Traditional Tales

Tales that are not nearly as wild and whacky as my usual output.


The Art Of Fishing (part two).

“Softly softly catchee monkey,” Charlie said, reeling in his catch a little way.

A Tale Of Two Islands

“They'm sweaty an' diseased on Unclean island,” said the wild eyed old woman to her squeaky clean grandson.

A Tall Man With Sticky-out Ears, A Gammy Leg And A Black Eye Carrying A Mannequin And A Rubber Plant (Part One)

“Thank you so much, young man,” the elderly woman said as they reached the stairway leading to the flats over the shops where she lived.

A Tall Man With Sticky-out Ears, A Gammy Leg And A Black Eye Carrying A Mannequin And A Rubber Plant (Part Two)

"This scenario is so improbable no one could possibly predict it unless they possess genuine psychic powers – even you'll grudgingly admit that."

Antoine And Ellie

A short, powerful looking white man in his late twenties sat on the park bench uncomfortably closely to Ellie.

Big Cat (Part One)

The first part of this story - the vision of the cat, is true, the rest is fiction.

Big Cat (Part Two)

What was I supposed to say to Laura? What would you have said if you found yourself in my position?

Blue Cat

From his lofty perch Blue cat looked impassively at the frenzied dog for a moment before making an apparently suicidal leap towards his murderous jaws.

Calling Old Blue Eyes (part one)

“Me kind superior to you kind every way,” the little tinpot general continued as he stepped forward and brashly poked me in the belly.

Calling Old Blue Eyes (part two)

“Uncover big news interesting for me like, drone?” the administrator snapped.

Chalk, Cheese, Angels And Demons

The only writing project I have ever composed in a single sitting. Enjoy!

Come Dancing

It's a tawdry thing we have going, I guess, but I wouldn't like Annie to know I said that. She's a bit, well, she's a bit delicate, a bit naive.

Cowboys And Injuns (Part One)

Douglas Thacker walked through the town centre on a Saturday afternoon in the full cowboy getup that he wore during the bulk of his free time. “

Cowboys And Injuns (Part Two)

Doug headed up the market and turned down a little side street that led to a couple of small leather factories, the Age Concern offices and his favourite pub, the Wagon and Horses.


A poor old dear, all alone in the world.

Ouija (Part One)

It was a warm day, and Will Ellis sat in the back room of the house he had moved into just a few weeks back with the French windows wide open.

Ouija (Part Two)

Will and Graham were stunned into silence, and they chose to stay exactly where they were, half in and half out of the doorway, at least until they sensed a movement behind them.

Rimsky-Korsakov (Part One)

It was the beginning of the main school holidays, and if the last couple of weeks' weather was anything to go by it was going to be a long, gloriously hot summer.

Rimsky-Korsakov (Part Three)

“Little pigs, little pigs, let me in! I want to rip off your skin with my teeth and wear it, because I seem to have mislaid my own."

Rimsky-Korsakov (Part Two)

“What's your name?” Knocker said, deadly serious. The glass moved to the 'W', then the 'A', the 'S' and finally the 'P'.

Rough Justice (Part One)

A dark, dark tale about the wages of sin.

Rough Justice (Part Two)

A dark, dark tale about the wages of sin.

Silly Buggers (Part One)

A drug-induced group hallucination, or a paranormal experience? You decide.

Silly Buggers (Part Two)

A drug-induced group hallucination, or a paranormal experience? You decide.

The Metamorphosis Of Kieran Jones

“Kieran!” Ethel yelled up the stairs. “Get up, you idle bugger, I ain't gonna call you again!"

The Writer's Muse

One way to beat writers' block.

The Art Of Fishing (part one).

This story is only vaguely about fishing, so please don't be put off!

Rancid Giblet

I was pondering a couple of childhood memories, and I amalgamated them into this ittle story.


The kid's final words were actually said by yours truly to my big sis when I was about the same age, but the rest is pure fiction.

Tinky Winky

"You 'ave a job you ought to be getting on with - for the time being, anyway....."

The Last Mile

Paul locked the front door, pushing his shoulder against it to make sure it was locked. He didn't know why, because he wasn't planning on coming back.

Healing (Part One)

I was travelling through a dark, seemingly endless tunnel when I wrote the first draft of this tale a couple of years back.....

Healing (Part Two)

I flung my first murder and the horrifying guilt that accompanied it into the deepest, darkest mental dungeon I could find.....

Healing (Part Three)

I guess my new job started turning sour when a staff member called Donna Cooke and I took a couple of residents to the pictures to see a Disney movie.

Healing (Part Four)

“Have you ever said that you intend to beat up a colleague?” he said, finally finding his confidence and getting into the swing of things.

Healing (Part Five)

A couple of weeks later I was called into the office for the second round of my interrogation.....

Healing (Part Six)

I suffered a further several months of ups and downs after my glorious rebirth before I started to obsess about wreaking revenge.

Healing (Part Seven)

I spoke to a few people in the know, and before long I had a whole new identity sorted out.

Healing (Part Eight)

I was still shaking a week later, not because I had committed another killing but because it was such a horrific one.

Pigs Might Fly (Part One)

Dave Daffy Dolloway owed his nickname to the Looney Tunes cartoon duck.

The Ordeal Of Porky Rind (Part One)

Mark was one of a number of overweight teenagers that attended Bridlington Science Academy, formerly Bridlington Comprehensive, and as far as he was concerned he was the most bullied.

The Ordeal Of Porky Rind (Part Two)

“How do you know that birds aren't psychic, fatty?”

Man-Weasel (Part One)

“What do you mean by 'man-weasel'?” Joan said to her flustered husband. “You're not making any sense, love."

Man-Weasel (Part Two)

A gigantic ferret like creature that whistled snippets of classical music took some believing, though, however reliable the source.....

Man-Weasel (Part Three)

“It was sitting on the bed, you say?” Lloyd said as he bathed the egg sized lump on the back of his wife's head.

Man-Weasel (Part Four)

"What if it chooses to stay?" she said. "Do you think the church will arrange a full scale exorcism then?"

Her Fragrance (Part One)

It was over a year since Sonia had walked out of Callum Franklin's life, and he was just starting to purge her out of his system.

Her Fragrance (Part Two)

The first thing he saw was Sonia's face rendered in plaster, but it wasn't only her face.

Fortunately And Unfortunately

Fortunately, but unfortunately, but.....

White Man's World

“I, constable Norman Phyllis Adolph Ryan, was proceeding in an easterly direction.....”