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Got interrupted when making
Posted on Sat, 13 Jun 2015
Got interrupted when making my last comment...meant also to say that I really liked the way you joined up the idea of sacrifice, from both sides and for the same purposes, at the end. Cracking last line, raising some good questions and making...
Read full commentPosted in Corporal Larnach’s Report 01 February 1833
A real mixture of SF, myth
Posted on Fri, 12 Jun 2015
A real mixture of SF, myth and fantasy. Every chapter is bringing a new surprise, just when you think you're gettng a handle on it. Enjoying this more as it goes on!
Read full commentPosted in Chapter Seven Conquest of Chimera
Increasingly intriguing...
Posted on Wed, 10 Jun 2015
Increasingly intriguing...
Read full commentPosted in Chapter Five Conquest of Chimera
Really hitting your stride
Posted on Wed, 10 Jun 2015
Really hitting your stride with this now. The writing feels a lot more comfortable and the ideas are opening up.
Read full commentPosted in Chapter Four Conquest of Chimera
Another dimension added, with
Posted on Sat, 13 Jun 2015
Another dimension added, with the threat to the survival of the tribe. I like the way your narrator's certainties have shifted over the course of the story and the situation has become more complex.
Read full commentPosted in Corporal Larnach’s Report 01 February 1833
I really liked this. I
Posted on Sun, 07 Jun 2015
I really liked this. I thought the second stanza, especially the line 'It's the endpoint of a tributary leading back to a leg', was particularly effective. Sad and evocative piece.
Read full commentPosted in Unsolved Grenade Attacks
You've put a lot of work into
Posted on Mon, 01 Jun 2015
You've put a lot of work into this and I am looking forward to seeing the next chapter. At the moment I'm not sure about some of the contrasts in tone - when Kian is speaking it veers between quite high flown and slang, and while in some parts...
Read full commentPosted in Chapter Two Conquest of Chimera
Good set up for the rest of
Posted on Mon, 01 Jun 2015
Good set up for the rest of your story. There are some lovely touches - I particularly liked the description of the baby 'paralysed by love', and your detailed description of Kian's surroundings when he awakes gives the situation its own reality...
Read full commentPosted in Conquest of Chimera
I really didn't want these
Posted on Sun, 24 May 2015
I really didn't want these three pieces to end, not because I was expecting answers, but because of the quality of the writing and the mystery of the world you have created. The first part was almost too painful to read, with its tormented...
Read full commentPosted in Passing Through - 3/3 - Passing time with no time
You do have a great ability
Posted on Wed, 13 May 2015
You do have a great ability to get inside different heads. Yet again a strong visual sense to this piece, and I really like the insomniac city. I think your previous two segments spoke more strongly to me personally, but that is the beauty of...
Read full commentPosted in A Morning in the Life of Many Ordinary People
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