6 of my comments have received 7 Great Feedback votes
Posted on Thu, 21 Sep 2017
a few clean up notes
get rid of a couple "littles"
clarify this sentence" The look, in her mind’s eye, that right now made her want to her jump right back on one and go home"
seek alternatives to the word "seem" ( appear,...Read full comment
Posted in Wrinkles
Posted on Sat, 10 Mar 2018
Kayfabe is a carnival term for never letting a non- carny in on the secrets of the carny. Wrestling has a long association with carnivals.
Bad guys are always bad guys in kayfabe and they hate good guys in kayfabe which is like pretending...Read full comment
Posted in Donald Trump in the beginning
i'm beginning to agree
Posted on Mon, 18 Dec 2017
in some ways i've resisted this mine because it seems too easy. Ya know the ageless bugaboo of thinking that it can't be any good unless it's a creative struggle. I should be old enough at this stage to realize this and appreciate the gold mine...Read full comment
Posted in Ralph and Big Dave
paragraphing is important
Posted on Sun, 14 Feb 2016
yes it is and your paragraphing style moves the reader briskly through the content. Maybe reconsider the commas in the last sentence. I love it when stories end with a very short parageraph. BravoRead full comment
Posted in Play, You...Play Me