E) day at work 4

I arrive for work bursting with pride that, though having to start
an hour earlier, I am only quarter of an hour late.

I said I would come in earlier because, quite reasonably, if the store
opens earlier they want the floral stand looking ok earlier. The only
problem is that I'm nocturnal - not sure what effect having one of the
living dead in charge of flowers is having on sales, but at the moment
it can't make much difference as the powers that be appear to have gone
for the minimal approach to stock deliveries again : the "who dares
wins, you have to speculate to accumulate" of the seething mass of
flying manicured fists and expensively shoed kicks at present cheek
down on the lush shagpile of Head Office with those convinced the way
to supermarket supremacy is by cutting losses wriggling on the top and
knocking over the espressos as they bang their heads on the boardroom
table.

So, I spend an hour trying to make what we have look bijou rather than
sparse, but it is a losing battle as customers keep buying stuff. I
have always been interested in water sculptures, and am just pondering
if this could be my chance : "memories in thirty two buckets" maybe?
when Johan, our new department manager comes over. He has developed the
air of one who has started a curry that is much hotter than he thought
it would be, and doesn't want it to show

I start to harangue him about the lack of flowers but he counters by
telling me how the depot understably decided to cut back all potatoes
not on special offer. Unfortunately they only sent two crates of the
ones that were. The offer is buy one get one free

Then, in a looking on the bright side kind of voice, he says, "As we
don't have much stock, you've time to do me a little favour." One of
the few perks of being a manager must be not having to do the kind of
jobs that are favours, as they tend to involve something yukky, like
cleaning out a bin that hasn't had a bin liner for weeks, and I follow
him dejectedly, as he goes on about my nimble fingers

"Right!" he says "Des" (reverential voice for store manager) "doesn't
like the shelf edges being held on with cellotape"

I'm trying to get my head round the idea they've finally invested in a
shelf edge that doesn't fall off when you change the product labels
round, when he goes on

"So, he has suggested insulating tape, because it's much stronger.
Black, like the shelf edge."

"Right"

He frowns worriedly "The thing is, we've got a Visit (hushed voice
again) tomorrow and we can't have the tape showing..."

I imagine the white shelves striped with black. "So, how do you want it
done?"

He shows a millimetre over the shelf end "Just stick it on that
much"

"But it will be even less strong than it is now!"

He gives me the sort of look you give a backward woodlouse : "But we
can't have it looking like it's falling to bits, can we?"

I try to get in the spirit of the thing, joke "If you put white tape
over the black it wouldn't show"

"That's an EXCELLENT idea!" he goes off to buy some white insulating
tape

I spend a happy hour or so pretending I am that daft one off the
makeover programme peeling cellotape from the shelf edges and sticking
them back on with black insulating tape then covering that with strips
of white as customers walk by loudly saying "They don't have any
(insert practically any item of produce)

Johan comes over to inspect the shelves, looks very pleased. A customer
approaches determinedly brandishing something I assume is a shopping
list; Johan and I cringe, and I'm glad he's there to explain why we
have nothing that is on it, when "Is it true that you give me all this
money off my bill if I shop here?" she thrusts the paper under his nose
and I realise it is some kind of voucher. Johan, relieved to make a
customer happy, explains that yes it is. Incredulously, she says it
seems to good to be true.

I don't point out that she will find it hard to find enough to buy to
reach the amount needed for the voucher to work. They are a canny lot
in Head Office

I get to a shelf that doesn't have a shelf edge, go find Johan. He
strides to the door, pulls from behind it a bundle of new new shelf
edging, hands me a hack saw so I can cut it to fit. The last lot we cut
with a bread knife. I remember a questionnaire, one of the questions on
which was "Do you have the proper equipment you need to do your job?"
This is progress