Stories & Monologues

I will post humorous stories and monologues in this collection and more serious stuff in a different collection.

Story of the week

Names and their Importance in Literature!

Will Elsie Scraggit end up disgraced and abandoned in Brighton?


Every- body- deserves a good send-off! Don't they?

A Figment of My Imagination...Or is it? I P

Regrets...I have a few...and this might be one of them!

A Flat Pack! A Handyman! And A Hangover! (I.P.)

Well according to the diagram this bit definitely goes there!

A Monologue Part Two The Buffet

Fang continues to delight Hyacinth's guests!

A Mother's Advice to her Daughter!

A girl needs to look after her Assets!

A Resurrected Heart! Late (I.P.)

Love is like a box of chocolates! Whoever said that has eaten all the soft ones and left me with the tooth destroying hard bastards!

A Tale of Two Puddings (I.P.)

The way to a man's heart is with the downward thrust of a large knife!

Abundant Wonderment of my Fundament! I P

Jennifer Lopez, she of fundament fame...Don't you just love her?

Ah! Viva Latino! A two hander sketch

Balongas! So descriptive, don't you think?

Baguettes - If you see a notice - read it all! (I.P.)

Yes, always read the small print even in a baker's shop!

Bedtime Drink! A Talking Head

Hope two together is not Denzella overload but going on Parkinson holiday.

Court in the Rain I.P. Part Two

Move over Mrs Trollop - there's a new kid on the block!

Daddy or Chips?

A Father's Day Card!

Freedom and Euthanasia!

Sorry, but it is a subject I feel strongly about!

Give the Dog a Bone!

This is based on a true story. It happened in a place called Malmo in Sweden. It was featured in the most popular GSD magazine of the time and came from an article printed in the Sunday Express.


Is it possible to love too much?

The Crack in the Pavement (I.P.)

I thought cracks in pavements were the responsibility of the council.

Fathers and Sons! I. P.

I think Charles and Chrissie spoil that boy of theirs!
Gold cherry
Story of the week

The Birthday! A Monologue

The Birthday! A Monologue I don’t suppose I’ll see anyone today. We keep ourselves to ourselves round here… best way, really. Never know who you...

My Big Cooking Adventure!

This is the story of a birthday present that turned a normal, peace-loving woman into a kitchen warrior!

The Party

A Mini Manifesto! At the next Election vote for...

Waterworld - Manufacturers of a revolutionary new product

If you suffer from bladder weakness then this could be the product for you.

The Invitation A Monologue Part One

Don't we all love guests who bring their pets!

My Mum Revisited

Some further adventures of living with my Mum!

Three Dead Twins

A tragic duty!
Gold cherry

My Mum - The Party Dress!

The Army Surplus Party Dress!

More Wartime Recollections of Mum Flo's Family

The Wartime experiences of a family living in extraordinary times!

The Male Menopause!

The Male Menopause is a recognized and well documented condition similar to Man Flue! Ignore it at your peril!

My Mum - Escapades!

A misspent Childhood!

Rags to Riches I P

Oh, I so love a happy ending!

My Mum - The Funeral!

A solemn and sombre occasion...erm...perhaps not!

Loneliness! (I P)

Who would have thought a box that had contained a celebration cake could be so revealing?

My Mum - The Visit!

Another tale concerning my wonderful, eccentric, embarrassing and non-conforming MUM!

Last Call for Novice Bitch!

Novice bitch...I don't think so!

The Wrong Bus I.P.

It was definitely going in the wrong direction!

The Female Menopause!

The Female Menopause! Definitely a time to rid the house of all sharp objects!

Fecundity! Are You Kidding? I.P.

It's not just actions that have consequences...Words can have consequences too!

Marshmallow or Birthday Cake?

The joy of working in a kennels on a day when it is pissatively possing down!

Tiny Twitter Tales I P

Can't think of one!

Going for Gold - The Sequel

After a speech like that...who wouldn't love him!

My Mum and The Caravan - Part One The Party!

One moment ploughing the depths of despair - the next, lifting my eyes to Heaven!

My Mum and The Caravan - Part Two!

My Mum always said you shouldn't laugh at other peoples' misfortune!

Ivan the Infiltrator! (Late IP)

(IP) Better to be late than 'dead' on time!


A little known condition...wardrobe shrinkage or wardrobe fatigue!

Maps! (I.P.)

Maps can lead you from A to B but can they be trusted?

The Bridge

Diesel and Doughnuts...what a combination!

The Astrologer! (Late I.P.)

My chart told me the I.P. was changed on Saturdays!

Inspiration! I.P.

First I have to find Inspiration and now you demand a teaser!

My I.P. (Late?) Thesaurus Word Finder!

Can I interest anyone in a word or two? Free to good homes only.

Weight and See! A Monologue

Anyone who eats two lettuce leaves, a whole cherry tomato and a slice of cucumber is just plain greedy!

The Classroom! A Monologue

Aaah! Joyce...I'm doing my best!

Miss Lavender and Her Adventure in Bluebell Woods!

Poor Miss Lavender, subjected to such an ordeal very nearly had a touch of the vapours!

My Mum and a Wedding!

Who Dares Wins!

Gene Kelly - I Want A Word With You! (I.P.)

I might not be Debbie Reynolds but I know a Gene Kelly wannabee when I see one!

The Marriage of Naomi! (I P) Part Two

Well, who would have thought it...Paulette a convert to that Mozart bloke!

Infinite Sky!

It was so cold my boobs took on the appearance of a couple of Belgium Buns, you know, the sort with cherries on top!

Dripsnot Goes in Search of a Wife!

Elsie Dripsnot not exactly an improvement on Elsie Scraggit!

Loneliness! Re-posted

I'm not sure about this one so thought I would re-post

The Silence of the Night! 329 words

The Silence of the Night! 329 words A gunshot sliced through the silence of the night. A woman fell to the ground. Lights went on. People looked out...

True She Was Plain...If Only She Was Likable! (I.P.)

True She Was Plain…If Only She Was Likeable? (I.P.) No! I didn’t like her, this new girlfriend of his and she didn’t like me. I was quite surprised...
Story of the week

No! She Wasn't Likeable!

No!. She Wasn’t Likeable! I had definitely got a handle on her…Bernice, my son, Martin’s, girlfriend. I’m not usually one to criticise someone for...

Words Are All I Have To Give!

Words Are All I Have To Give! Re-Posted for no other reason than I didn't like the title - Sorry! The aim of a thesaurus word finder is to provide...

'Maybe Joe' A homage to Hazel 1293 words

‘Maybe Joe’ - A Homage to Hazel 1293 words I have a dear friend called Hazel and three years ago she had a stroke. It was devastating to all of us...

For a Long Time I Went To Bed Early! I.P.

For a long time I went to bed early. I.P. 1192 words But then I gave it up. Tonight, however, I was thinking I might catch a few extra zzz’s. What...

Marianne...faithful? I.P. (New Beginnings)

Marianne…faithful? I.P. (New Beginnings) 1557 words John looked across the table at Marianne and wondered, not for the first time, how he had the...

The Labour Ward! (I.P.)

The Labour Ward! (I.P.) Lucy and her friend, Amy, burst in from the garden laughing and pushing each other before the two of them disappeared into...

The Pensioner!

The Pensioner’s Tale! It’s Saturday today, otherwise I would have started but there would be little point. No, not with what I’ve got planned. You...

Prison - Cell Mates - I.P. A Monologue 1090 words

Part One - Prison - Cell Mates! A Monologue 1090 words She was beginning to get on my nerves with all her questions. ‘How come they let you out so...

Friday Night Fever! (A Late I.P.) Last week's theme Resurrection

Friday Night Fever! (Late I.P.) Gloria and I had just arrived when she suddenly spotted someone she knew, ‘Hi Jerome. Jerome…it’s me, Gloria.’ ‘...

The World at War!

World at War! 2319 words ‘Get yourself down to the recruiting office you’re no use on the farm.’ said Squire. ‘Your country needs you. I shouldn’t...

The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Nine 1010 words

The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Nine - 1010 words Whittaker and Georgia had managed to speak to most of the people and left others to...

The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Ten - 1177 Words - Updated

The Labour Planet – A Working Title – Part Ten – 1177 Words Jamie’s lungs were at bursting point as he held his breath not daring to move in case the...

The Rehearsal! late I.P.

The Rehearsal! Late I.P. There we were all on stage awaiting the arrival of Chelsea, Chelsea Le Curr, our celebrated leading lady. She eventually...

The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Eleven - 1131 Words

The Labour Planet – A Working Title – Part Eleven – 1131 Words While Jamie stood still trying to assess his situation another Grusalien stepped...

The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Twelve - 991 words

The Labour Planet – A Working Title - Part Twelve - 991 words When Whittaker and Georgia went back to see how Jamie was they were once again...

The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Thirteen - 1073 Words - Updated

The Labour Planet – A Working Title - Part Thirteen – 1174 words Whittaker, Georgia and Jamie were pushed forward to join the others forming an...

The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Fourteen - 1147 words

The Labour Planet – A Working Title – Part Fourteen - 1147 words Seeing Jamie’s reaction all three started to move nearer to the enclosure. ‘Now will...

It's Still Another Day! (I.P.)

It’s Still Another Day! (I.P.) 1478 words The two boys left her for dead, but, unbeknown to them she was still breathing. The lads were no more than...

Flight DCT 13

Flight DCT 13 1592 words - Cobbled together from some old emails Another one from The Parkinson's Players' Revue 'Where Did It All Go Wrong?' Running...

Tea and a Belgian Bun! I.P. 1171 Words

Tea and a Belgian Bun! I.P. 1177 Words 'So what did you do with the body?' “That was the first thing I heard as I sipped my tea in the supermarket...

Life, Love and Laughter!

Life, Love and Laughter! 1212Words I woke up this morning feeling fine not knowing that my life was about to change forever. It started off okay...

It's In His Genes!

It's in his Genes! 1462 Words Woke up this morning feeling fine. Then I remembered. This day my life could change forever. I was frightened by the...

The Art Critic! 1200 words

The Art Critic! 1200 words The Gallery Proprietor is marked as Prop throughout script The Proprietor is already on stage giving his paintings a bit...

Nutters in May -A short sketch from the 2015 Parkinson's show.

For Bee Nutters in May! – 1860 Words A Parody of Nuts in May The period is late 1960’s. A middle class couple go on a camping trip. The man, Roger,...

Budget Airlines

An amended version of Budget Airlines! - 1993 words one sketch taken from the Parkinson's Players 2016 Show entitled Always Look on the Bright Side...

The Sat Navigator!- 1556 words

The Sat Navigator! - 1556 words This is a two person sketch but there are two other people with one line. Valerie is the Sat Navigator Pat is Jodine...

A Life Unravelling! 974 words

A Life Unravelling! 951 words IP Mobility It started with a shake...nothing much. I felt fine in my general health but still, I took a trip to the...

Proof of the Pudding! A sketch from a Parkinson's show

Proof of the Pudding! 1509 Words A spoof on Agatha Christie Cast List Miss Marple Identical twins, Constance and Camille. They are far from identical...

Secrets and Ties! IP 'Secrets' 909 Words

Secrets and Ties! IP ‘Secret's Oh, Sonia, just look at that gorgeous dress. Where? Look, see, over on that rail, the magenta one. Oh, I see it but,...


Oh, Charles, you looked so handsome in your uniform when you left. I hate us being separated but tell me, darling, do you think of me when you’re up...

The Collector!

Oh, Charles, why couldn’t James have collected stamps? This man is a policeman and he says our son has been caught on CCTV ram-raiding cash machines...

Love Two!

Oh, Fiona, don’t cry. You know I don’t like leaving you when you’re like this. You wanted a man in uniform, even though you knew the job would mean...

A Likely Story!

A Likely Story! ‘ Did you see that?’ I said to my husband. ‘ See what?’ he answered. ‘ See that woman with the bag?’ ‘ No.’ We were waiting in the...

The Invitation!

The Invitation This is a letter I wrote to my brother in law, a man not known for his ability to hold his nerve in what he might regard as a ‘...