Time to Take a Step Back (I.P.)

Time to Take a Step Back! (I.P.)

‘Mary, Mary…is that you?’

The woman turned

‘Oh, thank goodness it is. I would have felt such a fool if, when you turned round, I didn’t know you from Adam. How is Adam by the way, still playing up?’

‘Yes, he was excluded for two weeks…nearly drove me mad.’

‘I’m not surprised I know what a little devil he can be.’

‘And of course his father takes not a bit of interest in the lad.’

‘Oh dear, I take it you’re still not getting on with your Jack then?’

‘Hazel, I haven’t got on with my Jack since the day after we got married.’

‘Oh Mary, why on earth do you stay with him? He’s never been any good to you.’

‘All right, don’t rub it in. We can’t all be happily married for…how many years is it now?’

‘Well, it’ll be our Ruby in June.’

‘How many years is that…forty innit?’

‘Yes.’

‘You having a do?’

‘Too right, Frank insists we have a party. These days it’s not that many people get to forty years married. Oh, sorry…didn’t mean to rub your nose!’

‘Don’t trouble yourself. I’ve long since given up being sensitive about it. Everyone knows we don’t get on. Hardly surprising the amount of times I’ve chucked his stuff out on the drive.’

‘So why do you let him back in again?’

‘Because once I’ve calmed down I realise I can’t pay the mortgage on my own. I need his share otherwise I’d have seen him off yonks ago!’

‘No-one would blame you if you did but what am I going to do about the invite. You know I want you to come but what about Jack? Do I put his name on the invite too? Or do you want to come on your own?’

‘No, stick his name on too then those people who think he is the life and soul will see him in his true colours. They’ll see what a miserable git he is.’

‘There won’t be any arguments will there only Frank would lead off at me if there were?’

‘No, I wouldn’t spoil your party for all the tea…stains, in the bottom of my cup. Don’t know what made me think of that… still must remember to put a spot of bleach in them when I get home. Can’t stand it when they have those nasty brown stains in the bottom. I keep telling Jack to use a tea-pot but will he listen…does it to be awkward!’

‘Well, it’s nice to see you again, Mary, and your invite will be in the post within the next couple of days.’

‘Oh lovely, Hazel, it will give me something to look forward to.’

With that the two women separated each going in different directions. One striding away purposefully with shoulders back and head held high, The other, head down, shoulders drooping as she slowly put one foot in front of the other.

Mary didn’t trouble herself to tell Hazel it was her and Jack’s ruby wedding anniversary in three months time but in their case there was no point in going to the expense of celebrating something that they had both regretted for the past forty years. They had to face facts they were totally incompatible. At that point, Mary happened to look up just in time to see she was passing a card shop and for one fleeting moment she thought about going in to buy Jack a card but she managed to fight off the impulse. He wouldn’t appreciate it and he certainly wouldn’t reciprocate. So, what the hell! It was his loss but she went in anyway because she had to get a card for Hazel and Frank.

Hazel and Frank…all those years together and still so much in love. Oh sod it! I’ll get them a card off the market. Mary found this place depressing with its clutch of ‘To My Darling Husband’ and hordes of ‘To the One I Love.’ Where were the cards that proclaimed her situation? Where were the cards that said To the F**king Bastard I Live With or To the Man I Hate? Mary thought there could be a gap in the market for cards with words such as that. It would be nice to make money out of expressing her true feelings for that lazy lump of lard she lived with. Forty years of waiting on him hand, foot and finger.

Anyway, eventually the expected invitation arrived and Jack just grunted,

‘Suppose you’ll expect me to dress up for this do. Can’t say as I’m bothered about going.’

‘Frank and Hazel always have plenty of drink on offer and they’re having a hog roast in their garden so that should suit you. Just be careful you don’t get mixed up with the hog and end up on the spit. If you do then I bags having first spit.'

‘Very funny, still, as you say there’s always plenty of food and drink at their parties so okay, you win, I’ll dress up if it will please you?’

‘What exactly does that mean, “I’ll dress up?" Do you mean by that you will change your string vest and your underpants after having worn them for little more than a week? And will you be wearing a tux or your usual greasy dungarees and filthy espadrilles?’

‘You are such a sarcastic mare, Mary; After all these years, I’m still asking myself what did I ever see in you?’

‘Oh, really, I thought you saw me as a meal ticket and skivvy.’

‘Oh, have it your own way. I can’t be bothered to argue.’

‘Well, that’s a first.’

With that Jack got up and left the room.

Mary went to bed that night determined not to let Jack spoil her enjoyment of Hazel and Frank’s party.

*****************************

Jack was standing by a little, wrought iron, garden table, near the flower bed, next to the pond, a large scotch in one hand and a huge bap filled to overflowing with pork, in the other. He was trying to decide which to put down first the scotch or the bap and eventually settled on the scotch as that wouldn’t spoil.

Frank seeing him on his own and being the good host that he was went over to speak with him.

‘Hello Jack, how’s things?’

‘Don’t ask, said Jack,’ spitting bits of pork in all directions as he spoke.

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked when your mouth was so full,’ said Frank brushing off bits of pork bap from his tux.

‘No probs, mate.’

More pork and bap heading Frank’s way but this time Frank decided it was time to make a strategic withdrawal so started to walk away

‘Well enjoy yourself.’

‘Yeah, I will,’ said Jack stuffing another mouthful in.

‘What are you trying to do Jack set yourself up in competition with the hog?’ Said Mary embarrassed by what she had witnessed.

‘Now what have I done wrong?’

‘Apart from showering Frank with pork bap…that just leaves…breathing!’

‘Oh, yeah, is that what you do when you’re not having a go at me?’

‘I don’t shower people with food.’ And with that Mary also walked away.

Jack had had a skin full by the time he next caught sight of his wife and he thought it a good idea to get her to dance. It was a piece of music they used to dance to before they were married. The tune was Red River Rock and it was a really good jive. So, without any preamble, he just grabbed Mary and started to push her around to the beat of the music. Mary not wanting to cause a scene went along with it even to the extent of smiling while being pushed in what Jack, in his inebriated state, considered a passable attempt at a jive.

Eventually it was time to go and in the taxi Jack and Mary sat silent and as far away from each other as possible. Once home they said not another word to each other.

***************************************************

Two months later Frank bumped into Jack and was shocked by his appearance as he looked absolutely dreadful.

‘Jack, what on earth has happened to you?’

‘Oh it’s Mary. We’ve split up!’

‘What! At the party, when I saw the two of you dancing you looked as if you were getting on really well and then again when I saw you at the club a couple of weeks later you said you thought things between you and Mary were getting better.’

‘Yes, for a while there I did think things were getting better.’

‘So what changed?’

‘I had a heart attack.’

‘Oh, how awful, what did Mary do?’

‘She wrote for an ambulance!’

End