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‘I’ve got a few day,’ - just
Posted on Sat, 14 Jun 2014
‘I’ve got a few day,’ - just that one typo, which should be forgiven really, considering how wonderful all the rest is - thank you so much for part two! - now come back to England again soon for one of the readings. I will make the sandwiches...
Read full commentPosted in Unbounders Away 2
I haven't read/seen crashed,
Posted on Sat, 03 May 2014
I haven't read/seen crashed, but I enjoyed this piece very much. If I had one small suggestion, it might be that perhaps it needs a little narrative linking the passages together - maybe some more clues for the reader? I hope that helps - do post...
Read full commentPosted in Falling
Very much enjoyed this!
Posted on Sun, 27 Apr 2014
Very much enjoyed this!
Two small typos:
"Uncle Gunder, a renown physicist"
"Sunday’s just got more interesting. " (unless of course you actually mean only that one Sunday)
Read full commentPosted in The Broheim Men
this is looking better too!
Posted on Mon, 31 Mar 2014
this is looking better too! One more tip (and it's something I always do): in the dialogue, once I've written it, I always go back and make sure I've abbreviated things in the way one would if one were talking - I've, it's etc etc. It makes...
Read full commentPosted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Three
ha - made me laugh! I always
Posted on Sat, 05 Apr 2014
ha - made me laugh! I always wonder where you get your plots from...
Read full commentPosted in Larry and Mick Get Frozen
The dialogue in this part is
Posted on Thu, 03 Apr 2014
The dialogue in this part is much better! The only bit I found slightly hard to believe was here:
“Yes, it is not looking good but if there is one thing we can take from this it is that we seem to be heading for a planet that can...
Read full commentPosted in The Labour Planet A Working Title Part Four 1118 words
I'm still really enjoying
Posted on Mon, 31 Mar 2014
I'm still really enjoying this - and i see congratulations are in order for being pick of the day! I have one tiny suggestion for this part: the dialogue at the end, between the woman and the man is great - very authentic, but the conversation...
Read full commentPosted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Three
what a fantastic opening
Posted on Sat, 29 Mar 2014
what a fantastic opening chapter - I'm very much looking forward to reading the next part!
Read full commentPosted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - First Draft
Hello - this was very
Posted on Tue, 18 Mar 2014
Hello - this was very readable, it has a nice easy flow to it. It is quite slow moving though, and i think it could be improved with a good edit - maybe cut it down by a third or so? Welcome to ABC!
Read full commentPosted in All my creation - chapter 1
This is very well done. I
Posted on Mon, 17 Mar 2014
This is very well done. I like the use of repetition, and I think the ending is a good one. It would definitely be worth going through this again with your spellcheck: your English is fantastic, but there are some adjustments needed
Read full commentPosted in Lucky Number Seven
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