celticman
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Best that money can buy
‘You done it yet?’ Al asked. He’d been thirty for a long time now and it was beginning to show around his mouth, which seemed to get thinner every...
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- 2099 reads
ghost of who we've been
Balletic boy’s laughter grows shrill and keen Yawning electric doors drawing them into orbit Others stop for a fag in the taxi rank Fat blokes and...
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- 1557 reads
raring
Why rara aves in the study of zoology? Glorious Pere Aleatorius Cast off the die Bequest no fixed reason or why No alee or nature shelter Spinning...
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- 2086 reads
carrel
You’re not there Side by side as we were Sitting stretched sometimes Sighing and nodding Chasing certain phrases Folded together newspaper pages Worn...
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- 2068 reads
our house
Sometimes I feel really old. I’m sitting in the kitchen when my niece sneaks in the back door. I kid on I hadn’t heard the clatter of hurried feet,...
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- 1497 reads
I read it in one gulp, but it
Posted on Thu, 01 Jan 2015
I read it in one gulp, but it went down smoothly. Lovely as a draught of a draught.
Read full commentPosted in Christmas Game Over
surprise ending, but a
Posted on Thu, 01 Jan 2015
surprise ending, but a constant source of wonder.
Read full commentPosted in Cosmological Constant
a well dramatised account of
Posted on Sat, 20 Dec 2014
a well dramatised account of something that should never have been.
Read full commentPosted in 25 Years After
the remarkable thing isn't
Posted on Thu, 11 Dec 2014
the remarkable thing isn't that some men break, it is that some don't, or at least not outwardly, as you have shown here. sea monsters come in many form, many fetishes and I think we are all reduced and reducable to bubbling children scared or...
Read full commentPosted in Sea Monster (part 2/2)
soaks up everything like a
Posted on Tue, 09 Dec 2014
soaks up everything like a sponge is cliched, Delete the sponge bit or use a butchery metaphor eg HIs brains soaks up things like a cow soaks up bovine spongifom encephalophy, which is more words, which defeats the purpose. Mad or what? I liked...
Read full commentPosted in When The Boxes Open
Johnny carried [H]hector.
Posted on Sun, 07 Dec 2014
Johnny carried [H]hector. good fast beat to the action, but referring to them as man 2 and man 3 makes it seem more like a screenplay than a story. You could use shorthand like the fat man and the thinner man etc.
Read full commentPosted in My Friend Johnny (chapter 2)
brilliant. You and I are
Posted on Thu, 04 Dec 2014
brilliant. You and I are earth indeed.
Read full commentPosted in You and I are Earth
K(C)rays. But don't kill the
Posted on Wed, 03 Dec 2014
K(C)rays. But don't kill the goose that laid the golden egg. Keep writing. Later you can move back and go horizontal, following the leads you've established here, giving a bit more detail. Fleshing them out!
Read full commentPosted in BERMONDSEY GIRLS - Rose Amelia Wigzell - Part 3 - Brothers in arms
oh, sad twist at the end. I'm
Posted on Fri, 28 Nov 2014
oh, sad twist at the end. I'm not able to judge whether it's the standard iambic pentameter, or whether Melvolio is a play on Malvolio Twelth Night, but your skill is remarkable. I wish you well with this.
Read full commentPosted in A Star Crossed Story
good story, flows well, ends
Posted on Fri, 28 Nov 2014
good story, flows well, ends well -well for some!
Read full commentPosted in Kevin Smiled
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