drew_gummerson
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Seven Nights At The Flamingo Hotel. (Wednesday morning. FAME!)
It is 515. The digits click. The alarm whines and after a moment the radio kicks in. The day is going to be blustery with some showers. A small child...
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Seven Nights at the Flamingo Hotel (Wednesday morning. Before you awake. This is what you think about when you think about love.)
But this is what you think about when you think about love. Antonio Visconti, hair slicked back like Al Pacino in The Godfather Part II , a mother...
Seven Nights at the Flamingo Hotel. (Tuesday evening. Entente Cordiale.)
The person in charge of the ballerinas is a tiny old woman. She sees you watching and she comes over and tells you her name which is something...
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Seven Nights at the Flamingo Hotel (Tuesday lunchtime. This Sporting Life.)
You cannot wait to finish work. You have never had any interest in basketball but you, like many of your kind, have often dreamed of becoming a...
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Seven Nights At The Hotel Flamingo (Tuesday Morning, the Deadeye Dave, Deer and Ballerina Problem)
It is 515. The digits click. The alarm whines for thirty seconds and the radio kicks in. Today a deer has been found dead in someone’s back garden...
I love the setting.
Posted on Tue, 12 Nov 2019
I love the setting.
Just an opinion.
I'd change the structure. So you have verses of 5, 3, 3, 5. The first 2 verses I'd leave. 'a soubrette I had met' can go and the third line, 'a dancer from the Moulin Rouge'....
Read full commentPosted in Godot
Yes, I like this a lot. But I
Posted on Sat, 09 Nov 2019
Yes, I like this a lot. But I don't know that the words 'grudgingly' and 'innocently' fit. Because then it's an opinion of what you see and not what you see. But that's just my opinion. WCW is an imagist? Right?
Read full commentPosted in By Lendal Bridge
Paragraph 3 you start, One
Posted on Fri, 08 Nov 2019
Paragraph 3 you start, One day.... The next section starts, 'On one occasion...'
Section 16 starts 'One day...'
Later on you've got, 'One evening after school.'
I'd make the time references more specific,...
Read full commentPosted in Lost Dog 15-17
I like the contrast between
Posted on Thu, 07 Nov 2019
I like the contrast between civilisation and nature, and it's all from the boy's POV so he can describe but doesn't know what's going on. We do.
Read full commentThe last line I don't think you need. You've shown perfectly well it's a nightmare so...
Posted in Lost Dog 11-14
Still enjoying this. There's
Posted on Thu, 07 Nov 2019
Still enjoying this. There's a growing tension to it.
It reminds me somewhat of David Vann's Legend of a Suicide- another father and son story in the wilderness.
Read full commentPosted in Lost Dog 7-10
Thanks to Mark Burrow for the
Posted on Thu, 07 Nov 2019
Thanks to Mark Burrow for the sock scene.
IHHHO (in his honest humble opinion) there isn't enough wanking into socks in literature. Together we can address this imbalance.
Read full commentPosted in Seven Nights at the Flamingo Hotel. (Tuesday evening. Entente Cordiale.)
Good too. I want to know
Posted on Wed, 06 Nov 2019
Good too. I want to know where it's going.
Read full commentPosted in Lost Dog 4-6
I enjoyed this too.
Posted on Wed, 06 Nov 2019
I enjoyed this too.
I love how it starts straight in on the action and not too much is explained.
Read full commentPosted in Lost Dog 1-3
There were some startling
Posted on Sun, 07 Jul 2019
There were some startling images in this one, the figure falling from the tower block, the kids hunting for rats. And the mum was a sad figure.
Read full commentPosted in All Architects Are Called Zach (Part 2, words, 1,756)
Oh yes, me too. I love the
Posted on Tue, 05 Nov 2019
Oh yes, me too. I love the unexpected use of flowers. I particularly like, 'She had a lilac core' and the final 2 lines, because the admiration comes across in a completely unsentimental way. Steadfast.
Read full commentPosted in The Language of Dead Flowers
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