Fecundity! Are You Kidding? I.P.

Fecundity! Are you kidding? I.P.

Well, I never thought I would come across such a word on this site. It’s a disgrace…an absolute disgrace! What on earth were you cherry pickers thinking of?

Oh, yes, I know what it means all right! No one could know it better. Rest assured I’ve been fruity in my time but to think you could bring it out in the open like this…well, as I’ve said before….it’s a disgrace!

Fecundity with all its base animal connotations! Breeding, yes breeding, but not just ordinary breeding if you please, oh no, producing young in large quantities. Well, it doesn’t take a fecundity of imagination to see where that idea might take me…at my age…IVF that’s where! I felt I was at a point in my life when I was entitled to put all such thoughts of fertility away and now here you go awakening all those animal instincts without a thought for the consequences of your ill judged idea. I didn’t think I needed to worry about such a thing as fecundity. Why, at my time of life, even the very word offends my sensibilities sounding as it does like an expletive of the basest kind.

How could you beat us, your loyal contributors, about the head with such a disgusting word and if that was not enough expect us to write a story using such a word. Why you should be reported to the thought police for even considering such a thing. I am not a woman of prudish sensibilities nor do I consider myself easily offended and I am all in favour of free speech but there is a limit and this word should definitely have a price tag. No, I’m sorry, I can not even bring myself to repeat it, I find it so disgusting!

When I joined this site I thought I would be contributing in some small way to something worthwhile that other like minded writers of similar tastes thought was worth doing too. But now I see things as they really are. You have shown your hand and revealed your true intentions. Oh yes, you can deny it all you like but your true purpose is now revealed for all to see. Your intention is to lure us in with your cherry picking flattery and then just when we think we have some writing ability you hit us with fecundity!

I’m sorry but I had to break off and go for a lie down and I am only able to continue now as my dear husband has given me a quick rub down with his Sporting Life! A small glass of Brandy has also contributed to my recovery and so I feel able to continue with my attempt to make you see the error of your ways. I admit I have done my fair share of breeding in the past and done so with fecundity but to bring that word back in to common usage for a woman of my gentle years and twilight disposition is nothing if not cruel and ill advised. Look, see, I feel sure you will be able to spot how distressed I have become as I am no longer able to string my words together in a coherent form.

I feel a relapse coming on and weak as I am I must try to summon my husband whom I hope will quickly see I am I need of further liquid libation in the form of a small refill. Thatsh better! Now where the fecundity was I? Oh, yesh! It’s you…no use denying it! I know it wash you. I would never use such a word at my time of wife! You have a lot to be grateful… no thtatsh not write…you have a lot to be shamed of bringing a word like that, remind me if you please, what was the word? No, ish all right I member…it was fuckundity! See, you thought you could slip it in and I wouldn’t notice. Well, I am like a coiled spring nothing getsh past me in that department, let me tell you.

“More Brandy, if you would be so kind. “Thank you.”

I don’t know who the hell he is but he looks familiar and he seems to know his way around so I think I’ll let him shtay!

Now then, where was I? Oh yes, under the influence of feck...no fuck... no feck…no…definitely not fuck… I think…sometimes but not today. I’m feckless!

“Ecshuse me, kind sir, I wouldn’t leave that little drop in the bottle it looks sort of abandoned let it join itsh friend in my glash I can ashure you it will be well looked after!

What a nishe man, so well behaved, I wonder if he would be interested in a feck? Feck…fecking fecundity?

End