The Undertakers
Stories featuring the characters of Josiah Oakshott and Archibald Thurble
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- 1503 reads
A Dubious Undertaking
An awkward conversation between and undertaker and his hapless assistant
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- 2970 reads
Last Rights - Part 1
The undertakers are back and Archibald has an encounter with the constabulary
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- 818 reads
Last Rights - Part 2
The undertakers again - in which Archibald explains his predicament
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- 566 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 16
In which a number of parties set out for a road trip, with varying degrees of success.
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- 610 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 17
In which Josiah and Archibald finally meet their client. Possibly.
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- 74244 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 18
In which Lawrence falters, Chantelle tries to judge between the quick and the dead, and Josiah learns something to his disadvantage.
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- 960 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 19
In which something doesn't quite fit and a solution presents itself.
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- 1191 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 20
In which people are lost, and found, and questions are raised.
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- 857 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 21
In which suspicions are raised and observations made.
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- 1554 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 22
In which some people leave, and have a story to tell, whilst others arrive with their story untold
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- 624 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 23
In which misunderstanding reigns supreme and frustrations are keenly felt.
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- 598 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 24
In which remains are not allowed to remain and suspicions are followed.
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- 825 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 25
In which the tired are rejuvenated and seeing is not hearing
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- 595 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 26
In which Lawrence is hopeful, and Amber is surprised.
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- 792 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 27
In which Lawrence is amused, and Amber is not.
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- 1245 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 28 (revised)
In which our weary travellers gain some respite, discuss ducks and steel and feel queasy about jam.
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- 706 reads
For Those In Peril On The Sea
Some of the following story was told to me as a true account over the weekend. As soon as I heard it, I thought that this was a natural story for my two hapless undertakers. Hope you enjoy it!
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- 717 reads
I See A Friday And I Want To Paint It Black!
There's a certain strain of advertising that I seem to see quite a lot of, at the moment, and it irritates me immensely. I thought that Josiah and Archibald might have some views on it, too!
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- 749 reads
It's All In The Game - Part 1
Josiah is preparing for the Company Christmas Party whilst Archibald has a musical question...
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- 6308 reads
It's All In The Game - Part 2
In which Josiah seeks modernisation and Archibald bursts into rhyme!
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- 6043 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 29 (revised)
It's not exactly a snappy title, is it? I've been stuck on this story for months and months but I think I've finally seen a route through! Apologies to anyone who has been following the series as you've probably forgotten the plot by now (and I wouldn't blame you). Any road (as Archibald would say) normal service will now be resumed... So this is Part 29, with some revisions, in which there are comings and goings, zombies and villains and, possibly, puddings!
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- 523 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 30
In which Lawrence gets an unexpected prod and D.I. Wood finds himself incommunicado.
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- 6446 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 31
In which Chantelle shocks Josiah and Josiah mourns lost love.
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- 5605 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 32
In which Frankie wrestles with a philosophical conundrum and Lawrence, Amber and Frankie have their journey unexpectedly truncated, in more ways than one!
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- 3701 reads
Bring Out Your Dead - Part 33
In which Archibald wakes from his rest, and Frankie doesn't!
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- 581 reads
"Will ye no come back again...?"
This story was conceived the other day, when I drove through my old home town of Burton upon Trent and noticed that this had actually happened at a well-known funeral director's. I couldn't believe my eyes and I wondered what Archibald and Josiah might have to say about it...
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- 1382 reads
An Ill Wind
Given everything that is going on at the moment, it was sort of inevitable that my undertakers would become involved at some point!
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- 1171 reads
From a distance...
I know this is a tricky subject about which to be even vaguely humorous but I felt that my Undertakers couldn't fail to comment during the current unpleasantness. Hope you'll bear with me. Keep safe, everyone!
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- 1109 reads
Lest we forget...what was it?
I suppose even undertakers celebrated V.E. Day, so I thought we might check in on Josiah and Archibald.
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- 416 reads
Bursting the Bubble
It's a busy time at Oakshott and Underwood, for all of the wrong reasons (although, to be honest, there are very few right ones!) and Josiah Oakshott is 'burning the midnight oil'...
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- 905 reads
The Song Has Gone, But The Memory Lingers On!
Archibald is researching and reminiscing, Josiah is not too sure he wants him to do either!
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- 616 reads
We Shall Not Pass This Way Again
Josiah and Archibald are having to share a car, along with some insights!
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- 997 reads
Take Off That Gloomy Mask of Tragedy!
In which Archibald finds adhering to the government's strictures dangerous, and exhausting
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- 1571 reads
Some Are Born Great...
Josiah and Archibald consider leadership qualities.
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- 2455 reads
Grave Expectations - Part 1
In which Josiah has an unpleasant task to perform and Archibald finds himself in trouble!
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- 1412 reads
Grave Expectations - Part 2
In which Archibald faces ruin and Josiah has an epiphany
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- 1111 reads
Never Say Die!
Josiah and Archibald discuss a burning desire
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- 851 reads
Up-Helly-Aaagh!
Josiah and Archibald reflect on the law of unintended consequences.
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- 478 reads
Through A Glass, Darkly
Archibald discovers it's difficult to find his way in life and Josiah considers their future.
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- 592 reads
Measure for Measure?
In which Archibald discovers that size does matter and Josiah tries to explain the facts of life.
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- 890 reads
All's Well That Ends, Well...?
In which Josiah's plans come to fruition and Archibald's come crashing down!
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- 605 reads
Lamenting the lock-up
Josiah and Archibald consider the possibility of further Covid restrictions, with mixed results.
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- 716 reads
Testing Times
In which Josiah prepares for the worst and Archibald tests his patience.
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- 664 reads
Tiers for Souvenirs
In which Archibald is concerned and Josiah, confused.
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- 999 reads
A fly on the wall...and in the ointment!
Josiah seethes and Archibald ruminates
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- 334 reads
The Ghost of Christmas Present(s)
I couldn't let Christmas pass without a Josiah and Archibald story. In this one,they both give and receive
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- 407 reads
The Auntie Vera Factor
In which Josiah tests his wits and Archibald tests his patience.
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- 404 reads
A Big Stick and a Little Prick
In which size is important to Archibald and Josiah wrestles with reality.
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- 4 comments
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- 500 reads
A Sign of the Times
In which Josiah sees a sign, and Archibald wishes he hadn't! This story was inspired by an allegedly real photograph of precisely this sign being displayed in a Funeral Director's window, which gives me hope that Josiah and Archibald really are out there, somewhere :-)
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- 356 reads
The Thin Black Line
In which Josiah might be liable and Archibald might have to bounce
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- 672 reads
The Ice-Cream Man Cometh
Archibald tries his hand at marketing, again, and Josiah takes a stand!
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- 538 reads
A Candle and the Wind
In which Josiah and Archibald debate the merits (or otherwise) of complementary therapies.
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- 409 reads
Banging the Bongos at Blackpool!
In which Archibald frets and Josiah bangs a drum! Photo by Tom Waites, 2013
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- 312 reads
Smoke on the Water!
In which Josiah fumes and Archibald rocks!
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- 434 reads
Par-um-pah-pum-pum!
In which Josiah comes bearing gifts and Archibald turns to drink.
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- 583 reads
"You've got to fight, for the right, to..."
Archibald nurses his injuries, whilst Josiah considers the state of the party
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- 474 reads
For Fear of Little Men
I've struggled to write anything remotely humorous, with everything that's been going on recently, but I felt I needed to break out of my self-imposed purdah and who better to do it with than Josiah and Archibald?
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- 447 reads
"Is There Anybody There...?"
Archibald sends a message and Josiah despairs
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- 4 comments
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- 406 reads
A Matter of Opinion
In which Archibald makes a suggestion and Josiah surveys all before him
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- 300 reads
A Question, Of Sorts
Archibald drives home a point and Josiah misses his turn
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- 378 reads
I Want My Mummy!
Josiah gives up but Archibald fancies having a go!
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- 313 reads
No, Ho, Ho!
In which Archibald asks for a favour and Josiah feels no goodwill to the season.
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- 376 reads
Making Plans...for Archibald (Part 1)
In which Archibald answers the call and Josiah does not make plans
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- 446 reads
Making Plans...for Archibald (Part 2)
In which Josiah schemes and Archibald crashes.
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- 174 reads
The Frog and Crumpet
In which Archibald feels the cold and Josiah takes a grave view.
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- 318 reads
Drumming Up The Christmas Trade!
In which Archibald drums up trade whilst Josiah wrestles with a quandary!
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- 326 reads
A Subsequent Engagement?
In which Josiah poses a question, Archibald answers it and Samantha is puzzled.
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- 8 comments
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- 387 reads
The Trouble with Horace Dimchurch
The third in the festive season trilogy of Undertakers stories, in which Archibald takes charge and Josiah discovers the downside of delegation.
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- 267 reads
The Fall and Rise of...Archibald Thurble?
The fourth part of the trilogy (yes, yes, I know...just go with it!) in which Horace makes an exit and Archibald watches developments.
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- 188 reads
Educating Archie?
Well, it had to be, didn't it? In this episode, Archibald tries to wriggle out but Samantha pins him down!
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- 265 reads
"It is better to have loved, and lost...and lost..."?
" It is better to have loved and lost.. ." but is it?
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- 182 reads
Board Stiff! (The Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 1)
In which Josiah waits and Archibald agitates!
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- 349 reads
Keep on Truckin' (The Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 2)
Josiah boards, Archibald trundles and the police take an interest.
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- 167 reads
Death and Taxis! (The Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 3)
In which Archibald returns to consciousness and Josiah says something he shouldn't!
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- 184 reads
Non, je ne regrette rien! (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 4)
In which Archibald revels in foreign parts and Josiah makes a stand!
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- 211 reads
Stiffed! (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 5)
In which Josiah feels frustrated and Archibald gets the cold shoulder.
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- 316 reads
Churros, chickens and choices (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 6)
In which Amber sulks, Josiah declines an offer and D.S. Stone has his day ruined.
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- 10 comments
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- 680 reads
Better to travel hopefully...? (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 7)
In which Archibald has his dream crushed and Amber has a nightmare!
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- 239 reads
"Oh!" (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 8)
In which both Amber and Archibald have a surprise, for very different reasons.
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- 180 reads
"Not lost, but..." (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 9)
In which both the Undertakers and the Detectives lose something, Lawrence thinks he's found something, and Amber makes a shocking discovery!
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- 236 reads
Threats and Promises? (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 10)
In which Josiah and Archibald are at cross purposes and D.S. Stone is just cross!
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- 142 reads
"The best laid plans..." (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 11)
In which plans are made and disrupted, but not necessarily in that order!
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- 158 reads
Morning Has Broken (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 12)
A new day brings new problems for the officers of law enforcement and our erstwhile holidaymakers.
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- 165 reads
Driven to Distraction (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 13)
In which Josiah drives and Archibald sulks.
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- 196 reads
On The Road, Again! (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 14)
In which the Detectives and Mr. & Mrs. Hamble head off down the coast, but not together!
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- 167 reads
Lying in State? (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 15)
In which Josiah, Archibald and Chantelle pay their respects and get a surprise, for very different reasons.
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- 153 reads
Keeping A Lid On It (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 16)
In which Lawrence quivers, and so does Chantelle, with remarkably different results!
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- 4 comments
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- 241 reads
The Ferry Godmother? (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 17)
In which Josiah confronts a dilemma, Chantelle offers a solution and the Detectives make a dramatic entrance.
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- 8 comments
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- 522 reads
Ocean Drive (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 19)
In which Archibald and Chantelle take to the road, D.I. Wood does likewise, but somewhat removed, and Lawrence doesn't take to it at all!
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- 278 reads
Pack Up! (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 20)
In which Chantelle, D.I. Wood and D.S. Stone all search for something, with similar results!
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- 391 reads
Summer Holiday? (Bring Out Your Dead series - Part 21)
In which Josiah and Chantelle find a mutually beneficial arrangement and the Detectives get all their eggs in one basket!
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- 47 reads
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