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202 of my comments have received 219 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

Hey Dauntlesscake, I like

Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014

Hey Dauntlesscake, I like this piece of writing.  Comes across as genuine and from first hand.  There are quite a few typos that a good edit should sort out, I copied a couple of them below for your scrutiny.

 

"They (the) blood...

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Posted in Chapter One

1 Vote

Provides an affecting

Posted on Thu, 08 May 2014

Provides an affecting vignette.  Needs a little edit to make it really shine but lots of discrete parts are really good.  I love the child's dialogue and the clandestine observation that comes at the end.  Well done.

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Posted in Small Secrets

1 Vote

Tough stuff mandy.  Well done

Posted on Thu, 08 May 2014

Tough stuff mandy.  Well done.  Fabulous first sentence by the way.

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Posted in Pitch Black

1 Vote

A really excellent piece of

Posted on Wed, 07 May 2014

A really excellent piece of writing.  The ship's world and the relationships of the characters are established right from the outset, I think that this is really accomplished.  I don't like the omniscience of the seventh last paragraph but that...

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Posted in William's Powder Keg

1 Vote

Really excellent.  Short,

Posted on Sun, 06 Apr 2014

Really excellent.  Short, pithy and encapsulates some of the universal truths of love's fallen hope.  Well done.

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Posted in Dining with you

1 Vote

Absolutely made me laugh not

Posted on Mon, 03 Mar 2014

Absolutely made me laugh not just smile.  I agree with the above comment concerning the comma.  Excellent stuff.

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Posted in The Golden Spoon Award

1 Vote

Could really picture the

Posted on Fri, 21 Feb 2014

Could really picture the sword fighting drills scene.  Well done.

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Posted in Tales of Ancient Rome: Salidia and Lydia Chapter 6

1 Vote

Glad that you didn't get too

Posted on Thu, 20 Feb 2014

Glad that you didn't get too explicit with the torture scene, omission heightens the effect.

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Posted in Tales of Ancient Rome: Salidia and Lydia Chapter 4

1 Vote

Surprised that this poem hasn

Posted on Fri, 21 Feb 2014

Surprised that this poem hasn't garnered a few more comments David, I really like it.  Written with a simplicity that augments it and that in itself is a mark of quality.  This is the first of yours that I have read (I think) but it won't be the...

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Posted in Listen

1 Vote

Another good episode.  A typo

Posted on Thu, 20 Feb 2014

Another good episode.  A typo to consider:

"and then the guy just feel (fell) down".

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Posted in Tales of Ancient Rome: Salidia and Lydia Chapter 2

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