Tea and a Belgian Bun! I.P. 1171 Words
Tea and a Belgian Bun! I.P. 1177 Words
'So what did you do with the body?'
“That was the first thing I heard as I sipped my tea in the supermarket restaurant, so you can imagine, I was all ears.”
“So, go on Madge, what next?”
“Well, Beryl, because she lowered her voice, I had to tip my chair backwards, so I could hear. Very nearly came a cropper.”
“Never mind about all that, what did she say next.?”
'Well, I couldn't just leave it there, so I buried it.'
“It's what she said next.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Then he said,”
'But surely they would take your circumstances into consideration?'
'I couldn't take that chance.'
“Who couldn't take that chance?”
“She couldn't, do try to keep up, Beryl.”
'It's funny but to look at you no one would ever know. You have such a fragile, vulnerable air about you, that you seem almost girlish.'
“Not you. Then she said,”
'I'm not a girl, I'm a woman of twenty-five, and I know my mind.'
'Yes, you've always been the same in that respect.'
'Once my mind was made up, I knew it was time.'
'Yes, we had reached a milestone. It was a case of this far and no further. That was when I decided I would have to do something.'
'And that you certainly did. I don't know many people who could have done what you did and as we both know, not for the first time either.'
'I can't help it. Once they start to irritate...'
'It's funny but the face you show to the world exudes vulnerability; that soft voice and
helpless manner successfully masks your true nature. You have the strength and boldness of a lion in that eight stone frame of yours.'
'I've always been strong for my size. That's why no one ever picked on me at school.'
'I'm not surprised even I wouldn't want to take you on and I'm a fifteen stone hard as nails brickie.'
'Oh, now you're exaggerating,' she said, 'you're not frightened of me.'
'No, perhaps not, though, if looks can deceive; you are the perfect example. Petite and pretty like a fragile flower tossed hither and thither by a careless wind.'
'Oh wll, I can't help it if looks deceive.'
'No, but who would suspect you have a core of steel in your guts that belies everything about your physical appearance. With a voice so soft, it would entice any man to do your bidding. You would only have to call for help and plenty would come running.'
'Yes, but you know me, I'm not that kind of girl.'
'You mean woman, don't you? Didn't you just say you're twenty-five?'
'Oh, don't be a clever dick. If I did as you suggest I would have to trust somone I don't know as well as you. I couldn't take the risk. What if they turned me in?'
'Yes, I suppose you're right, pick the wrong person and you could end up in prison. Although I feel sure they would show leniency, given the circumstances.'
“How do I know?”
“Well, I thought you were in full possession of the facts.”
“How could I be? I only heard what they said while I was sipping my tea...Oh
no...wait, I forgot.”
“What! What did you forget?”
“My Belgian bun. I was also eating a Belgian bun. They're my favourites; I love 'em but only if they've got loads of currents and thick icing and they must be fresh. Lovely with a nice cup of tea.”
“I'm not interested in what you were eating. I want the full story. What did she say next?”
'No, I couldn't risk it.'
“Don't be daft. You can tell me.”
“No, that's what she said.”
'So what will you do now?'
“Nothing, I'm not budging till you've told me everything.”
'Look for another one.'
“Look for another...what? Belgian bun?”
“No, her, that's what she said.”
“Oh. Then what?”
“Then he said,”
'Of course, you know me, I always need to have someone in my life. I can't envisage a
life without someone.'
'You've got me.'
'But...I'm not enough. I would have thought after all you've been through you would
steer clear. How many have you got buried in your garden now?'
'This one makes five.'
'You can't bury any more in your garden.'
“I bet it's lovely, though."
"What's lovely, Beryl?"
"Her garden...full of flowers, I shouldn't wonder.”
“What makes you say that?”
“With five bodies buried in her garden, she'll have no need for fertilizer. I wouldn't mind betting she'll also have a lovely lush green lawn as well.”
'Promise me you won't bury anymore in your garden.'
'Stop worrying, of course I won't.'
'So what will you do?'
“What d'you mean?”
“Not me. I wish you'd keep up, Beryl.”
'I'll have to use a chainsaw or something and cut them up into easily disposable parts and scatter them in some out of the way place under cover of darkness.'
'If someone spots you the game will be up.'
'I know, but I'm always careful and I'm not going to do it in broad daylight now, am I?'
'Well, if you need my help?'
'No, I'll manage.'
'If you ever get caught I will be charged too, you know?'
'Yes, I know but you wouldn't tell them anything, would you?'
'I can't be sure...'
“Then I heard this almighty smack.”
“What, he hit her? There in the cafe?”
“No, in the mouth. But no, not him, her!”
“You're losing me.”
“Well, pay attention. Then he said.”
'Blimey girl, wean yourself off the spinach, you don't know how strong you are.'
'I'm sorry Mark, I was only playing.'
“Playing at a time like this. Then what?”
“Well, I'd finished my bun, and I'd let my tea get cold, still it was only the
dregs. So, anyway, I got up but I was careful not to let them see my
face, so I didn't look round. I didn't want them coming after me.”
“No, I don't suppose you did. But what happened then?”
“Once outside I called the police.”
“Did you stay to see what happened?”
“Yes, the police sent in a Squat Team, at least, I think that's what they're called. But, oh, I did feel a chump.”
“Heavens to Betsy, why?”
“Well the Squatters were crouched down behind the hot food counter all with
their weapons out.”
“The chief Squatter used one of them tannoy things and shouted for the couple to
lay down their weapons and speadeagle themselves on the floor.”
“So why did you feel a chump? Sounds to me like you acted for the public good.”
“Not when it turns out the couple were rehearsing for a play. They were just reading
“Well, if what you heard is anything to go by it sounds like a rubbish play.”
“Don't say that. Guess who wrote this story.”