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StoryPap With Amanda Baker Street71 year 1 month ago
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295 of my comments have received 302 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

The strands all coming

Posted on Mon, 28 Mar 2016

The strands all coming together and it is still well controlled - the reader feels confident that you have command of the plot! (Not always the case with thrillers).  Marc has a real depth of character - I like the way you present the loving...

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Posted in EBOLOWA 34

1 Vote

The opening paragraphs of

Posted on Thu, 08 Oct 2015

The opening paragraphs of this chapter are absolutely splendid writing.  For me, Marc is the most vivid of all the characters.  The bit about the hip being a pestle and mortar is particularly striking.

Also another development in this...

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Posted in EBOLOWA 22

1 Vote

Hi

Posted on Wed, 12 Aug 2015

Hi

I'm rattling through this - enjoying very much.  The details you have put in to evoke the period are very effective.  I was very struck in a previous chapter how you caught the murk and grime of seventies Britain, and the feel you have...

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Posted in EBOLOWA 15

1 Vote

One of the things I really

Posted on Wed, 27 Apr 2016

One of the things I really like about this story is the way you anchor it with precise detail and description - lots of day to day stuff that gives the people and the place solidity and believability,  so important when your plot centres on the...

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Posted in Switchback. Ch14 pt2

1 Vote

It is difficult to read,

Posted on Wed, 20 Apr 2016

It is difficult to read, particularly on a screen.  The words themselves provide the cumulative effect you seem to be aiming for, powerfully building to the denoument.  I don't think you need this particular formatting. 

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Posted in WW1 ghosts

1 Vote

 You have not put this piece

Posted on Tue, 19 Apr 2016

 You have not put this piece as fiction so I am assuming it is at least partly personal experience.  It must have been very difficult to write.   You've captured the heightened emotion of such an occasion, the artificiality and sometimes surreal...

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Posted in A Fathers Secret

1 Vote

I'm not a fan of the Family,

Posted on Mon, 18 Apr 2016

I'm not a fan of the Family, but I felt for her son, posing for 'that' picture.  Choosing between the symbolism of doing it and the symbolism of not.  Whatever the perks, I wouldn't fancy life as a signifier.

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Posted in A Life in Tabloid Pictures

1 Vote

Interesting idea with lots of

Posted on Sun, 17 Apr 2016

Interesting idea with lots of detail -  is ths part of something longer or are you thinking of expanding it?  Lazlo sounds like a character with lots of potential for development before his sad demise.  Or was it his demise?  I think there were...

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Posted in A Trip to Edinburgh

1 Vote

Particularly liked the

Posted on Wed, 13 Apr 2016

Particularly liked the portrayal of the relationship between George and Mary - very moving.  I find the way you are introducing the characters very interesting - they appear, with their own stories, as needed by the plot.  You haven't followed...

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Posted in Switchback. Ch9

1 Vote

I like the way the poem's

Posted on Wed, 13 Apr 2016

I like the way the poem's structure emphasises the ambivalence, the simultaneous need for and fear of dependence.  The poem also makes you wonder about the dynamics of the relationship, and what the 'other half' thinks about it.  A good read. ...

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Posted in Some False Sense Of Security

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