blackjack-davey
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Me and My Shadow
A friend, one of those tanned venture capitalists who today are running out of juicy dripping deals, suggest I write this all out. Tony works in...
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The Bamboo Forest Part 2
Once inside the fortress, Simon felt calmer but the acid confused him. Serge’s constant squeezes and froggy murmurs made him nervous but he no longer...
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- 744 reads
The Bamboo Forest Part 1
The holiday was a last ditch attempt at emotional salvage. Two bodies, who’d once abandoned themselves to each other now simply abandoned each other...
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Sock it to Me
One of those domestic miracles you do a wash and all those odd socks that have been knocking around for ages all find their partners after years of...
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Goulash
The van arrived at night, a dusty white transit with the exhaust held on by string and gaffer tape—announced its arrival with a bad tempered gasp of...
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typo in third stanza regnancy
Posted on Wed, 20 Jan 2016
typo in third stanza regnancy should be regency?
got great metrical fluidity but sometimes I think the need to rhyme (and I think of early dylan) can tangle meaning but that's only my opinion
'ere ever reaching puberty'... this is...
Read full commentPosted in Now and Then and Now Again...
Thanks for the feedback... I
Posted on Mon, 18 Jan 2016
Thanks for the feedback... I was pretty much abandoning this but your encouraging words make me think again-- I am toying with changing it from third to first person and maybe aiming for the YA market, the only way I can disguise my own...
Read full commentPosted in Highly Strung
interesting snapshot but I
Posted on Mon, 18 Jan 2016
interesting snapshot but I would remove quite a few of the adjectives and descriptive phrases. The verbs are al active and exciting but if you look at the italicized examples below some words do the same thing
"His gaze falls to...
Read full commentPosted in Blue tarpaulin
Posted on Wed, 16 Dec 2015
'the bounce of spring...' just what the depressive hates. This comes from a strange, still zone and has a clear fabular quality. Intrigued about what the snowflake represents and how you might develop the drama-- I like the stillness of the piece...
Read full commentPosted in The Snowflake Collector – 8: It Was, in Every Imaginable Sense, a Disaster
great insight into mother son
Posted on Mon, 14 Dec 2015
great insight into mother son relationship, subtly done and the mum without bitterness... initially it might be a poem to a lover
son conveyed well with his monster appetities and perhaps a genetic predisposition for being on his own-- are...
Read full commentPosted in One Man and his Dog
life is led in the little
Posted on Mon, 07 Dec 2015
life is led in the little asides-- the pauses that we don't have time to take
I can imagine this car journey at night through all the ancient cathedrals, Brou, Chartres and the epiphany it is only bearable in brief flashes
the heart...
Read full commentPosted in Guarding
what a snapshot!
Posted on Sat, 21 Nov 2015
what a snapshot!
the gropers officially tolerated, Charlie, what about rope soap? my aunt used to wear about fifteen in the bath for extra buoyancy
the sense of drizzle, wet earth and estuaries, feels like there should be a body in...
Read full commentPosted in Light in the Dark Age
gripping and concise, got
Posted on Wed, 11 Nov 2015
gripping and concise, got mixed muddled sympathies... i like the jump in time between the shut door and the door years later where she is still living/ hiding/ boozing behind
voddies melting days into weeks, alcoholic time travel...
Read full commentPosted in oot ma heed.
Welcome to ABC tales, Tiny...
Posted on Wed, 28 Oct 2015
Welcome to ABC tales, Tiny... this has plenty of menace... an abrupt swerve from delusion to reality. Looks like a lot of horror fans and ghouls are assembling for All Hallows Eve
Read full commentPosted in A Hallowed Evening
'Torture porn' is the slang
Posted on Tue, 27 Oct 2015
'Torture porn' is the slang term for horror movies likes Elias Roth's Hostel where a group of students are, well, tortured and that is the movie's focus. I suppose your story's focus is the torture and the redemptive quality, the narrator's guilt...
Read full commentPosted in Penance
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