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Some of the imagery in this
Posted on Sat, 23 Dec 2017
Some of the imagery in this is very effective, and the poem as a whole seems to come alive, in fact, when the river arrives 'buzzing, puffing, scuffing'. The dry humour (oh, that's a daft thing to say in this context, but I can't think of a...
Read full commentPosted in Adaptibility
You capture the wonderful
Posted on Tue, 19 Dec 2017
You capture the wonderful strangeness of a peacock very well. Their beauty has an almost alien quality to it, if you are standing looking at them, and they are standing looking back. This brought back memories of being with my children when...
Read full commentPosted in Amazing ‘eyes’ that hypnotize
The thing I love about this,
Posted on Fri, 24 Nov 2017
The thing I love about this, and liked so much about the previous part, is the way you show people apparently quietly getting on with life, making the best, as they say, but underneath there is so much emotion and so much tremulous hope. Less is...
Read full commentPosted in Degrees of Separation
Very moving.
Posted on Sat, 25 Nov 2017
Beautifully written. Makes you feel so much for the child then and the child who still remains.
Read full commentPosted in School (Automatic poem)
Beautifully written, and hard
Posted on Wed, 22 Nov 2017
Beautifully written, and hard to read. Many readers will share the child's experiences, but there will also be parents who are painfully aware that their cihldren must have heard things they should not. An excellent piece, Poppy.
Read full commentPosted in The Stairs
Great to see this developing.
Posted on Thu, 02 Nov 2017
Great to see this developing. There is a lot of exposition in this part, and for me following drafts could do with breaking it up a bit. But that's for later. Keep going!
Read full commentPosted in The Eden Sky - 3 - An Auspicious Day
Some great ideas in here - I
Posted on Wed, 01 Nov 2017
Some great ideas in here - I was going to wiffle on about a bit of proof reading, then realised you're doing it for Nanowrimo so you won't have time for any of that at the moment! Hope it continues to go well.
Read full commentPosted in The Eden Sky - Part 2 - Old Friends
Very sorry for your loss, and
Posted on Wed, 18 Oct 2017
Very sorry for your loss, and hope that you have many happy memories for this special day.
Read full commentPosted in The Big 7-0
Really interesting the way
Posted on Thu, 12 Oct 2017
Really interesting the way this deals with memory and recall. The bit where the mother insists that there were always birthday parties, flatly contradicting the memory, and causing the narrator to doubt it. I like the way things aren't neatly...
Read full commentPosted in Yellow Ribbons
Yes, the words whip around
Posted on Mon, 09 Oct 2017
Yes, the words whip around you like that fresh, blustery wind. Lovely work.
Read full commentPosted in Nordy Bank Fort 5/10/17
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