My Big Cooking Adventure!

My Big Cooking Adventure!

I have Parkinson’s and because of this my daughter was allowed to accompany me on my big cooking adventure. We arrived early at the well known cookery school and were pleasantly surprised with the set up. After a brief welcome and a thorough demonstration of the first item we were going to prepare and cook we were asked to go to our workstations and commence the cook off.

Well, it was as if we were under starter’s orders as fifteen women raced for their places. On arriving at my station, almost immediately, I heard the unmistakeable sound of heavy duty, industrial strength, Dualit, hand mixers whirring into action. I immediately went into panic mode as I was still contemplating my ingredients and wondering which was caster sugar and which flour. So, I thought, if this is how it’s going to be then there can be no mistake…it’s WAR! My daughter had noticed my unease and shouted encouragement from the sidelines till finally she ventured onto the kitchen area and grabbed one of those large bladed knife thingies as she sought to fight a rearguard action. Fortunately, I, meanwhile, had taken a passing interest in the hand mixers and noticed that the thing had five speeds. Yes, FIVE! Well, you can say what you like about me but coward I am not, so never being one to shy away from a battle; I stiffened my resolve, girded my loins and plunged straight in on maximum speed.

Unfortunately, I had not allowed for the fact that all I had in my basin was flour and so it was that I covered my fellow cooks in a filmy veil which gave them a rather ghostly, almost ethereal, look, for which they did not seem at all grateful. However, it was only when I sent a small amount of sponge mixture – well, I thought it was small - hurtling round the kitchen that, would you believe, the cowards dived for cover! Then one of them plucked up the courage to start to crawl out from under her workstation when SPLATT went one of my Melting Moments as she took a direct hit full in the face. That soon sent her scurrying back!

The attitude of the other cooks was such that it left me in no doubt that they intended to attack if I showed the slightest sign of weakness. So, time, I thought, to seize the initiative and go straight into attack mode with the recipe for Anzac biscuits. Somehow the name Anzac brought remembrances of wartime recipes which seemed appropriate somehow in this highly charged and competitive atmosphere. I tried appeasement but that didn’t work so I said “Unless they stood down their Dualits by eleven o’clock that morning a state of war would exist between us.” I have to tell you now that no such undertaking was received and that therefore I found myself at war with the other cooks. As a consequence I thought that Anzac biscuits would be my best chance to gain a sizeable lead and would teach this lot that I was a force to be reckoned with.

However, when it came to Lemon and Lime Drizzle, well, it was no contest. I wasn’t going to pussyfoot about with drizzle. No, my cake was deluged, I say, deluged with lemon and lime! Next I battered them with my Chocolate Battenberg, a tactical masterpiece as, by now, they realized they were no match for me as some were cowering in a corner trying to get to grips with Mascarpone and Tia Maria, more Tia Maria, now I come to think, while others were desperately trying to cream butter and sugar together without it curdling whilst ducking the odd biscuit missile that escaped from my bowl

Needless to say, they were unsuccessful because, by this time, I had moved on and was setting about my Coffee and Walnut cake, which soon saw them scuttling back to there workstation bolt-holes as I peppered the walls with cake mixture and sent walnuts ricocheting round the room.

However, at the end of the day, I considered it a great honour when I was awarded the cookery school’s apron with pocket and Velcro tie, their highest award, for cooking above and beyond what is expected and I was deeply touched by the gracious way it was received by the other ladies and it seemed a popular decision as everyone cheered when my daughter and I left.

And so that was the end of my Big Cooking Adventure!