Slammin' Salmon
By ice rivers
- 1554 reads
Analyzing Rhonda
This morning we will discuss not only the importance of pronunciation as well as imagery differentiation but also the contrasts between inner/outer...
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- 651 reads
Shit Job All The Way
Perhaps we've all had shitty jobs accentuated by shitty bosses. Towards the end of the twentieth century I thought that by the 21rst century we'd be...
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- 783 reads
Word on Cam
Everybody loves Ali now but that was not always the way. Even after whuppin that big ugly bear Liston and even though nobody had seen such speed and...
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- 714 reads
Nook Overlook
Sleepwalking Nothing has any meaning to me other than the meaning that I give to it. This is certainly clear about the fake marigolds in the vase in...
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- 639 reads
Lydia Perfidia
In 1967, Bob Dylan wrote the song "Too Much of Nuthin" and he came up with the wonderful rhyme of Vivian with oblivion. This morning while thinking...
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- 778 reads
Speedway Sevens
Today I had an extra fifteen seconds on my agenda so naturally I decided to dream a dream. I made this decision while walking past a Speedway on my...
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- 539 reads
A Tit Named Tin
Imagine the internal conflict and insecurity associated with the inability to decide whether you are more tit than wren or more wren than tit only to...
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- 398 reads
Only Delight
I haven't had fewer readers in decades which is pretty much okay wif me. I write because the light goes on and as long as it stays on, I continue to...
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- 458 reads
Lola Was A Bowler
Lola was a bowler Who lived across the Lane Lola owned a corner lot Five miles from the Main. Lola had a neighbor Who was an engineer Who had a wife...
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- 445 reads
Fustian Bombast and Power
Once upon a time, the royalty wanted an illusion of power to go along with their illusion of super-humanity. The men wanted muscles and the women...
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- 535 reads
In the Beginning
Let's take it back to the beginningIn oh yeah When there was no history and death was no mystery. What we now call sunset and dawn were as...
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- 1117 reads
Listen up Jedidiah
Listen up, Jedidiah. When Moses asked the burning bush for identification, the bush said yahwe. In his mind Moe thought I'll call this I AM and Willl...
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- 539 reads
Global Theophonic Prayer
Yeah, Isiah, theophany's the word. As previously revealed, the burning bush told Moses "Call me Yahwe' which Moses shortened to Yah which is...
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- 925 reads
Remembering the Magic of Gabriel
Yeah, it's difficult to remember our dreams when we're awake. The main reason we don't enjoy them more thoroughly is because we are asleep when they...
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- 429 reads
Firepit
Maybe it's the weather But I just can't get it together I'm weak and weary The sky is dark and dreary. Ain't nuthin' I'm needin' Cept the voracious...
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- 458 reads
Grins and Gardens
As you may have noticed, I've had a mental block going lately so I need to type my way out of it. As an artist (or at least a person who while no...
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- 451 reads
Dividing Dog and Wolf 2; Brian's word
Brian was a big, intimidatin', angry, black, quarterback sackin', three yards and a cloud of dust fullbackin', heavy duty reboundin', i'll do my work...
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- 499 reads
Aaron's Vivid Dream
What Aaron's dreams lacked in lucidity they compensated for with vividity. No matter how vivid, Aaron could always tell when he was dreaming. In his...
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- 688 reads
Diminishing to Perfection
Perhaps the greatest obscure artist of them all was the Incredible Shrinking Man. He just kept getting smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller...
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- 470 reads
Not the Type To Write
If we have to give names to our obsessions, I am a photographer and a writer. I used to be a snapshot guy but no longer. Nowadays, phones are for...
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- 617 reads
Physics
Okay Physics, you tried to stop me from graduating. You don’t like me and I don’t like you. You think you’re so godamned smart, don’t you. Part of...
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- 371 reads
Being Adam
According to St. Augustine, humanity is "condemned clay". No wonder there's a city in Florida named after the guy. I take a lighter look. Humanity is...
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- 922 reads
Bald Faced Lie
"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." Much Ado about Nothing. Quote Act ii. Scene 1. I got a...
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- 396 reads
Today's The Day
C'mon everybody. Let's do this. Contact your Congressman, your senator, your premier, your divine leader, the Pope, the Dali Llama, the Queen, the...
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- 490 reads
"Quotation Marks" (a solipsistic essay)
Let's get started on quotation marks, shall we? The solopsist in "me" believes that quotation marks can not be overused as air quotes serve to...
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- 1021 reads
1958 Heart Throb
This was a great time to be a Johnny or a Jimmy and white and talented. Like every year, this was a great year for dreams and eyes. Like every year,...
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- 630 reads
Threesome Teetime Tomorrow
I've got a tee time for tomorrow for a threesome which means that I'm scheduled to play golf with two other guys. Guy number one is my brother Deke...
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- 496 reads
I'm Free and So Is My Corn
I'm not addicted to writing. Addiction begins at the exact moment that you know you shouldn't do something that you've aready done at least once...
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- 481 reads
Diplomacy
One afternoon I woke up With a Hammer in my hand I noticed a shortage of freedom of justice and of love through out the land so I decided to cut down...
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- 403 reads
Mr. Baseball and the Fiber Optic Bear
Elephant Memory Introducing Mr. Baseball As much as I respect the separation of church and state, I have the same regard for the separation of...
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- 563 reads
Ask Ray Davies
It's hard to be at your best when under sterotypical suspicion. Ask Ray Davies Everybody knows the song "You Really Got Me" and deservedly so. When...
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- 3 comments
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- 905 reads
Grasshopper Jungle Classification
Let’s talk about classification. I always have a hard time in classifying my work. Published books are classified according to the anticipated...
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- 868 reads
Three Simple Things
I was listening to one of the smartest people on the planet a few years ago, who shall go unnamed as anonymity is his/her preference. Anyways this...
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- 386 reads
Ronaldandonaldmacdonald
I spent three of my formative years in a lunatic asylum that was known as a boy's dorm. Nowadays, those facilities are probably called Men's and...
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- 405 reads
To Cat Ladies Out There
Word to all present and potential cat ladies out there, Painting your toes and brushing your hair. They're not lions so they're not a pride. They're...
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- 330 reads
Bored Again Christian
It's simple really, if you are bored...you are thinking too much about yourself. Are you bored now at this very instant? Probably not because you are...
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- 1 comment
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- 553 reads
Catcher 51
Q: How far can a bear go into the woods? A: Halfway and then if he/she continues, the bear is heading OUT of the woods. (Speaking of Bears and woods...
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- 432 reads
After Inventing Poe
I almost made a mistake when I invented Edgar Allen Poe and everything that he wrote. I did want all the figments to get acquainted with horror,...
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- 4 comments
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- 1559 reads
Air Quotes in Lipstick Land (?!?)
We don't know where we came from. We don't know where we're going to. But in between, we think we know where we are and "we" try like hell to hold on...
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- 502 reads
Humans Being Tense
Unless you are a fictitious person, as I occasionally am, you are a human being. Let's invert that You are being human. To error is human. You are in...
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- 4 comments
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- 1337 reads
Escape Velocity
If you've been following my obscure career, you are familiar with at least a couple of things. I'm not a big fan of physics and my writing has become...
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- 339 reads
Velvet Rendezvous
The surrealistic rendering of dreams does resemble the realistic rendering of hallucinations. Hallucinations are dreams that take place when we are...
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- 349 reads
Creation in the Crapper
No matter how erudite and urbanite Merle Seton pretended to be, he was plagued by tics and scratches, weighed by cups full of hicks in batches...
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- 663 reads
Six minutes in the life of Sam and Sandy
Sam was a sniveling sixty year old lad held beneath contempt by his wife of fifteen years....the long suffering Sandy. Upon awakening one day at noon...
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- 4 comments
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- 1078 reads
Illusion of learning
Learning, like the classroom, itself is temporary. When we learn, what we really learn is how to become better learners rather than the coverage and...
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- 571 reads
Escaping Into A New Cell
Halftime has officially come to an end with an unexpected pep talk. I've been resisting a cell phone because I don't want to be in touch with...
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- 423 reads
Wild Cherry Cola Yeah Yeah Yeah
I was listening to the Kinks sing Lola and drinking a wild cherry cola when the obsession began. My wild cherry cola tasted like champagne Champagne...
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- 2 comments
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- 972 reads
Real Fake Mr. Drysdale
C'mon up on the porch. Sit a spell. Kick your shoes off. Grab a beverage while I tell you a little story about the new South. Because the market is...
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- 638 reads
Concord Mall Jellyfish
Concord Mall is a gigantic shopping Mecca in Concord, North Carolina. Within the mall, there is an impressive aquarium filled with "thousands" of...
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- 396 reads
Winning Streak
I'm four brown shots into a bottle of Jack. I've been here before and I'm coming back I'm a gamblin' man hearing the bugle call. The difference being...
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- 307 reads
The Lucky One
I suppose I'm on a losing streak. I haven't had a hit in weeks. I don't mind the losses. I never risk more than I can afford to lose. Never chose...
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- 2 comments
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- 642 reads
November Sighing Lies About December (inverted Sonnet)
To the safe harbor, your dreams and pillows. Through that danger zone of naked willows As your souls endure further incision Until warm winter winds...
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- 356 reads
Many Journeys Start With A Snipping
Al Aguglia had been going to Phil the barber for haircuts since Phil was a kid just starting his one chair shop. Al stopped off for his regular...
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- 552 reads
Ray Coach In Cave
I was in the cave minding everybody else's business. The lion lamb of March had just purred in under soft rain and concrete clouds when the spirit of...
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- 2 comments
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- 755 reads
The Pursuit of Free Beer
The sign outside the dive read "Free Beer Tomorrow". I was near broke and of considerable thirst. I took a seat at the bar at noon. I asked the...
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- 309 reads
Awake and In Love
On Memorial Day in America we remember our vetrans who lost their life in battle. Also, if we are lucky, we make a memory that we can relate on...
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- 574 reads
Darkness Counts as Weather
In Rochester, New York on the banks of the big sea water, we have learned that Darkness counts as weather. We have been battered by windstorms,...
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- 2 comments
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- 548 reads
An Old Blind Spot In A New Town
Keep your eyes on the road.
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- 333 reads
Supernatural Tar Pit Tripping
I have no trouble taking the small evolutionary crawl backward from the dormant state of alligator behavior to the general intelligence or lack of...
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- 3 comments
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- 610 reads