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76 of my comments have received 77 Great Feedback votes
Really liked this.
Posted on Thu, 13 Jul 2017
You might want to think about the "I"'s lining the page like telegraph poles. It often happens with a first person narrator, I've done it myself. Once it's pointed out you always see it.
Utterly, utterly believable. I hope it's fiction,...Read full comment
Posted in What happens near Rome
This is really good.
Posted on Fri, 30 Jun 2017
The voice as has been mentioned is really good. I like how much subtext there is. How much we're left to fill in for ourselves about your narrator.
A couple of tiny things. Plural of taxi is taxis, there is an archaic form taxies, but it's...
Posted in Earth. Live. Neutral.
Posted on Sat, 27 May 2017
I tell you how much I like this? There is satire, menace, allegory, myth and fable, also some tight writing anyone would be proud to have written. It takes genuine talent to get all that stuff in a piece of writing without bashing people over the...Read full comment
Posted in Boatman's dream 22
Posted on Wed, 03 May 2017
and how I write (I know, we're all different) I'd keep banging these out and then edit when you've completed a narrative (arc or spiral, who cares?) This is all sufficiently intriguing for me to persevere. If Tim needs to go, get rid of him later...Read full comment
Posted in Boatman's dream 10
Posted on Thu, 07 Jul 2016
agree with Jack that the ending seems a little rushed. I'm not sure I want to see (much) more backstory or a substantially longer piece, though. Have you thought about making the story arc more circular... start from just before where it...Read full comment
Posted in Flowers (Part Two of Two) (IP)