There's a Ghost in My House (Dead Reckoning series - Part 6)

Continued from Episode 5 (Driving in My Car)

The story so far:  Things are not going well at Oakshott and Underwood.  The news about the fracas in the crematorium at the end of the 'Bring Out Your Dead' saga, has spread far and wide, with an inevitable drop in trade as a consequence.  Fortunately, a request for a consultation from a Mrs. DeVille, at a prestigious address in Cheshire, shows some promise but Josiah's sprained wrist has meant that Archibald has had to drive him to his appointment.  After a less than welcoming encounter with an old retainer,Josiah was hugely surprised to meet someone he was not expecting:

“You two know each other, then?” Archibald enquired, as he looked from the open-mouthed and obviously shocked, Josiah Oakshott, to the warmly smiling Jeanette DeVille.

“We do, indeed” Jeanette nodded.

“I erm…” Josiah looked lost for words and white as a sheet.

“Perhaps your…colleague…?” Jeanette began.

“Ah yes, sorry, this is Archibald Thurble” Josiah motioned in Archibald’s direction, “He kindly drove me here today.  As you can see, I am somewhat incapacitated” He lifted his slinged arm to illustrate his point.

“Oh dear, Josiah, I do hope you are not badly injured?” Jeanette looked concerned.

“Not at all, it is just a sprain” Josiah insisted.

“A severe sprain!” Archibald added, loyally.

“As I was going to say, perhaps your colleague would enjoy a little time inspecting our extensive gardens?” Jeanette asked, meaningfully raising an eyebrow.

“Ah yes, that would be a capital idea!” Josiah nodded and smiled, “Archibald, would you care to take a turn around the grounds, whilst Mrs. DeVille and I take the opportunity to renew our erm, acquaintance?”

“You want me to go out?” Archibald looked at his employer in astonishment, “And leave you with her?”

“That was the nub and the gist of my suggestion, Archibald, yes”

“Oh, right!” Archibald looked exceedingly put out, but, nevertheless, headed back out the way he had come in.  Behind him, he could hear low mutterings and then a peal of laughter.

Striding out into the rear courtyard, Archibald was conducting a monologue of misery with himself.

‘Bloody marvellous!’ He thought, ‘I drive him all the way here, and when we do get here, we’re treated like the hired bloody help by that jumped-up toerag what answered the door, and then, damn me, when the lady of the house turns up, what happens?  Only that I get turfed out into the garden!  Huh! It’s a wonder they didn’t give me a bottle of pop and a packet of crisps!’ Archibald’s sulky ramblings had transported him around the back of the house and into a sort of maze, formed by a criss-cross of hedging.  Head down and deep in self-pity, he marched on, oblivious to the delights of the garden.  He, therefore, didn’t notice when a young girl appeared from behind one of the hedges, and nearly marched straight into her.

“Bloody hell!” He yelped, finding himself about to go head-first into a slender girl, slightly taller than him, dressed all in black, with long, copper hair.

“I am sorry, did I startle you?” She asked, with concern.

“Not half!” Archibald confirmed, in an aggrieved tone, “I didn’t know there was anyone else about!”

“This is my garden” The girl looked around her, with the pride of ownership, “and you are in my favourite spot.  I like to come here when I want to be on my own”

“Oh well, don’t mind me!” Archibald grumbled, “everybody’s chucking me out, today” He made to march off again, but she put out a restraining hand

“Please don’t go” She pleaded, “I do apologise, I did not intend to hurt your feelings.  I merely meant that this is somewhere I like to come when I want to be alone with my thoughts.  You must have times like that, too?”

“Well, there’s a place in the stores where I like to go for a bit of peace and quiet, yeah” Archibald conceded.

“There you are, then” The girl smiled and Archibald thought she was the prettiest thing he had ever seen.  Very pale and a bit odd, it had to be said, but decidedly pretty.  “I’m precious” She announced, placing a palm on her chest.

“Well, I s’pose we all are to someone” Archibald hazarded, unsure of how to respond to this statement.  The girl looked at him, blankly.

“I mean, my name is Precious”

“Oh, right” Archibald frowned, “that’s erm…different” He suggested.

“Mama said she thought it summed me up, completely” Precious said, proudly.

“Right!  Did she?” Archibald considered this latest information and decided that further comment would probably not be advisable, “I’m Archibald, Archibald Thurble, but my friends call me Archie”

“May I call you Archie?” Precious asked, shyly.

“Yeah, why not?” Archibald nodded, “I’m here with Mr. Oakshott”

“That is the Funeral Director, is that correct?”

“Yeah, I’m like his right-hand man.” Archibald said, proudly, “well, specially at the moment ‘on account of how he can’t use his one of his hands” He giggled to himself.

“I was aware that Mama had requested a visit” Precious stated, solemnly, ignoring the attempt at humour.

“Oh, is that your mam?” Archibald nodded in the general direction of the house.

“Indeed” Precious smiled at him, “this is our home” She looked around, and smiled, warmly.

“Some place!” Archibald agreed, “so, is it just you and your mam what live here then?”

“Myself, Mama and Hames”

“Hames?” Archibald frowned.

“The butler.  You must have met him!  We would be lost without him”

“We were nearly lost with him!” Archibald commented, bitterly, “He made us come ‘round to the Tradesman’s Entrance”

“Ah, yes, dear old Hames” Precious grinned, “he is something of a traditionalist.  Pay him no heed, there is no malice in him, whatsoever”

“Yeah, well, he’s got a funny way of showing it” Archibald had definitely taken a dislike to the butler.

“If you are Mr. erm…” She hesitated.

“Oakshott” Archibald supplied.

“Indeed, if you are Mr. Oakshott’s ‘right-hand man’, then why are you out here in the garden?”

“Ah, well, they chucked me out, didn’t they?” Archibald said, bitterly.

“’Chucked you out’?” Precious looked puzzled, “What do you mean by that?”

“Made me ‘op it” Archibald translated, “gave me the bum’s rush”

Precious looked at him, blankly, a situation that was not unusual for Archibald.

“I mean they made me come out here, in the garden, ‘cause they wanted a private natter”

“Really?” Precious looked a little excited, “Do you know what they wanted to talk about?”

“No idea” Archibald shook his head, “it was just obvious they knew each other, probably from way back, I’d guess”

“How thrilling!” Precious clapped her hands together.

“Not if you’re stuck out in the garden, like a kid shoved outside a pub!” Archibald grumbled.

“A pub?” Precious looked puzzled.

“Yeah, you know, a boozer” Archibald made a drinking motion.

“You have me at a disadvantage” Precious looked perplexed.

“You know, where people go to have a drink”

“Do you mean…” Precious looked around her, as if afraid that someone might hear, “alcohol?” She whispered.

“Yeah, that’s it” Archibald nodded, “Back in the day, when kids couldn’t go into pubs, they used to be parked outside with a bottle of pop and a packet of crisps, that’s what I meant”

“I’m afraid I have no knowledge of such establishments” Precious said, seriously, “Mama does not approve of…” She lowered her voice, again, “alcohol”

“Oh well, takes all sorts” Archibald conceded, generously, “Me Nan’s the other way round, she don’t approve if you don’t drink your own weight in it”

“Your ‘Nan’?” Precious queried.

“Yeah, you know, me grandmother, although she’d go barmy if you called her that.  She lives with me and me Mam”

“That must be…cosy” Precious suggested, after some thought.

“Well, it keeps her out of trouble…sometimes” Archibald said, thoughtfully.

“But I must not detain you” Precious pulled a pocket-watch on a chain from around her waist and consulted it, “goodness, just look how long we have been chatting!  Come, I will escort you back to the House”

“Oh, ta!  I wasn’t taking any notice of how I got here, to be honest, so I wasn’t looking forward to finding me way back” Archibald admitted.

“It is something of a labyrinth” Precious agreed, leading the way.  Shortly they found themselves at the rear of the House.

“Please feel free to go in” Precious urged, “I am sure they will have concluded their business, by now”

“Aren’t you coming?” Archibald asked, as he made to go through the door.

“No, I think I will enjoy the fresh air for a little longer” She turned to go, but then turned back, “It was really good to meet with you, Archie” She treated him to a devastating smile that turned his legs to jelly, “I do hope we can meet again”

“Yeah, me an’ all” Archibald managed, and then she was gone.

He made his way back into the Dining Room.  Josiah and Jeanette DeVille were sitting side by side at the table, laughing and clearly enjoying each other’s company.  Archibald coughed, diplomatically, to make them aware of his presence.

“Ah, Archibald! Your timing is excellent” Josiah beamed at him, and started to get up, “I had just said, to Mrs. DeVille, that we really should be going”

“Right you are, Mr. O.” Archibald nodded, “I’ve just been chatting to that young girl, out the back, like” Archibald jerked a thumb in the general direction of the garden.

“A young girl, you say?” Mrs. DeVille queried.

“Yeah, name of Precious.  Your daughter” Archibald said, to remove any doubt.

“You are mistaken, Archibald” Mrs. DeVille said, seriously, “I have no daughter.  There was a young girl of that name, here at the House, many years ago, but she died in tragic circumstances”

“You what?” Archibald yelped.

To find out how Josiah and Archibald came to be in this predicament, you really need to read 'Bring Out Your Dead' (link is external) available now in both Kindle and paperback versions.

Now read Part 7