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There's some wonderful
Posted on Sun, 06 Dec 2015
There's some wonderful imagery in this piece, although it needs a little edit as it is perhaps a bit repetitive in places - also some grammatical typos (eg don't/doesn't). Welcome to ABC!
Read full commentPosted in The Fallen one
very nicely written. I wonder
Posted on Thu, 03 Dec 2015
very nicely written. I wonder how many penis adorned desks there are in the country?
Read full commentPosted in the anatomically correct penis
beautifully done Tina. Have I
Posted on Wed, 25 Nov 2015
beautifully done Tina. Have I read this before?
Read full commentPosted in Seeing the Light
'Hitler drank tap water' -
Posted on Tue, 24 Nov 2015
'Hitler drank tap water' - brilliant line!
Read full commentPosted in Blood is thicker than water
I'm glad to hear she did
Posted on Thu, 19 Nov 2015
I'm glad to hear she did something about it in the end. This poem rings very true - all the sad excuses, always the same it seems. Heartbreaking last line.
Read full commentPosted in Happy families
Hello Darkpink and welcome to
Posted on Tue, 10 Nov 2015
Hello Darkpink and welcome to ABC. There's some fantastic imagery in this piece. It does need a good edit. Quite a few places where the words you've chosen don't seem to quite match what's needed. I'm not sure if you used a thesaurus perhaps?...
Read full commentPosted in Ice Heart
Superchap is a truly
Posted on Tue, 10 Nov 2015
Superchap is a truly wonderful name for a character, and I love the list of magazines - nice to see you back again pepsoid!
Read full commentPosted in Dr Procrastination
Hello Jason and welcome to
Posted on Mon, 02 Nov 2015
Hello Jason and welcome to ABC. There's some lovely imagery in this. A couple of suggestions: I don't think the repetition works very well - and 'dating furniture' - should be dated
Read full commentPosted in Perfectly in Place
an interesting storyline in
Posted on Wed, 28 Oct 2015
an interesting storyline in this piece Teddy. Might be worth expanding?
Read full commentPosted in Clarence Ramone
Hello L.C. and welcome to ABC
Posted on Wed, 28 Oct 2015
Hello L.C. and welcome to ABC. In answer to your question, this is engaging enough to make me want to read chapter two. A few typos and odd word choices here and there which, if you go through it again and correct (perhaps get a friend to read it...
Read full commentPosted in I don't know yet!
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