done the same for many other people on this site. I hope you stick to your word and continue on here, you have to soldier on like the rest of us, and keep up the postings through thick and thin, through cherries or raspberries, and hope someone somewhere reads and appreciates them. Indrani.

Indrani Ananda

Thu, 2012-07-12 13:05

#36

Cavalcader

new Great Oldpesky! Hi! you stay! Too many any MP throwing toys out the pram. You know too "forgive them for they know not what they do"! "Forgi8ve us our trespasses and those who trespass against us so true! I can't stand swearing or gory things,but that is my nature! Read press button or delete. No don't increase medication ever,without advice! Just clear your mind. Remember. We have great Editor on here,t.cook. Big job too sort everything out, we are all different natures of course. Great site,we look on as friends,but don't truly know how our minds work! My punctuation goes in wrong places,too late if posted it on hear. Have to re-read and alter. I get annoyed if can't get a poem or understand me! Look at papers very criticising world now ugh! you take care! Mine says atrocious things,and fibs! know won't change. Says he loves me! Wonder. I feel opinion no need for all swearing,course gets it out the system. Even little children pick it up! from two years old I know! ps Hope your feeling brighter today. Great angel helper all. Life is like a "Ping Pong" ball games goes backwards and forewards only one winner,when game stops! Pleased all this is over. Hassle all. For you.

Wed, 2012-07-11 23:23

#37

hudsonmoon

Oldpesky writes: "But be warned. If I see one misplaced apostrophe...I'll...I'll...I'll keep my mouth shut." I actually like being scolded and told how I've screwed up. It's my wife's doing. I think you should be more like Perry White, editor of the Daily Planet: "Great Caesar's ghost, Hudson! You wouldn't know a gerund for a gerbil! Do it over!" Good to know you'll still out there, Kevin. Rich

Thu, 2012-07-12 08:23

#38

seashore

OH NO NO NO....... I haven't read all the other comments but I can't believe you have overstepped the mark in any way. Where on earth did this come from?? You're brilliant and I can't imagine this place without you so please reconsider, OP. I've been wondering where you were - missed you greatly. PS. Just read back a bit and gather you HAVE reconsidered....phew!

Fri, 2012-07-13 09:21

#39

Geoffrey

Why do I always find these things 3 days late? Thank God you're staying, you're one of a very small group who was kind about my Jennifer Jane stories. We all get upset at times about some small slight or other and then realise the next day that it was a SMALL slight. In any case how can I finish compiling my Sottish/English dictionary if you're no' here!!

Fri, 2012-07-13 15:19

#40

Linda Wigzell Cress

Well Geoffrey another good reason for our esteemed friend to stay on. And no complaints from me. I love Jennifer Jane! Linda

Linda

Fri, 2012-07-13 18:21

#41

albamac

In the interest of this online community, I offered an apology where none was necessary and, in the spirit of reconciliation, I removed my contributions to the conversation that caused oldpesky to panic and reach for his security blanket. He hasn't reciprocated. "It's heartening to know that someone somewhere is willing to discuss the pros and cons of independence with themself [sic]. Personally, I couldn't give a fuck" Ill-equipped, ill-prepared and uninformed, he was unable to offer a single intelligent comment or valid opinion on a subject that he treated with contempt. The fate of nations, he thinks, depends upon the fortunes of football teams, the fan(atic)s who support them and assorted others who think it reasonable to claim membership of a society whilst declaring that they "don't give a fuck" how the rest of us fare. Having jumped in with both feet, he found himself out of his depth and sent out a general SOS, calling upon others to drag him out of the mire. So, instead of riding off into the sunset, he sneaks up on a new dawn. Many of us have experienced trauma, tragedy and grief and some of us may choose to share those experiences with members of a trusted community, but I think that most of us would be reluctant to use our own misfortunes as a lever on the emotions of others. He plays to the gallery, whilst continuing to mock the legitimate, honest and informed opinions of others. That, to my mind, is an abuse of trust and I can't think of any reason why I should continue to condone such behaviour.

Fri, 2012-07-13 18:33

#42

scratch

Uh-oh......

Fri, 2012-07-13 18:34

#43

albamac

The Forum

Sat, 2012-07-14 13:19

#44

oldpesky

Aw, poor mac, he's like a dog with a bone. Fear not, young fellow, help is at hand. If counting to ten doesn't work for you try counting to twenty thousand. If that doesn't work try here - http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/treatments/faqshowtogethelp.aspx I'm sure you've benefited greatly from all this publicity but it's all a bit tiresome for me. If you don't want it give it to a charity of your choice. You can have a big hug anyway. Bye for now.

Sat, 2012-07-14 15:52

(Reply to #44) #45

albamac

Cast your mind back to the origin of this sorry affair. You mocked, derided and insulted others when you couldn't counter their arguments and, when called to account, you beat a hasty retreat, thus buying time to compose the mealy-mouthed epistle that sits atop this page. Now, when your cowardice and deceit are further exposed, you haven't the wit or wile to alter your tactics. "Aw, poor mac, he's like a dog with a bone. Fear not, young fellow, help is at hand. If counting to ten doesn't work for you try counting to twenty thousand." This 'young fellow' has encountered no difficulty when presenting his pensioner's ID card and sees things clearly enough to recognise this as a feeble attempt to belittle and discredit. As if that weren't vile enough, oldpesky decides to go for broke with this: "If that doesn't work try here" - The Royal College of Psychiatrists: FAQs: How to Get Help I won't bother to explain why I find that particularly offensive. Perhaps oldpesky should have set his sights on their motto, 'Let Wisdom Guide', before pulling the trigger. I've no idea what prompted the following remarks. "I'm sure you've benefited greatly from all this publicity but it's all a bit tiresome for me. If you don't want it give it to a charity of your choice. You can have a big hug anyway. Bye for now." Publicity for what? What have I gained from this thoroughly unpleasant experience that could be donated to a charity? "Over the last year or so I have had the pleasure of communicating with many great writers on ABCTales, and also met some of them at an ABCTales evening. To my great surprise they were all very nice people, and fairly normal, too." I read this and wondered why oldpesky was so surprised to find himself in the company of decent folk. That mystery is solved. Having read his latest contribution, can anyone explain why this creature commands respect on ABCTales?

Sat, 2012-07-14 16:00

#46

oldpesky

I think you're embarrassing yourself now. I hope you're okay. Beginning to get a bit concerned for your health.

Sat, 2012-07-14 16:53

#47

albamac

"I think you're embarrassing yourself now. I hope you're okay. Beginning to get a bit concerned for your health." No need for concern, pesky. I'm quite content to contemplate the nature of things whilst watching a pernicious weed wither.

Mon, 2012-07-16 16:03

#48

tcook

OK - what had been a fine topic has gone way off line. That concludes this topic. Please shake hands and make up - you are both highly respected members of this community and we love you both.

Topic locked