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this kept me glued to the
Posted on Wed, 27 Aug 2014
this kept me glued to the screen - what a fantastic piece of writing!
Read full commentPosted in Spit Out the Bugs in Your Mouth
I think the sparrows theme
Posted on Wed, 13 Aug 2014
I think the sparrows theme works beautifully - a very good piece of writing
Read full commentPosted in Sparrows
I love this poem, but please
Posted on Tue, 01 Jul 2014
I love this poem, but please tell me what a gont is - I have no idea and neither does google!
Read full commentPosted in The Gonts
right, you have a fantastic
Posted on Mon, 30 Jun 2014
right, you have a fantastic ending with this Denzella, and your plot is really developing nicely. Again, you need to work a bit on the dialogue (sorry to go on about it!). Too much with nothing to break it up makes it lose authenticity
Read full commentPosted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Ten - 1177 Words - Updated
this needs a bit of work - it
Posted on Mon, 30 Jun 2014
this needs a bit of work - it rambles a little - definitely worth an edit though - fantastic piece of writing!
Read full commentPosted in Upon My Arrival
well, this is very nicely
Posted on Tue, 17 Jun 2014
well, this is very nicely done - compelling narrative, strong plot, no waffle - I look forward to the next part!
Read full commentPosted in The Man Who Couldn't Stay Dead. (Part 3)
I really like the repetition
Posted on Sun, 15 Jun 2014
I really like the repetition in this piece
Read full commentPosted in Look Out
‘I’ve got a few day,’ - just
Posted on Sat, 14 Jun 2014
‘I’ve got a few day,’ - just that one typo, which should be forgiven really, considering how wonderful all the rest is - thank you so much for part two! - now come back to England again soon for one of the readings. I will make the sandwiches...
Read full commentPosted in Unbounders Away 2
I haven't read/seen crashed,
Posted on Sat, 03 May 2014
I haven't read/seen crashed, but I enjoyed this piece very much. If I had one small suggestion, it might be that perhaps it needs a little narrative linking the passages together - maybe some more clues for the reader? I hope that helps - do post...
Read full commentPosted in Falling
Very much enjoyed this!
Posted on Sun, 27 Apr 2014
Very much enjoyed this!
Two small typos:
"Uncle Gunder, a renown physicist"
"Sunday’s just got more interesting. " (unless of course you actually mean only that one Sunday)
Read full commentPosted in The Broheim Men
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