Sooz006
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The Book: chapter 49
The choking stench of burned plastic and scorched wood clung to the hairs at the back of his throat, suffocating him despite the breathing apparatus...
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The Book: Chapter 48
The morning sun shone, gilding the kitchen with the illusion of peace and the promise of finality. The lights hummed, casting golden halos over the...
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The Book Chapter 47
The book had been silent for too long. It refused to give them anything. Alice and Mick had left the courthouse in a haze of failure. The second task...
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The Book: Chapter 46
They didn’t have time to breathe. The soil settled over Tristan’s remains, and the book snapped open. Fresh ink oozed across the page in strong,...
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The Book Chapter 45
The room around Alice was silent. The air mauled her with unseen hands, pressing against her like the weight of history curling at the edges of her...
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Odd use of capitalisation. I
Posted on Sun, 02 Mar 2014
Odd use of capitalisation. I'm not sure if this is done intentionally, but I'd be tempted to re-look at it and go for proper usage.
I like the wierd stiltedness of this, it reads a like an old Chinese proverb and that makes it...
Read full commentPosted in Man, Woman and Bird
Slowly begins to reflect and
Posted on Sun, 26 Jan 2014
Slowly begins to reflect and refract amid a golden hue;... I think the word begins here, weakens the piece, up to this point it's strong and assertive while being poignant and beautiful, just that one little word made it feel weaker than it had...
Read full commentPosted in The Deer.
Of course the other chap had
Posted on Sun, 26 Jan 2014
Of course the other chap had to be vaporised, but you've got to make sacrifices.... cute! I like this.
And whenever he is asked if he has any regrets, he will say, "It's a bit draughty on the moon."...Nice.
...
Read full commentPosted in It's a Bit Draughty on the Moon
eyes that scream whilehis
Posted on Sat, 25 Jan 2014
eyes that scream whilehis mouth devours... space
This is his huge stabbed throne!
Read full commentWhere screaming Saturnus and the shining stars do live.
This--- he calls his home... I like this, I think it sets the atmosphere for...
Posted in saturnius
Luigi this is gorgeous. This
Posted on Tue, 10 Dec 2013
Luigi this is gorgeous. This isn't words it's a painting.
Read full commentPosted in From Out a Window (I.P.)
And why shouldn't they? A
Posted on Fri, 03 May 2013
And why shouldn't they? A lovely well thought out poem, nicely written.Read full commentPosted in Pigs might...
Will I fight against that
Posted on Tue, 17 Jul 2012
Will I fight against that leopard or would I chicken out?”... you've changed tenses here, I'd go with either would would, or will will. fear s and for sure, not even a leopard!... fears? The wonders of nature eh? This is an uplifting story about...Read full commentPosted in Ordeal or opportunity?
No! No! No!!! You really,
Posted on Wed, 01 Feb 2012
No! No! No!!! You really, really, really don't need exclamation marks in prose. If you do use them they should only ever be used in extreme circumstances. Unless you are purposefully using a child's voice but then you have to make it clear to the...Read full commentPosted in It’s Gonna Be Me, Not You!
Aw that's really sweet,
Posted on Thu, 28 Jun 2012
Aw that's really sweet, lovely ending. Do you know what the first few stanzas of this reminded me of? escaped baby iguanas. And I've chased my share of them. They are like lightning.. This was lovely and next time I see a balloon floating around...Read full commentPosted in The Runaway Heart (Redrafted)
I like this, I especially
Posted on Sun, 20 Jan 2008
I like this, I especially like the phrase 'weaving trees' I hope oyu idn't mean weaving through the trees, because for me that would spoil the lovely image of somebody weaving a tree.Read full commentPosted in Cicada
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