Slammin' Salmon

 

Analyzing Rhonda

This morning we will discuss not only the importance of pronunciation as well as imagery differentiation but also the contrasts between inner/outer...

Shit Job All The Way

Perhaps we've all had shitty jobs accentuated by shitty bosses. Towards the end of the twentieth century I thought that by the 21rst century we'd be...

Word on Cam

Everybody loves Ali now but that was not always the way. Even after whuppin that big ugly bear Liston and even though nobody had seen such speed and...

The Shape of Ample Breasts

Before I wrote my first novel, I had a feeling I was about to write a novel so I sought out a purported novelist to help me along. The course was...
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Nook Overlook

Sleepwalking Nothing has any meaning to me other than the meaning that I give to it. This is certainly clear about the fake marigolds in the vase in...

Lydia Perfidia

In 1967, Bob Dylan wrote the song "Too Much of Nuthin" and he came up with the wonderful rhyme of Vivian with oblivion. This morning while thinking...

Speedway Sevens

Today I had an extra fifteen seconds on my agenda so naturally I decided to dream a dream. I made this decision while walking past a Speedway on my...

A Tit Named Tin

Imagine the internal conflict and insecurity associated with the inability to decide whether you are more tit than wren or more wren than tit only to...

Only Delight

I haven't had fewer readers in decades which is pretty much okay wif me. I write because the light goes on and as long as it stays on, I continue to...

Lola Was A Bowler

Lola was a bowler Who lived across the Lane Lola owned a corner lot Five miles from the Main. Lola had a neighbor Who was an engineer Who had a wife...

Fustian Bombast and Power

Once upon a time, the royalty wanted an illusion of power to go along with their illusion of super-humanity. The men wanted muscles and the women...

Venting, Inventing and Preventing Beardism

We all know that isms exists. Some isms are active but, seemingly polite. Most isms are simply passive. They hide themselves in etiquette even as...

In the Beginning

Let's take it back to the beginningIn oh yeah When there was no history and death was no mystery. What we now call sunset and dawn were as...

Listen up Jedidiah

Listen up, Jedidiah. When Moses asked the burning bush for identification, the bush said yahwe. In his mind Moe thought I'll call this I AM and Willl...

Global Theophonic Prayer

Yeah, Isiah, theophany's the word. As previously revealed, the burning bush told Moses "Call me Yahwe' which Moses shortened to Yah which is...

Remembering the Magic of Gabriel

Yeah, it's difficult to remember our dreams when we're awake. The main reason we don't enjoy them more thoroughly is because we are asleep when they...
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Firepit

Maybe it's the weather But I just can't get it together I'm weak and weary The sky is dark and dreary. Ain't nuthin' I'm needin' Cept the voracious...
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Grins and Gardens

As you may have noticed, I've had a mental block going lately so I need to type my way out of it. As an artist (or at least a person who while no...

Dividing Dog and Wolf 2; Brian's word

Brian was a big, intimidatin', angry, black, quarterback sackin', three yards and a cloud of dust fullbackin', heavy duty reboundin', i'll do my work...

Aaron's Vivid Dream

What Aaron's dreams lacked in lucidity they compensated for with vividity. No matter how vivid, Aaron could always tell when he was dreaming. In his...

Diminishing to Perfection

Perhaps the greatest obscure artist of them all was the Incredible Shrinking Man. He just kept getting smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller...

Not the Type To Write

If we have to give names to our obsessions, I am a photographer and a writer. I used to be a snapshot guy but no longer. Nowadays, phones are for...

Physics

Okay Physics, you tried to stop me from graduating. You don’t like me and I don’t like you. You think you’re so godamned smart, don’t you. Part of...

52 Years between Avalons

My life changed in 1958. I was a kid. Clarabell had said goodbye. Elvis had said hello. Davey Crockett had died at the Alamo. I had never heard an...

Being Adam

According to St. Augustine, humanity is "condemned clay". No wonder there's a city in Florida named after the guy. I take a lighter look. Humanity is...

Bald Faced Lie

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." Much Ado about Nothing. Quote Act ii. Scene 1. I got a...

Today's The Day

C'mon everybody. Let's do this. Contact your Congressman, your senator, your premier, your divine leader, the Pope, the Dali Llama, the Queen, the...

"Quotation Marks" (a solipsistic essay)

Let's get started on quotation marks, shall we? The solopsist in "me" believes that quotation marks can not be overused as air quotes serve to...

1958 Heart Throb

This was a great time to be a Johnny or a Jimmy and white and talented. Like every year, this was a great year for dreams and eyes. Like every year,...

Threesome Teetime Tomorrow

I've got a tee time for tomorrow for a threesome which means that I'm scheduled to play golf with two other guys. Guy number one is my brother Deke...

I'm Free and So Is My Corn

I'm not addicted to writing. Addiction begins at the exact moment that you know you shouldn't do something that you've aready done at least once...

Diplomacy

One afternoon I woke up With a Hammer in my hand I noticed a shortage of freedom of justice and of love through out the land so I decided to cut down...

Mr. Baseball and the Fiber Optic Bear

Elephant Memory Introducing Mr. Baseball As much as I respect the separation of church and state, I have the same regard for the separation of...

Prodigious Piles of Penguin Poop

Prodigious Piles of Penguin Poop Is this a change? Yes, yes it is. This IS a change if you don’t believe in recurring cycles. This is the first time...

Ask Ray Davies

It's hard to be at your best when under sterotypical suspicion. Ask Ray Davies Everybody knows the song "You Really Got Me" and deservedly so. When...

Grasshopper Jungle Classification

Let’s talk about classification. I always have a hard time in classifying my work. Published books are classified according to the anticipated...

Three Simple Things

I was listening to one of the smartest people on the planet a few years ago, who shall go unnamed as anonymity is his/her preference. Anyways this...

Ronaldandonaldmacdonald

I spent three of my formative years in a lunatic asylum that was known as a boy's dorm. Nowadays, those facilities are probably called Men's and...

To Cat Ladies Out There

Word to all present and potential cat ladies out there, Painting your toes and brushing your hair. They're not lions so they're not a pride. They're...

Bored Again Christian

It's simple really, if you are bored...you are thinking too much about yourself. Are you bored now at this very instant? Probably not because you are...

Catcher 51

Q: How far can a bear go into the woods? A: Halfway and then if he/she continues, the bear is heading OUT of the woods. (Speaking of Bears and woods...

After Inventing Poe

I almost made a mistake when I invented Edgar Allen Poe and everything that he wrote. I did want all the figments to get acquainted with horror,...

Air Quotes in Lipstick Land (?!?)

We don't know where we came from. We don't know where we're going to. But in between, we think we know where we are and "we" try like hell to hold on...

Humans Being Tense

Unless you are a fictitious person, as I occasionally am, you are a human being. Let's invert that You are being human. To error is human. You are in...

Two Men in Texas

Shelley Seton was expecting, expecting. Shelley Seton was expecting twins. Why wouldn't she be? Shelley had an identical twin named Kelley. Kelley...

Escape Velocity

If you've been following my obscure career, you are familiar with at least a couple of things. I'm not a big fan of physics and my writing has become...

Velvet Rendezvous

The surrealistic rendering of dreams does resemble the realistic rendering of hallucinations. Hallucinations are dreams that take place when we are...

Creation in the Crapper

No matter how erudite and urbanite Merle Seton pretended to be, he was plagued by tics and scratches, weighed by cups full of hicks in batches...

Tar Pits and Bird Brains

I have no trouble taking the small evolutionary crawl backward from the dormant state of alligator behavior to the general intelligence or lack of...

Six minutes in the life of Sam and Sandy

Sam was a sniveling sixty year old lad held beneath contempt by his wife of fifteen years....the long suffering Sandy. Upon awakening one day at noon...

Illusion of learning

Learning, like the classroom, itself is temporary. When we learn, what we really learn is how to become better learners rather than the coverage and...

Escaping Into A New Cell

Halftime has officially come to an end with an unexpected pep talk. I've been resisting a cell phone because I don't want to be in touch with...

Wild Cherry Cola Yeah Yeah Yeah

I was listening to the Kinks sing Lola and drinking a wild cherry cola when the obsession began. My wild cherry cola tasted like champagne Champagne...

Real Fake Mr. Drysdale

C'mon up on the porch. Sit a spell. Kick your shoes off. Grab a beverage while I tell you a little story about the new South. Because the market is...

Concord Mall Jellyfish

Concord Mall is a gigantic shopping Mecca in Concord, North Carolina. Within the mall, there is an impressive aquarium filled with "thousands" of...

Winning Streak

I'm four brown shots into a bottle of Jack. I've been here before and I'm coming back I'm a gamblin' man hearing the bugle call. The difference being...

The Lucky One

I suppose I'm on a losing streak. I haven't had a hit in weeks. I don't mind the losses. I never risk more than I can afford to lose. Never chose...
Cherry

November Sighing Lies About December (inverted Sonnet)

To the safe harbor, your dreams and pillows. Through that danger zone of naked willows As your souls endure further incision Until warm winter winds...
Cherry

Many Journeys Start With A Snipping

Al Aguglia had been going to Phil the barber for haircuts since Phil was a kid just starting his one chair shop. Al stopped off for his regular...

Ray Coach In Cave

I was in the cave minding everybody else's business. The lion lamb of March had just purred in under soft rain and concrete clouds when the spirit of...

The Pursuit of Free Beer

The sign outside the dive read "Free Beer Tomorrow". I was near broke and of considerable thirst. I took a seat at the bar at noon. I asked the...
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Awake and In Love

On Memorial Day in America we remember our vetrans who lost their life in battle. Also, if we are lucky, we make a memory that we can relate on...

On Wallets

Last week, my grandaughter Eva saw a woman right after the lady had been struck by a hit and run driver while jogging on Washington Street in Duxbury...
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Darkness Counts as Weather

In Rochester, New York on the banks of the big sea water, we have learned that Darkness counts as weather. We have been battered by windstorms,...

At the All Star Game

That's Hank in the middle with Mr. Crown right and Johnny to the left.

Food for Thought

Who knew about the BFF relationship between baboons and impalas? When I think of a baboon, I think of a screeching, red butted pain in the ass...