I'd change the structure. So you have verses of 5, 3, 3, 5. The first 2 verses I'd leave. 'a soubrette I had met' can go and the third line, 'a dancer from the Moulin Rouge'....
Oh yes, me too. I love the unexpected use of flowers. I particularly like, 'She had a lilac core' and the final 2 lines, because the admiration comes across in a completely unsentimental way. Steadfast.
I agree. Like the movement
Posted on Thu, 14 Nov 2019
I agree. Like the movement between the images and also the final two lines.
A couple of things. I can't see how a 'car slams shut'. 'a car door slams, shut, cocoons...'
What's 'bouguet'? Do you mean bouquet?
Read full commentPosted in layers
I love the setting.
Posted on Tue, 12 Nov 2019
I love the setting.
Just an opinion.
I'd change the structure. So you have verses of 5, 3, 3, 5. The first 2 verses I'd leave. 'a soubrette I had met' can go and the third line, 'a dancer from the Moulin Rouge'....
Read full commentPosted in Godot
Oh yes, me too. I love the
Posted on Tue, 05 Nov 2019
Oh yes, me too. I love the unexpected use of flowers. I particularly like, 'She had a lilac core' and the final 2 lines, because the admiration comes across in a completely unsentimental way. Steadfast.
Read full commentPosted in The Language of Dead Flowers
I enjoyed this. The opening
Posted on Sat, 02 Nov 2019
I enjoyed this. The opening line is wonderful. Am I being thick? Are there two Severn Bridges?
Read full commentPosted in Travelling down the Wye Valley 28/10/19
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