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197 of my comments have received 214 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

Deep stuff on show here Sari.

Posted on Tue, 13 May 2014

Deep stuff on show here Sari.  Nice poem, well done and welcome back to ABCtales!

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Posted in The warrior of dreams come true

1 Vote

I like this piece Taris and

Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014

I like this piece Taris and it is one that many would do well to heed.  'Live in the moment and reduce your death bed regrets list'.  Excellent writing, well done

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Posted in Appreciate Them

1 Vote

Consider this sentence

Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014

Consider this sentence William;

"You should’ve taken the car to Larry’s garage for a tune-up before we left"

and now this one;

"You should’ve taken the car to Larry’s for a tune-up before we left"

Can...

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Posted in Roadside Assistance

1 Vote

Mixing past a present tenses

Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014

Mixing past a present tenses as here "I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. My hair is a mess." Is something to watch out for, it can really put your readers off Dauntless.  Keep going with this, there is a lot to say...

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Posted in Chapter Two

1 Vote

I look forward to reading it

Posted on Mon, 12 May 2014

I look forward to reading it Michael.  Welcome to ABCtales.

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Posted in The Better One

1 Vote

Yep, I agree with Terrence.

Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014

Yep, I agree with Terrence.  It puts you there in the Wriggleys and the smoke.  Watch the rogue 'of' (off) in the fourth last line.  The passage about the girls figure seemed like it could be a little smoother maybe? Instead of "Hers looked...

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Posted in The Walthamstow Bird

1 Vote

Very good poem.  I thought

Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014

Very good poem.  I thought there was the risk of sentimentality but no, sharp edged and transporting words.  A heartfelt and brave write.  Well done.

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Posted in The Wedding Dress (for mother's day)

1 Vote

Hey Dauntlesscake, I like

Posted on Sun, 11 May 2014

Hey Dauntlesscake, I like this piece of writing.  Comes across as genuine and from first hand.  There are quite a few typos that a good edit should sort out, I copied a couple of them below for your scrutiny.

 

"They (the) blood...

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Posted in Chapter One

1 Vote

Provides an affecting

Posted on Thu, 08 May 2014

Provides an affecting vignette.  Needs a little edit to make it really shine but lots of discrete parts are really good.  I love the child's dialogue and the clandestine observation that comes at the end.  Well done.

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Posted in Small Secrets

1 Vote

Tough stuff mandy.  Well done

Posted on Thu, 08 May 2014

Tough stuff mandy.  Well done.  Fabulous first sentence by the way.

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Posted in Pitch Black

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