Short stories

Stories with a twist. (mostly)

It might have been the mince pies

It might have been the mince pies

A cup of tea

A cup of tea

A day in the Lake district

A day in the Lake District

A letter from Miranda

Hello I thought I’d try and explain my life in this place to you. The work itself is very strange and seemingly without purpose.

A swirl in the water.(epilogue to 'The stairlift')

How on earth are you supposed to greet a mermaid when you’re introduced?

A tangled tale

Harold Smith stood at the open door of his aircraft looking down from an altitude of ten thousand feet at the scene spread out below him.

A Western tale

The sheriff of Carson City leaned on the hitching rail of his jail looking out over the town. He took a last satisfied drag on his roll-up before spitting it onto the ground below him.

A Xmas story

Santa was driving slowly towards the airworthiness test centre.

Albert's luckiest day

Albert’s luckiest day

Alex goes to school

Alex was getting very excited. He was going to go to proper school with a uniform and everything when the next term started. He only had one worry; he was going to have to learn arithmetic.

An alphabet story from the alternate world

Abigail began constructing daft efforts for generating humorous ideas. Jennifer knew lots more now obviously poor quality really silly twiddles, unleashed various wild xenogenic young zebras.


Once upon a time many years ago, two buses an hour would stop in my parents village.

Call Centres I P

Last night I was in the Newt and Ferret having a quiet pint, when some idiot must have mentioned a problem he’d had using a call centre.


My creative writing teacher said never use cliches in your work. This is the result

Computer dating

Computer dating

The tunnel

John was running away from Billy as fast as he could. Billy was a year older and had given him a good start and promised him a sweet if he could reach the London windows first.

Observations from a cafe window

Observations from a café window

The walk

The Walk

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf

Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? Roger was a wolf. His mother had told him that he was a big bad wolf, so that if he wanted to eat he had to catch the creatures that lived in the forest.

I love you too dear

I love you too dear “Hey get me the thingy” “All right but which particular thingy do you want?” “Well I’m digging the garden aren’t I, so bring me the digging one!”

The gathering storm

The yacht would have been instantly recognisable to anyone alive before the First World War.

Gone fishing

At the age of twenty five Elizabeth was beginning to feel that marriage might have passed her by.


My name is Fred Warren and I’m ninety-seven years old. People tell me that they wouldn’t think so to look at me, but I really am that age.

How many workmen does it take to repair an electric cable

My friend Mary lives in a flat on South Bank which is a fairly steep road behind Surbiton station.

The saga of a new electric fire

Mary feels the cold and had a two bar electric fire for a mere fifty years. Then it went wrong!

My DAT scan

D.A.T is a scanning method that helps differentiate between Parkinson’s disease and Essential Tremor.

The wrong mark

“No Rupert,” exclaimed Lady Constance, the back of one hand on her brow, while she made fending off gestures with the other; “I would not marry you even if you were the last man on earth!”

The wrong mark. Part 2

Forensics had arrived only shortly after DI Jenkins before them and made nearly as much noise.

Elderberry wine

A lone figure staggered through the kind of darkness found only on moonless nights in the remote countryside.

The wrong mark. Part 3

The two policemen met just before lunchtime the next day in the local police station.

The wrong mark. Part 4

Once more in the pub that evening, the pathologist joined The Inspector and his sergeant and the three police men went over their findings.

Observations on behaviour in a supermarket

What could be simpler than going to your local supermarket, wandering round and choosing your requirements from a list written out in the peace and quiet of your own home?
Gold cherry

Marooned Part1

The rats had been born and bred in laboratory conditions. They had learned to find their way through mazes and get their food by operating various cunningly designed boxes.

Marooned part2

However the surprises hadn’t finished yet. Some days later Jim saw something was going on in the tallest bush that grew in the middle of the roundabout.

The rats return part2

3 days later the circus was one hundred miles nearer the French coast and had set up at a new site.

Success part2

Old Jim heard the traffic noise stop just as he was getting out of bed.

Sir George goes home part1

Prologue This is the full story about Sir George that the owner of Alfredo’s circus was relating to some of his men, when George the rat turned up in the story ‘Marooned.’

Sir George goes home part 2

Alfredo reached the police car just as the driver got out. "Can I help you?" he asked.

Sir George goes home part 3

George told her his story, how he had accidentally come through a disused gate from the other world just as Abigail closed it for ever and as a result had found himself in Spain.

Sir George goes home part 4

The sailing season was over, holidays had finished and Jennifer Jane was back at school. Everything at home had settled into the normal routine.


Since my retirement I’ve taken to going to my local pub where I have met several other people of similar age and abilities.

Mankind's last gasp

In the year 3000 the computers decided that the inhabitants of the planet Sol 3 were now ready for the next step forward in their evolution.

The box

It was a simple plastic box only six inches square on each side. An old man was holding it in one hand as he spoke to his eldest grandchild.

The parrot

It’s been a good few years now since I left the army, but I’ll never forget that parrot!

The pace of technology part 1

I think the final breakthrough in the advance of technology came with the Internet. From that point on everything speeded up at a visibly increasing rate.

The pace of technology part 2

Every house now had a portal that was soon developed into a manually operated cabinet.

Shortest story

"My God I'm pregnant! Who done it"

Shortest story No 2

Boy scouts, Girl guides

Johnny's a big boy now

I'm trying to introduce the fake suspense that the TV puts into some programmes. Usually the phrase is 'but there's a problem'

Lord Fauntleroy is missing Part 2

Arthur had forgotten about the small debt when he returned from his holiday. He’d had a wonderful time and all his worries had evaporated.

Lord Fauntleroy is missing Part 3

When he recovered, Arthur realised he had only one chance left to escape from this ridiculous nightmare. Traditionally he was entitled to make one ‘phone call.

The Vicar

When the vicar was born in the West Indies, he had a white birth mark on the front of his throat. Some bright spark said “he looks like a vicar!” and the nickname stuck.

Living rough

There’s nothing I like better than a fresh bit of chicken, or maybe a new laid egg or two. When you live out of doors as I do, neither are so easy to come by.

The last routine

Rene was steering the old converted fishing smack ‘The straw hat’ into the harbour. Rob was rushing about doing the heavy sailorly work as the boat ran into calmer waters.

The end of the Clergy

The vicar had been born in the West Indies, but his mother died six months before the family emigrated to England. The vicar was only a nickname but it had stayed with him throughout his life.

How to say goodbye to a stranger

The sheriff of Carson City leaned on the hitching rail of his jail looking out over the town. He took a last satisfied drag on his roll-up before spitting it onto the ground below him.

The Barn, sequel to 'How to say goodbye to a stranger'

“I guess we’d better introduce ourselves,” said the Sheriff. “My name’s Jeff, what do I call you?” “Jake” replied the stranger laconically.

The dog

A beautiful collie dog eat fat great hedgehogs, just killing lots more non objectionable pests quite rapidly, so terribly unlikely vermin were xenophobically yearly zapped.

Na tebahpla yrots

Zachariah Yentob Xerxes was very unhappy. Two sisters ran queer pubs out near Manchester. Local kids joined in having gullible friends every day charging bother all.

The pace of technology part 3

For many years astronomers had been looking at other nearby star systems to try and detect planets.

The Tower

When Thomas was a little boy his parents always took him to the seaside on their holidays. When he was three years old he realised that they always stayed in the same place.

The Prophecy

My father was a keen photographer and I sometimes used to take him around the countryside looking for places of interest for his pictures. I particularly remember driving round Warwick one day.

The man oo saved ve Erf

Arfer Smiff was a third generation scrap metal dealer. At the beginning of the 21st century he began to make a lot of money selling scrap to the Chinese.

The three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. Alright I know you’ve probably heard a three little pigs story before but this one is different. Really!

Observations on bus travel

Strangely there are people who seem to wait at bus stops, usually one of the wider amongst us and pulling a trolley, when to their absolute amazement a bus pulls up.

The stairlift

“Do you believe in mermaids?” asked Don. I was too surprised at the question to say anything at first. Don’s eyes had a dreamy look as he went on without waiting for an answer.

The Wooden Bells 1/2

“Why do I always have to do all the cleaning?” asked Jack.

The Wooden Bells 2/2 (The Trading Post)

The whole family arrived in the wood an hour after breakfast. There was the stump as promised, but now it had three bells on its surface.

Rural ghosts

“Have you ever met a ghost?” I asked Don on the occasion of one of my weekly evening visits.

The ghostly Invasion

The ghosts were first seen early in the year 2200.

Viagra and the bins

I was round at my friend Don’s for my weekly visit. We’d drunk our tea and chatted about the generalities of the week already.

Jack in the box

Me and my mates were a pretty ineffectual gang if you really stop and think abut it.

The squirrel

One morning last week I was woken up by a squirrel jumping onto the outside window ledge of my bedroom. I told it to go away in no uncertain terms...