drew_gummerson
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Travis's Tours
Travis's Tours !supportEmptyParas]> Four days have passed, one after another, like lettuce leaves being scraped against a grater. If what I feel...
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- 1551 reads
Penguin Ending
Penguin Ending !supportEmptyParas]> !supportEmptyParas]> It is the last day of the holiday and I wake with a start. Above my head the roof...
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- 2377 reads
After After The Quake
After After the Quake On Boxing Day Ralph woke with the worst possible hangover. The night before he had drunk until three am in a bar on Oxford...
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- 3318 reads
Diary November 2nd
Diary November 2 - on finishing editing Darts and watching Fahrenheit 451
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- 1468 reads
The story's all there but I
Posted on Fri, 06 Dec 2019
The story's all there but I think the twist is too much of a twist. I'd get Charlie in right in the first line. 'Alfred could love or leave his family but Charlie was his mate...' or something like that. And I'd give the impression that Janet was...
Read full commentPosted in Where The Hell is Charlie?
Brilliant. Love it.
Posted on Thu, 21 Nov 2019
Brilliant. Love it.
Read full commentPosted in Mars
Thank you. And now that makes
Posted on Sun, 17 Nov 2019
Thank you. And now that makes perfect sense.
Read full commentPosted in A Jewel
I love this.
Posted on Sun, 17 Nov 2019
I love this.
Read full commentBut what is Kennabi?
Posted in A Jewel
I agree. I like these kind of
Posted on Thu, 14 Nov 2019
I agree. I like these kind of memory pieces. However, and it's just my opinion, I didn't like the '...'. I don't think you needed them.
Read full comment'Sisters are great but there are times in certain adolescent years that older sisters can view...
Posted in Rockefeller Center Babysitting Service
I agree. Like the movement
Posted on Thu, 14 Nov 2019
I agree. Like the movement between the images and also the final two lines.
A couple of things. I can't see how a 'car slams shut'. 'a car door slams, shut, cocoons...'
What's 'bouguet'? Do you mean bouquet?
Read full commentPosted in layers
I love the setting.
Posted on Tue, 12 Nov 2019
I love the setting.
Just an opinion.
I'd change the structure. So you have verses of 5, 3, 3, 5. The first 2 verses I'd leave. 'a soubrette I had met' can go and the third line, 'a dancer from the Moulin Rouge'....
Read full commentPosted in Godot
Oh yes, me too. I love the
Posted on Tue, 05 Nov 2019
Oh yes, me too. I love the unexpected use of flowers. I particularly like, 'She had a lilac core' and the final 2 lines, because the admiration comes across in a completely unsentimental way. Steadfast.
Read full commentPosted in The Language of Dead Flowers
I enjoyed this. The opening
Posted on Sat, 02 Nov 2019
I enjoyed this. The opening line is wonderful. Am I being thick? Are there two Severn Bridges?
Read full commentPosted in Travelling down the Wye Valley 28/10/19
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