Winner Of The National Confession Award, 1990

 --Dere wus a war.  And I wus slam-bang in de middle of it.  Wartime is mad, ye know.  People get hurt.  I never bin at war before.  Not dat kind of action.  It’s not like in Commando.  Ye’d hope it would be like dat but de right folks don’t always get killt.  It’s madder dan dat.  People get hurt.  And ye don’t know who’s goin to get hurt.  It could be annyone, Fadder.

--True, lad, true.  Continue.

--Well...I’m sorry, Fadder...if ye give me a second, I hafta gather my thoughts.  It’s bin a long time since my last confession so I’m out of practice.

--And why is that?

--School’s very busy dese days, Fadder.  I’m in sixth class now, ye know.  Soon de secondary.  So it’s all go, ye know. 

--Well, at least you are here now to discuss the state of your soul.  I take it you’ll be making your confirmation soon.

--Yes, Fadder.  Dat’s why I’m here actually.  Me mudder told me I had to give confession before I make me confirmation.

--Well, isn’t your mother an intelligent woman.

--She is, Fadder.

--So what about this war then?

--Yes, Fadder.  It wus wit Mickey Cotter and Noel Clarke and Kevin Muckian.  Me and me friends, McGurk and Dixon, have had run-ins wit dem before but last week it got hairy.

--How so?

--Dey attacked us wit stones in de Polo Field.  We were ambushed.  Ye know whut dat is?

--I do.

--A sneak-attack.  Dey were up on de walls, de tree of dem, and dey took us by surprise.  Pelted us real bad, jumped down, and ran off.

--Well, it looks like Mickey Cotter and Noel Clarke and Kevin Muckian need to pay me and the Lord a visit also.

--I’d say so, Fadder.  And dey called us terrible words.

--What did they say? 

--Dey called McGurk a quee-uh.  And me and Dixon his loverboys.

--And you’re not loverboys, I take it?

--No, Fadder.  Shur we’re oweny young fellas.  We’re not ready fur love yet.

--Good good.  So what is it you wish to confess?

--Well, we went after dem.  It wus Dixon’s idea.  He can’t let annyting go.  And when we got to Mickey Cotter’s house, we found dey were all in his back garden. 

--Ah, retribution.

--Yes, Fadder.  Dat’s whut dey call it.  So we picked up a load a stones and climbed up on de wall of his garden.  It wus a second sneak-attack but dis time we were de ones sneakin and attackin.  Dixon trew de first stone.  He hit Cotter on de leg,.  And den: de war started.  Der were stones flyin left right and centre.  But, Fadder, dere were udder people in de garden too.  Not just Mickey Cotter and Noel Clarke and Kevin Muckian.  Dere were some little gerls in dere too playin about.  Mickey Cotter’s wee sister and her friends. 

--Civilians.

--Is dat whut dey call dem?

--In wartime, yes.  They are often the innocent victims of the war as it rages.

--Right, Fadder.  Annyway, I went to aim a stone at Noel Clarke as he wus de closest to me.  And he has a big head.  I thought he wus de best target fur me.  But when I fired me stone...well...he stepped away.  And Mickey Cotter’s wee sister wus standing behind him and de stone hit her in de face instead.  She started roarin and cryin.  And everyting stopped.  Cotter went to help his sister.  Dixon, McGurk and meself jumped off de wall and ran and ran as far away from dere as we could.  Dere were so many stones flying dat it wus hard fur annyone to make out who did it.  But I know who did it.  It wus me.  And I can still see Cotter’s wee sister’s face in me head...

--Collateral damage.

--Whut’s dat, fadder?

--The unforeseen consequences of military action.  It’s not pretty.

--No, it isn’t, Fadder.  I know dat well now. 

 --And you can see the errors likely in these warring ways, yes?

--I can, yes, Fadder.

--Good good. Ah, contrition is a thing of great beauty.  There is glory in its emergence.  It comes alive like a wildflower blossoming.  Repentance is birth, my boy.

--I never heard it put dat way. 

--You know, that might just be the finest confession I’ve ever heard, my boy.

--Yer pulling me leg, Fadder.

--I’m not.  And I’ve seen and heard enough to know.  They’ve confessed all sorts in here. 

--Like whut?

--Not for me to say.  Those are an individual’s private affairs with the Almighty. 

--And with you?

--Well...sort of.

--Ye must have some stories, Fadder.

--It’s God who has the stories, my boy.

--And He wouldn’t dob dem in, no? To de police?

--Well...no.

--Not even de worst of de worst of de worst crimes?

--Not even the worst.

--Whut if it wus Hitl-luh?

--Not even himself.

--God’s fairly easygoing.

--He is.  He certainly is.  I’ve always thought so.

--So is dere penance fur de sneak-attack, Fadder?

--Penance.  Indeed.  Say four Hail Marys and an Our Father.

--Four?  Dat’s all.

--That’s a lot of Hail Marys.  Would you like some more?

--Nah.  Four’ll do.  Dat’s grand. 

--I absolve thee from my thoughts.  Go.

--Tanks, Fadder.